We pick up tokens on the first Friday of every month. I had nine months last month toward the end, so tonight I picked up my 9 mo token. I hadn't picked up my 3 or 6 - so my sponsor gave them all to me. I had mentioned to her that I wasn't going to mess around with the tokens until the 1 yr mark, but she insisted that because of the boom in new woman that came in around the holidays, I should do it - basically cuz there is a real need for sponsors in this area (woman sponsors) and she is pushing me to get myself out there and help out.
I really wouldn't consider sponsoring yet... however... the few woman here with solid sobriety are overwhelmed with sponsee's.
Last week when I agreed to the 3rd sponsee... I realized how rediculous it was and let 2 of them go. They were constantly relapsing anyway, and I was hiring babysitters to go work with them! Just ludicrous and by the end of that week I had enough. If I'm going to jump into helping others like this, I guess I'm going to need to be upfront with people and ask them if they really want to be sober and are really going to go to meetings and do the work!!!
Sheesh - they sure remind me of me at one point, and that bugs me and then I have lots of extra praying to do to yet! LOL
I don't know... it's all happening so fast. It's hard to remember I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be. That more will be revealed
Well anyway, the 3rd lady, has some willingness. I can work with that ; ) She's very sweet and very bottled up... and I can work with that. It's so nice, and I really do enjoy it, and I've learned so much already. Well, from all of this actually.
I ordered her some books, and we have done the 1st 3 steps together. We've done some reading. She wont open up, so I just fill the space for now with my own ramblings - to which she just smiles and sits quietly. I can not identify with that at all. I had lots and LOTS to say - er wait - I HAVE lots and lots to say lol... but she is listening, and I am listening for God's will in my life. What more can I do?
I lied to my husband tonight as to why I didn't mention him while picking up my chip. It was one of those lies that are actually true, but in all honesty... I just forgot to mention him. Just forgot. Ooops. Guess I will have to clear that little one up in the morning since he's snoring right now.
I do plan on laying it on thick in a few months for my 1 yr.
That's all I got for tonight.
Thanks for being here and good night... God bless you.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I feel your approach to sponsoring is good ... we must be careful to not 'overload' ourselves and run ourselves out of juice ... I think it's important too, like you, to weed out those who are just 'going through the motions' to please us and don't really have their heart into recovery ... It took me some time to recognize the signs of sincerity ... if the person is sincerely working to stay sober, I will do everything in my power to help them ... but if they continually relapse cause they refuse to do what we suggest for them, then I can't help them and am wasting my time and theirs ...
I think it also important to keep the door open for those who continue to struggle, but just enough to see if they change ... if they come back, having hit bottom, then we should try to help them again ... give them a chance to show their 'willingness' to listen and take action ...
The 'Total Honesty' thing is a real bit_h for some ... but it doesn't take much time to realize when you're being 'played' ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Congratulations on nine months! Keep fighting the good fight!
My sponsor pushed me out there at around 100 days because we had finished my steps and I had sponsored in my previous sobriety. One thing that I have learned about sponsorship is that we can remain available but we can't do it for them. I worked with a woman and I was willing to hire childcare to spend time with her but every time we got together, she had a thousand interruptions scheduled. Phone calls, last minute crisis...ad nauseum. One day I sent her a comprehensive step work assignment and she called to say she relapsed again. This was something she was actually doing all of the time but chose to lie about which told me that although she needed the program, she was merely giving lip service to wanting it. My approach was this, "While I can see that you need the program, I don't feel that you want it. I feel that you need a sponsor who has more of what you want in her program and in her character because I am clearly not meeting your needs. I will always be here for you and will happily work with you when you are ready but I think, for now, you should find someone else."
I have had a few ladies ask me since that time, most of whom only wanted to be able to say that they had a sponsor. And what I realize today is that I just can't do it for them. As willing as a woman shows me she is to work this program is as willing as I am to help her because it is better for me to practice these principles at home and give my toddler the best of what I have to offer first. I am also learning that if I sponsor a woman who stays sober...fine. If I sponsor a woman who does not stay sober, that is fine too. Bill worked with ALOT of people and the one who stayed sober through all of them was him. SO for me, sponsorship is really sobriety insurance.
To keep it real, working the steps with others is one of my favorite things in life to do. I love to be of service. I love to watch others discover hope and discard the previous life that alcohol gave them. Right now, I have an opportunity to begin serving at an AA meeting two blocks from my house. The meeting is once a week. The folks who started it seem to think that I can bring up the attendance and I think that if I dedicate myself to making this meeting a safe place to recover as well as a place where the principles ring true, it could just help me to work out my little service bug.
I love AA. I love the gifts of sobriety. And I want when someone asks for help, for the hand of AA to always be there. I am glad, my sister, that you are serving as the hand off AA wherever possible and I am confident that you will soon be working with others who want to work it. God bless!
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"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 84
An addict is WHAT I am but it does not define all of WHO I am.
Tasha, the only sponsees I have had also relapsed and never really got their programs going. At 9 months sober, you can only give away what you've got. Basically, you are in a place to share your early recovery and enthusiasm and it will be amazing and wonderful if someone latches onto that and stays sober. When you are sober for a few years, folks that already have a year of sobriety will ask you to sponsor them and they wont go out. Right now you are just sponsoring folks trying to string days together. Not that it isn't hugely meaningful, but very few of them will make it like you are.
As far as not mentioning your husband in picking up your chip. I've done that. It's okay. This is your program....not his. What you say is about how you did it so newer folks have hope. That may or may not have to do with your husband. You have all the time in the world to thank him in special ways LOL. He is surely pleased just for the fact that you are sober.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
