If you've been listening...you know the program...call your s______, get to your home m_______g, acknowledge to your HP, wife, child and the dog how much of a A________, you just were and it wasn't their fault...just you falling off of your throne and your inner child screaming for a d_____ypoo and throwing a tantrum. Then forgive yourself and move on. Memorize "Humility is being teachable" a condition requiring openmindedness. I've never met an alcoholic that was so good in bed that he didn't end up doing himself alone. New perspective...This is the part where I grow. Keep coming back. This is what works when you work it.
Just a question? How did Jesus Christ answer your question?....listen, listen, listen.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 3rd of January 2013 11:33:30 PM
I've gone through this enough times to recognize my stages and this is not a good one for anyone involved. This is the part where I am still extremely sincere and motivated and feeling physically great but where I turn into the most difficult person on the planet to be around. The word irritable does not do the way I am justice. I got angry at my dog for licking itself. I'm not kidding. We were having dinner and he was licking himself really loudly somewhere out of sight and I just blew up. I threw my fork down and bellowed "Jesus Christ, cant we eat like normal people without having to listen to a dog slurp on his crotch?"...the embarrassing thing is that's not the most absurd thing I've flew off the handle about today. I'm a nightmare, I'm condescending, I'm impatient, I'm snippy, I'm hypersensitive.
Honestly my wife is a saint. I don't know how or why she puts up with this. I mean how good in bed can I be?
I think I'm going to apologize, give her a hug and tell her I love her.
If you don't ever hear from me again I'm most likely in a shallow grave in our backyard with a rolling pin sized dent in my forehead :(
You're tapping into the inner recourse of your HP here - doing the next right thing - finding the strength. Very nice.
Have you made the list of the qualities your HP has so you can identify if you're reflecting those when you're feeling like a big poo?
My higher power gives second chances. Clearly, as you mentioned above, yours does too. My HP forgives. Forgives me for messin up and pooing on life. Can you reflect that for yourself? You must - you've gone about making better choices...
Think about all the things your HP is and write a list - along with the 3rd step prayer - and look at it each morning.
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I do the same stuff, sometimes. My brain has been flooded with ridiculous amounts of dopamine for 18 years. My brain does not register the dopamine levels that most people experience with daily, pleasurable things. Subsequently, for the last 101 days I have had zero dopamine surges that I can actually feel. It's no wonder I'm irritable and snarky. This is what I'm told by my addiction counselor. She says it will be a loong time before my brain calms down, around 1 year according to her, given my history. It helps me to think that at least some of my irritability is biological, and with time will improve some.
Mr McHappy, I hated my dog and cat the first few weeks of sobriety. HATED them! I even cried at a meeting about it bc I felt so guilty. How does one hate their dog? That irritability makes me nuts and the only cure us reaching out to my higher power. I found that I also become way more irritable when I skip too many meetings in a row. Whew! I feel nuts. Going to a meeting, praying, reading the big book...all these things help calm my irrational mind when it's in a frenzy.
Hey Sober Mc, ... ... ... LMAO ... you're too much man ... your poor dog ...
Hey, I know the solution to that problem ... get a 'female' dog ... mine snuggles up to me every night ... my little woman?, not so much any more (we both snore so loud I had to reinforce the house foundation ...)
Yep, ... early sobriety can certainly put us on 'edge' ... keep reaching for your sanity, it'll come if you'll hang in there man ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hey McHappy, Could it be you are jealous of the dog's ability to lick his crotch? I know if I had that ability, I would probably have never picked up the first drink. I just simply would not have had the time. Especially if I could just go ahead and do it right out in public! Seriously, the anger is normal and as your need for "the adrenalin of drama and anger" passes, you will be able to reign it in.
__________________
"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
McHappy, when we put away the booze, we realize how handicapped we are when it comes to stress, due to the booze handling it for us. The dog had nothing to do with it. You were a charged electrode looking for a place to unload. John Bradshaw calls it "Passing the shame" like a hot potatoe. Hitting 90 meetings in 90 days helps tremendously to discharge this nervous energy. How's you frequency of meetings looking? That's something you've never really disclosed here.
The first few days of getting sober even air bothered me. This too shall pass.
__________________
I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
