When I first entered the program, I was filled with guilt and shame over some of the things I had done. When I sat in meetings and heard others share openly about some of their past behaviors, I was shocked by how open they were. Even more baffling was how they and everyone else could actually laugh at their dark secrets. I didn't know it then, but this was the beginning of hope and recovery for me.
 
"You're only as sick as your secrets," was a saying I heard early on in the program. At first there were things I swore I would and could never reveal, but after hundreds of meetings, the openness, forgiveness, and recovery of others created the safe place I needed to come clean. As I began to 'uncover, discover and discard' those parts of myself I was ashamed of, I experienced the freedom and forgiveness I needed to fully recover.
 
As I completed my 4th and 9th steps and cleared away the wreckage of my past, I was reborn into the new man who is sober and recovered today. Today I can laugh at myself and with others as I understand that once we were sick, but now we are well. Moreover, I realize how my dark past is the very key needed to understand and help another. Today, I use the 10th step to guard against keeping secrets and to stay free and available to help others.