At a meeting the other day a woman mentioned writing a list of all the things she did due to drinking that she was ashamed of as a kind of step 1. She said if it was all down on paper she would have a harder time denying to herself that she had a problem.
Thought I'd give it a go this evening. I've only completed the first five years and I'm frigging exhausted. Time to take a break before tackling the next decade!
They had us do that in rehab once ... Wow ... and they had us put a $ value to it ... Be very careful what you come up with ... once everything is on paper, it can easily be 'overwhelming' ... what I'm saying is that once all is said and done, the 'cost' for the period in which I drank equaled a small fortune ... gone forever ... this is one hard pill to swallow and can push a person toward some serious depression if we're not of sound mind enough to handle the results ...
But at the same time, it brings us to 'reality' and make us see what direction we were headed in so as not to repeat old mistakes, hopefully ... AND one thing it does do is it put one's life down in 'black & white' so as to be unable to deny we had/have a problem ... and if we expect something different in the future, then we see we must change ... which reminds me of the two things 'alcoholics' hate most ... 'The way things are, and change' ... and for me, to stay the same way I was, was to die ... soon ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It couldn't hurt. I am guessing this assignment would give you a clear idea of how alcohol made your life unmanageable. That does not address the concept of powerlessness as much. It's a good assignment, but also focus on what being powerless over alcohol means too.
Once getting both the idea of being powerless AND that it is making/has made your life unmanageable down: There are some people that admit and know both these things and still relapse because they don't care. You have to deeply care about this truth and want change to proceed having worked a good step 1.
Just my opinion.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
My husband and I were talking about that last night Mark - and wondering - why don't some people care? Why do you think that is? We were talking about a person that we see about to lose her kids and husband and house - and not care. And I see people come in having lost all that all the time. I tried to explain that it's because the disease just progresses farther in some than in others... but I don't really know what I'm talking about or if that's right.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I've heard of that too, RubyT...never did it but, hey, it sounds like it might just be a good idea. It does sound a lot like some of the 4th step. Anything written down is self-revealing and easier to swallow...like the gratitude list...and the 4th step. For some reason it helps us see things in a broader picture and we can see the road we are traveling down. Good luck with it and tell us how it goes!
Some folks just don't believe it can get better. This could be due to mental illness. It could be that they feel they have tried before and are convinced they are helpless and "nothing works." It could be because they are equally scared of success as they are of failure. The big book talks about use being "characters in a play" and I think some folks are so used to being the down and out loser character that the proposition of being anything different seems impossible and unfathomable. Some of us may truly believe we have sinned or screwed up so bad that we deserve to make our lives into crap or have our lives just "be" crappy. Some folks are probably so angry at God that they cannot resolve the conflict and won't even take the first step such to even develop a glimmer of faith. Those are my best guesses as to why a person can know damn well they are alcoholic or an addict, that it's turning their life to hell and just not care enough to change.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
My husband and I were talking about that last night Mark - and wondering - why don't some people care? Why do you think that is? We were talking about a person that we see about to lose her kids and husband and house - and not care. And I see people come in having lost all that all the time. I tried to explain that it's because the disease just progresses farther in some than in others... but I don't really know what I'm talking about or if that's right.
I guess it's all relative. We all get off the downward elevator at some point, some just take it down further or never get off.
I'm pretty sure we all drank way past the point we should have. Someone on the outside looking at any of us still drinking and destroying our lives would ask "why the hell is he doing that?"
They are just taking the same stuff we did to another level. But for the grace of God....
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
