I was sober since the 14th and going to meetings and everything else I was supposed to do. Well I was surfing the daring website where I met my wife and lo and behold she put up a new profile. She is looking for a long term relationship. We have not even been separated a month and she is already putting herself out there.
Well I guess seeing that kind of destroyed me. I went to the liquor store and got some vodka and got smashed. Yes it was the wrong thing to do but seeing her beautiful face on that dating site put me over the edge and I totally lost it. I did the whole blackout thing and the whole nine yards.
Im trying to handle this without further drinking but I am emotionally wrecked.
You DO know that you're at the right place to find the right tools you need to 'fix' this recurring problem don't you ??? ... (There's not a problem in the world that a drink won't make worse!) ... many of us here are living in the solution, not the problem ... you CAN too IF you have the 'desire' to ... FIRST, you must admit you have a problem controlling your drinking ... if you can't control the amount you drink after the first one, then you are probably one of us ... and you're welcome to come to us and learn our 'way of life' and the solution to your problem ... stick around a while and if you don't like our program, then we'll refund to you, all your misery ...
I don't mean to 'get onto' you, I've been through the same scene as you've described ... I didn't just quit, It took some very hard-headed lessons for me to learn before sanity came back around to my door ... in the beginning, I could not, just not drink ... but going to many meetings and learning to change the 'way I think', was the ticket I needed to stay sober for just today ... guess what? ... the days turned to weeks, the weeks turned to months, the months to years ... this program works IF you'll work it ... keep coming back ... get off the 'emotional roller-coaster' ... we have the 'tools' in a 'toolkit' for you in the Big Book of AA ... we have what you need to fix things ...
Make this a 'selfish program for now, til you have something to give back ... although, you've just given me another reason for me to stay sober today, and for that, I am grateful ...
Love ya Bro and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I was always a sucker for punishment. It takes some practice, but soon you'll stop doing things to further hurt yourself... if you work this program honestly : )
I had to purposely think things like "do not look at that, do something else right now and never look back Natasha" when I knew it could be something that could wreck me. Soon, I got used to being more gentle and caring with myself. It is the best thing for everyone too. I couldn't know that I, or anyone else was exactly how they were suppose to be when I first got here... so I just kept doing things in my program, threw myself into it even harder when I felt my emotional roller coaster ticket burning a hole in my pocket, and eventually, it disintegrated all together, and a new life emerged from better actions.
You have the power to make good choices - you reached out here - that proves it. Keep coming back : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
dear Ghost! Thank you for the opportunity to carry our message! YOU are part of the reason I get to STAY! As a drunk, I believed that things that happened, made me drink. A.A. gave me the Truth! "The alcoholic has no effective mental defense against the first drink. We are unable, to bring into our consciousness, with sufficient force, the memory of the suffering and humiliation of a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink!" YIPES!!!
When I got THAT, I conceded to my innermost self, that I was doomed to drink again....NO MATTER WHAT! I needed A.A. to give me a REAL first step. Just "admitting" AINT IT! But with that first step.......God and A.A. have kept me sober through :
The first 12 years...alll of my dreams came true: a new family inside of a.a., purpose, joy, friendships, graduating from college, falling in love, having a home, career and a business, having a son...... Honey, as a drunk I was a little bit "street"...and NEVER Mommy material lol! I was showered in gifts and magic and absolute bliss.....ahhhh......sigh.......
At 12 years sober......a man hit my family and I, seriously injuring my husband, and myself ( our precious 4 year old, was in the back seat) . God and A.A. kept me sober....When our boy was 5, I had a stroke from my injury and became wheelchair reliant (vision impaired also, cannot drive). ..Still God and A.A. kept me sober. 6 months later, my beloved husband died of his injuries ( with 26 years of sobriety)..... STILL GOD and A.A. kept me sober! A short time later, with an A.A. friend, driving us to a treatment center to carry A.A. s message to the alcoholic who still suffers, A drunk driver hit us head on! My son was destroyed by that wreck.....and became repeatedly institutionalized......AND STILL GOD AND A.A. KEPT ME SOBER! I LOST our BUSINESS and my ability to work, and have had to accept the degradation of disability...........AND STILL GOD AND A.A. HAVE KEPT ME SOBER ( and always drug free)! I share my story with you, in the hope and prayer, that you might believe, that God and A.A. have kept me sober, through the delights of joys of bliss......AND......through the complete anihilation of myself and everything I love! Dear Ghost! There is a REAL solution, and it is yours, if you want it enough!
Thank you for sharing yourself with me.......thank you for letting me share my sobriety with you.........you made my whole entire day (no foolies :) )
Angels bless you......and please Keep Coming Back..................................and if you cant "keep coming back"............ask your Angels to HELP you KEEP COMING BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know what? I ran into my ex my recent ex my first love we broke up before I entered the program and got sober she's been sober for 2 years and it killed me when I seem her with a new girl now fiancée with the ring she was going to give for me it sucks big to but I got through it hang strong keep your head up people are here for you
What a wonderful share and post you just gave ... I've been some years sober but I needed that, thank you so much ... you are a fine testament that God will put no more on us than we can bare ... although, ...I think He/She comes awfully close sometimes ... My sobriety has seen it's challenges too and like you 'God and AA kept me sober' ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Ghostman - Early sobriety is very fragile. If you look for reasons to relapse you will find them easily. Don't EVER look for a reason to relapse. Keep your sobriety at the forefront otherwise you will be stuck in crappy things happening and drinking and then more crappy stuff happening and drinking over that... The hole will just keep getting deeper and you will never crawl out.
A few key sayings:
There is nothing that is so bad that a drink will not make it worse If your ass falls off, pick it up and take it to a meeting. Don't drink no matter what. Play the tape foward (meaning envision how you will feel relapsed with a bad ass hangover and a wife that still has her picture on that dating site). Drinking "at" other people doesn't hurt them. It hurts you.
Welcome back and while it may be hard to envision your life coming together at this point. It will if you keep at this. Your sobriety is like a newly planted flower. It will only blossom if you water it, take care of it, and nurture it. Don't rip the flower up by the roots through relapsing. Let AA take root in your and vice versa. You earned your seat here in AA. Cling to it like it is saving your life....because it is.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Yes ghostman, ... indeed, it's a good thing ... go to a meeting tonight and just sit and listen ... try to listen for the parts you can 'relate' to ... slowly, you'll come to see just how our program works and how the miracle does, in fact, happen ...
Don't give up just before the miracle comes to you, keep on going to meetings ... they're free and you can get a cup of coffee to boot ... (we are self-supporting though, and if you can toss a dollar in the 'kitty'(basket), that helps) but is not required ... just don't drink ... get a Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and read it ... they are usually available -at cost- at most group meetings ...
Please stop beating yourself up long enough to get well ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
it sucks big to but I got through it hang strong keep your head up people are here for you