You sound a lot like me when I first came to AA ... I too, was depressed over the mess I was making in my life and I wasn't to keen on working the steps ... I also left very determined to fix myself and somehow maintain control of my drinking ... and when that failed, I didn't know where to turn except to try AA again, as only a dying man could do ... when the pain of drinking again outweighed the pleasure, I became open to anything ...
I came back ... and I went to the 90 meetings in 90 days as suggested ... this way I got to see the good positive side of AA along side some pretty sad stories as well ... I also learned that alcohol is a strong depressant which added to my already depressed state of mind ...
AA teaches us how to live without drinking by learning to be the spiritual beings we are, not along any religious guidelines, but by learning to be the real us ... yes, unless you feel yourself a god of some sort, we do recognize there is a power greater than ourselves in play here ... you may chose the AA group as your higher power for now, cause you looking at people that would not be able to stay sober without the fellowship of the group ... a group of hopeless drunks that have been sober for years ??? ... a miracle to say the least ... where did that power come from ??? ... it didn't just happen, so there is, in fact, a power greater than us ... it really isn't so hard to believe if you give it a little thought ... you just admitted you can't control your drinking by yourself ... AND, you are staring at the solution to your problems here, right in front of you ... join us in our happy destiny to sober living ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 27th of December 2012 09:11:05 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
This is my first time here to this site. i am an alcoholic. I tried to go to AA meetings in my area and at the time stopped drinking for a while andthen decided AA meetings were not for me, because the meetings I went to were very depressing. It was hard listening to people who I had nothing in common with except excessive drinking. They were nice, but it was more depressing to go to the meeting, then to quit by myself. The other reason i stopped, is because I'm not a believer in a higher power, and AA is extremely religious - I am not at all.
So I didn't go any further, and a few months later found myself drinking again, thinking I could have one or two cocktails on the weekend. Then it got worse, of course, and when I'm in this state, I'm severely depressed. So I drink, then I get depressed, and definitely antisocial, and don't take care of everyday things - the same cycle over and over. I just want to stop drinking and have no idea how to accomplish this. Seems so simple, but I could be sober for weeks, then all of a sudden, I make a bad choice and buy some vodka - my drink of choice.
So here I am. Just want to stop and need some support I guess. Just don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost.
AA is not for de-toxing, there are other ways for that in the short term. But it sounds like your problem is starting again once you stop.
AA also isn't just going to meetings. You have to embrace the system of the 12 steps and alter your life to work around those principles. This does more than just keep you from drinking, it turns you into a person who can life life without chemical help, if you get my meaning.
Maybe you need a more structured introduction to the tried-and-true methods of staying sober. As Pappy suggests, 90 meetings in 90 days is one way to do this. Counseling in a group setting, either outpatient or inpatient, is another way.
Whatever you do, keep trying. Books I've read say that it's the ones who keep trying that make it. One failure or a dozen or 50 does not mean trying again will not work
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Welcome lostgirl. Happy to have you here. This is the first time I've tried to stop drinking and I'm taking the AA route. So far it's working well for me and I see the change growing inside of me all the time. I hope you are able to find the recovery program you are looking for.
I'm pretty new to this too so I can only offer how things have gone for me so far. I too have tried to quit before without going to AA, so this time around I thought I would try AA. There are some meetings where I don't identify with anything being said. There are others where I do. I figure it's worth my odds for those lightbulb moments. Also, it's often the people who I have the least in common with on the surface that share something which ends up being really helpful to me, or something I can identify with.
As for the Higher Power thing, I am an atheist. So far, I am looking at the energy of the fellowship and the essence of me as I am at my very core as my higher power.
Millions of AAers making meetings, living in the steps, sober and happy.
One lostgirl doing it her way drunk and misirable.
The truest line i ever heard in the beginning that used to piss me of to no end is " keep doin what your doin, you'll keep gettin what your gettin "
Welcome, there has been some good direction on this thread i hope you listen to it and join us. You dont have to be alone any more if you dont want to be. And by the way, AA is not religious its spiritual. The difference is religious people are afraid to go to hell and spiritual people already been there and dont want to go back.
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
I want to thank you all for your posts. I identify with lots of things that were said here. I'm going to try and make it to a meeting tonight after work, but life seems to interfere with going to meetings. I have a 10 year old son with a disability, I'm a single mom with hardly any assistance, and I have to check in on my mom who is many towns over because she has dimentia, and I need to make sure she eats. So many excuses, I know. Trust me, I know. But I am trying to take it one day at a time, one freakin minute at a time more like it these days!!! But I want to be able to take care of my son to the best of my ability, and want to have a good life with him, while he's still here!! I guess my higher power would be inside me, and inside my son. I have the will, just need to make sure not to stop by a liquor store today!!!! Thank you!
Hey lost girl:) welcome. I agree with the advice given so far. This is my first experience with AA at all, and at first I had trouble identifying. In the area I live in there are many different meetings, and they seem to be pretty divided by very different 'types' of people. I live in a city, so there's a big homeless population. There's also a few halfway houses around. I pretty much went to any and all meetings (still do). I heard many stories of despair and desperation- guys who spoke of prison, living under a bridge, heroin.. All of these things I felt were really sad and hadn't experienced myself. Sometimes it was sad.. Sometimes I didn't feel all that uplifted. The truth? I could identify with each and every one. Sure the externals didn't match up, but man, once they started talking about alcoholism ( or drug addiction) I was right there with them. I, too, was full of despair and desperation- I went to work everyday and slept in an apartment, but the essence of our experiences were pretty much the same. I learned so much from listening to these guys. It took me a bit to understand that- I just kept going. Haha, that reminds me of one gentleman in particular. Hes a rough type- did a stint in prison for robbing a gas station at gunpoint, and was homeless for a bit. I was at a meeting, and must've looked pitiful because as I walk by all he said to me was "keep coming". I was soooo angry! Haha-"keep coming?!? Go f yourself!" is what I'm thinking. I was there the next day, and the day after.. And going today:) Hang in there, dont give up on meetings.
Agree with Billyjack. If you are determined to view yourself as more tragic and unique than the milliions of people that stay sober in AA, then that is exactly what will keep happening. You will stay the same. As stated above, AA is not religious, it is spiritual. You also will do much better identifying with the other people instead of comparing yourself to them. The 1 thing you overlook as being a small common factor "everyone is alcoholic" is EVERYTHING.
The nature of alcoholism is to sabotage everything. The disease is self-sabotaging. Hence, I suspect you just let your disease dominate your whole AA experience thus far. Stop listening to the disease and start listening to what's being said at meetings.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Again, thanks to everyone for their responses. I sit here at work and had to overcome an overwhelming feeling of just going to the 7/11 to get a drink, or to the liquor store and buy a couple of shot bottles. I kept thinking of you guys and your words of encouragement. And I kept saying to myself "I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying" and "I'm sober right now". It actually got me through, and here I sit, in my office with no vodka in my system or in my purse. I'm pushing through this day to say an absolute - 1 DAY SOBER! 1 DAY DOWN!! I can do this - one day, or at least one hour, at a time. Now to find a meeting in the area! THANK YOU!!!! FOR HELPING ME STAY SOBER TODAY!
Boy, does that bring back memories ... hang in there at all costs lostgirl, and remember there's not problem that you can come across that a drink won't make worse ... BE SURE to make a meeting this evening or tonight ... 2 if you can swing it ...
Your off to a good start ... say the serenity prayer often AND have some sweets on you to curb the alcohol cravings ... (candy is a great way to settle the physical cravings down a bit ..)
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Go to meetings, change playmates & playgrounds, getting a bunnch of people numbers from AA & call them, AA members will help you recover & stay sober, get a sponsor& this person will help guide you through the steps so that life will get better
I haven't written or checked board in a while since i started to post. I have not had a drink since December 28th. Very proud of me. An FYI - my husband and I were separated, one reason is because he is a severe alcoholic and I needed to get away from that and he didn't want to stop. He recently was hospitalized, again, but this time was very serious. He has cirrhosis and basically almost died. Was kept in a self induced coma for a week, intubated, and in ICU. He had to get TIPS procedure (shunt near liver to redicrect blood flow) because he was bleeding out from esophogial verices. All very technical but part of my world now. He was hospitalized for a total of 22 days, and is still not well. He's jaundiced and has low hemoglobins and on meds and taking steps to be sober so he can eventually hopefully be able to get a liver transplant. That may be his only option to live. He's in denial about being able to go back to work, but at least he entered himself into a rehab center and just recently was released. I've been taking care of him and making sure he doesn't get "confused", because that's a really bad sign for the stage he's at. He also is very forgetful, tired, dizzy, and shaky. He lost almost 60 lbs through this whole ordeal.
Seeing him in the hospital made me realize i can't drink and don't want to at all. I'm learning patience though. Just don't know what we're going to do because our problems with each other aren't solved. We're still "separated", but I want to help him as much as I can.
Anyway, with all of this, I have been so busy with hospital visits, doctor's visits, taking care of my son and working. Busy keeps my mind off alcohol though. It's been a hell of a year!!
Michelle, ... you are certainly going to be in my prayers tonight and for a while ... ... ... You sound like a strong woman that's doing the right thing ... I would only remind you that sobriety for yourself must come first, before all else ... then placing the future in God's hands will be of comfort to you, no matter what He has in store for you ...
God Bless you and strengthen you, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
