Ya know i had this friend who i use to party with all the time guess he wasnt really a freind he had the nerve to call me and ask me to by him so damn alcohol i flipped out on him and called him all types of names.. Then i had to tenth step it..But he said i have no right to be mad at him..I dont talk to him anymore dont you think thats wrong for someone to do that? Like that made me so angry...i ct him off real quick..Then one of my freinds who ive been close freinds with 22 years lietrally we been freinds all our lives now were not friends anymore because of me not drinking and she said i changed and all that..But she use to do shit like talk down on AA and judge us all and try to get me to drink then she would make little AA jokes and trying to poor beer in my diet coke and shit..shit wasa annoying...:-/ she kept saying if you drink you wont be the worst person in the world but yes you will she just doenst get it and she was all i went through aa and the steps and the books and all that and im like well obviouslly it didint work for you and blah blah blah i shouldnt feel bad...right..I think i did the right thing..i knwo we been friens for yeas but sometimes its just it is what it is othe than that things are great
Aloha Tegan...I think I was told one time that I had to get away from all things alcohol and that one time made just enough sense that it was what I started to do and never stopped doing till I was away from everything alcohol...including my family, wife and friends. I never went back. Sometimes I visit always with the awareness that I'm not staying longer than intended and no matter how they feel about me no longer drinking I don't discuss it or defend it...I don't do it at all anymore. Hug them and move on.
You have the choice be be annoyed or grateful...pick one.
I had to part ways with some of my so-called friends after I quit drinking. It was my last ditch effort to save what was left of my life. Of course they felt a bit betrayed after I made the transition, like I was committing alcoholic treason or something, but it doesn't surprise me on bit. I think they felt a bit jealous that's all.
They wanted me to give up my A.A. gig and return to the glory days of old. They said "it was more fun that way". I disagreed, that's why we're no longer friends. It's something that needed to happen anyway, so don't feel troubled by all of this. It's part of the recovery process that's all. Besides, it's better this way. No more hangovers or late night excuses, just a great day to be sober. Wouldn't you agree?
This might be a good time to list off to them some of the reasons for a person like us 'not to drink' ... I'm sure if they heard your reasons they would certainly be able to identify with a few, and perhaps begin to understand your reasoning ... I would tell them these are the very reasons I don't drink anymore:
I drank for happiness and became unhappy.
I drank for joy and became miserable.
I drank for sociability and became argumentative.
I drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.
I drank for friendship and made enemies.
I drank for sleep and woke up tired.
I drank for strength and felt weak.
I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.
I drank for courage and became afraid.
I drank for confidence and became doubtful.
I drank to make conversation easier and slurred my speech.
I drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.
Author Unknown
Now, if they can't understand that, then they have some more drinking to do, just leave us out of it ... leave the 'friendship door' open, who knows, they may need our guidance in the future to the solution to their problems ... this is no reason to be annoyed or angry, it's an opportunity for them to see us in a different light, and perhaps develop the attitude that they would like what we have ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Glad you shared about it Tegan - feels good to get it out I bet. I suppose your HP could guide you through this one if you asked. I would try meditating on the 3rd step prayer... best wishes, Tasha
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I can identify somewhat Tegan. Relationships shift and change as we change in the program. Say a prayer and stay the course. You will attract friends that better suit you as the new person you are and you don't need to cling to folks that just don't fit up with your value system any more. It's okay to let them go, but you can do it with love and not be annoyed. Dunno if that helps at all.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Many of my old relationships have ended since I got sober. I try very hard to release those people with love, remembering the gifts and lessons learned. The friends I have made in sobriety are dearly treasured and I aim to focus on what I have instead of what I lost. Not all friendships are made to last a lifetime but my sobriety can, if I take it one day at a time. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
That's a great list, Pappy, I've never seen that before. And SO TRUE.
Sorry about your friend, Tegan. I'm struggling with the ways in which sobriety will change my social dynamic too. Hope you can reach out to people in the program who have been there.
Tegan, sounds like some of your friends might be in the throws of self centeredness and addiction possibly.
Not so much their fault, you really can't be much of a friend in that state so hopefully you can understand and not be so angry. We need to do what's needed to stay sober.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
