Hi, my name is Robin and I am an alcoholic...and this is my story.
     I was born with a thinking and feeling problem. I had my first resentment sitting in a high-chair as a baby, and I carried that grudge and every resentment after that for many years. I couldn't form a binding relationship with anyone. I was an isolator, and very self-centered. I never gave anyone a lick of consideration and felt angry and depressed most of the time and I made some very selfish choices. Did bad things happen to me as a child? Yes. Did I deserve them all? No. Life just kept coming at me and I didn't have the instructions. My parents didn't have the istructions and, very likely, my grandparents didn't either. I often believed that the word "dysfunction" was formed because of my family!
    When I was 11, I was living with an Uncle in Texas and "helping" him clean a bar at night. That was where I encountered my first solution to all my problems. Someone's leftover wiskey became my savior. I became "happy" and outgoing. I also became a liar, a thief, a cheat, and a coward. I developed my own set of principles to live by...take as much as possible...never let anyone in...hit before they can hit you...it's all mine...you don't matter...and make sure you run away from everything. I was in the bars at the age of 14 and blacking out by 18. I had also attempted suicide twice by then. By the time I was 22 I had been married twice and had 3 kids...and, of course, they didn't get the instructions either!
    I was first introduced to the program when I was 20, but it took 13 more years of me to find my way back. By the time I came back in for the last time I had no one left in my life again and I was more depressed than ever. My last drunk was June 13th, 1989. I took all the booze I could get my hands on and had placed a chair under the door handle of my bedroom, intending to drink myself to death without inturruption. Funny thing was, there was nobody left to care. Well, maybe one...God. I remember being in such a stupor and saying, "God, if you're out there, please help me" and then I passed out.
    When I came to the next day the first thing I remembered was AA. There was still a few ounces of booze left but somehow I found the courage to pour it out. I got myself cleaned up and found a meeting 30 miles away (didn't want anybody to recognize me). It was a speaker meeting and the guy was telling my story. I sat in the back of the meeting hall and bawled and someone next to me suggested I pick up a chip afterwards. They also suggested I pick up an instruction manual (the Big Book) and read it and to keep coming back.
    I got a sponsor right away this time and, even though I still had a problem with believing I was an alcoholic, I started taking instruction right away. All I had to do was read the book and stay sober between meetings. After reading some of the book I realized why I am an alcoholic. I found me throughout that book. I struggled for awhile because I didn't want to be an alcoholic, but then found that it really doesn't matter what I "want" because I AM! I was also presented with the solution in that book and told about the wonderful things that happen as a result of practicing this way of life and I found that I wanted it with my whole being. We worked the steps together and life got better...and then it got worse...and then it got better...
    That was June 14, 1989 and I haven't found it necessary to pick up a drink since. I found a whole new set of principles to live by and instructions to keep my head and spirit right. I have friends today and have managed to build healthy relationships with my family...AA and origin...and HP, of course! We trudge this road to happy destiny together...and I hope to meet more of you as you travel it with us! It's an awesome trip!