I'm excited to be home and see everyone. Can't imagine I would have said that I would be excited to see my fellow Wisconsin AAer's 6 months ago! But I really am... no one in particular... just all the farmiliar people that are my close family here.
I went to a meeting while in Virginia. It was different, and that guy who sits on my shoulder and says "look for the similarities, not the differences" was out getting a shoe shine or something. I had a lot to reflect upon when I left. I was at the mercy of my brother to pick me up, and since he got lost and was really late, some super friendly normal looking guys stayed in the dark parking lot with me until he arrived. I was so thankful they did that, although, I must admit, a bit scared of them too I guess.
I thought about how difficult getting sober would be if I had no car... no money... no family to support me while I did almost nothing but recovery 90 days. I'm so grateful for the path I got to take, and no, the road wasn't always so straight, but I'm thankful for the things that did fall into place just so intricately that I could be sitting here happy joyous and free today. Really free.
The 12th tradition was the topic, and I learned a lot. I was reminded again at how little I actually know about this program at this point. I wondered if it could be the reason my sponsee is constantly relapsing. Then as the fear and anxiety washed over me, it was clear that since my HP would not feel such things... I am clearly not God. I am clearly, not, responsible for someone else's sobriety. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the seat I was sitting in... sober... warm... a few crunchy doritto's spilling over to my section of the table from the noisy guys next to me texting.
I don't ever remember even getting to SMELL dorrito's in jail.
The sights, the smells, the acceptable social behavior was all together different... but I just hugged my family in Virginia all the same... they helped me learn, grow and stay alive another day... just like my farmiliar family here.
Lastly, having the ability to mostly just read here on MIP for these past days was great. There were lots of things I wanted to say and couldn't, and that was a great lesson in itself. Things go on just the same... it all happens wether I'm here or not. I am not so important, and I chant be thinking so any more : ) The beautiful lesson and gift in this, is that what I get out of this program is entirely up to me. My actions and thoughts make my reality. If I get involved, I get huge benefits from it. If I don't, I don't. And it is entirely worth it to stay connected, keep on keepin on, and put in the effort. I feel closer to my HP when I'm doing his work even if it's as simple as making the effort to post here instead of just read, or show up at a meeting and shake someone's hand even when I think I'm too shy and lie to myself and say I dont want to as a cover for my insecurity.
Overall, the small little hurdles I try to overcome, build upon themselves, and all at once I have a new life, a new out look and a content smile. I get to have a real joy in coming home and sharing my life with my AA family of friends... and that's you.
Thanks for being here for me : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Nicely said, JAD! I've been to meetings in VA and they are quite different! Gotta love um and it works for them so who am I to say? I have been to meetings all over the US and it is fun to visit and see how they "do it" but it is so nice to come home! And we learn and we pass it on! What a journey! Thanks for sharing and being here for me too!
Thank you for your thoughtful post. I was at a speaker meeting this weekend that was new to me and I could definitely focused on the differences if I wanted to. Instead, I settled in and heard an incredible story. It's wild how different the world seems through more positive lenses. I'm going to try them on for a while and see what else happens. : )
Great post Tasha, ... I enjoyed reading it ... Sharing our ESH is the fuel that keeps our program alive ... and I love to hear stories like the one you just posted ... glad you made it back home safely ...
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Some days, I like to sit back, relax and just read. It's a comfortable reassurance if not more. There are a lot of inspirational threads out there; some can even make your jaw drop. That's why it's good to read sometimes and not write. It's how I can a better perspective. Yours, Tasha, are one of my favorites. Thanks for keeping it green.
