Long time veteran of "making **** happen" lol. I've settled a lot over the years and alot of the time sit back and let it be. But boy I can still get caught up in the moment, obsessed by some vision of mine of "how it should be".
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 27th of November 2012 11:15:50 PM
Got a call from a sponcee today, he came in the rooms about 2 years ago extremely distressed, facing his 3d DUI in 5 years. He is slightly mental handicap, but I have never seen anyone put as much effort into the program as he has. He calls 70-100 people a week and a lot of service work.
He calls today, had been gradually getting his hours cut from his job bussing tables and today was given the pink slip. All I can do is share my experience, which is: many events and results that I deemed to be negative at the time historically proved to be positive, God was showing me grace.
Lost jobs lead to better opportunities, lost relationships lead to the right ones. My alcoholism, final DUI and seeming lifetime sentence to AA rooms would lead to wonderful friends, joyful times, 12 promises and a design for living that works in rough going.
The longer I'm sober, the more I realize that I just don't always know what is best for me or what result I should be looking for? Makes it easier to work the 3d step and turn it over to God.
Anyone else have experiences like this?
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I have a 'long distance' sponsee similar to this, a nurse, ... but she keeps returning to trying to control her environment rather than accepting what life is giving her ... poor choices has led her back to trouble over and over again .. even though some of her troubles are not of her own doing ... she sees it as the 'cards' being stacked against her ... I have kept insisting that by working the AA program, she can reshuffle the deck and then be prepared to play the cards as they're dealt ...
I haven't heard from her for a few days now ... I keep her in my prayers of course, but have accepted there are just some things I cannot control ... It's in God's hands and that's where it needs to be ...
Thanks guys, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Yes ,based on the evidence,each time I start drifting spiritually,think im taking back the reins and relinquishing my morning meditations on our 3rd/11 steps to that ever enticing thought of "I got this," look out 'THAT OLE BLACK MAGIC GOT ME IN ITS SPELL,,THAT OLE BLACK MAGIC THAT I KNOW SO WELL,DOWN AND DOWN I GO...........!!!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I'm freaking out over the prospect of losing my job, too. I'm surprisingly less resentful at the person who instigated so much chaos at work, but I'm certainly frazzled. I've been at the verge of tears all night. I will have some moments when I throw up my arms and laugh at the workplace insanity, but others when I'm scrambling to control. It's just so much during these first 30 days. I think it was actually work that worsened my drinking that then brought me here and to AA. So, there is some sort of plan here.
I'm freaking out over the prospect of losing my job, too. I'm surprisingly less resentful at the person who instigated so much chaos at work than I used to get before I had started alanon, but I'm certainly frazzled. I've been at the verge of tears all night. I will have some moments when I throw up my arms and laugh at the workplace insanity, but others when I'm scrambling to control. I think it was actually work that worsened my drinking that then brought me here and to AA. So, there is some sort of plan here.
I remember reading somewhere about the alcoholic being cast hither and yon like a leaf, being pushed this way and that by lifes circumstances. Almost like a victim of life. This was referring to the still suffering alcoholic. But many come to AA and interperet parts of the program to mean that they should just passively stand by while life happens to them, just accept that that's the way it is.
But our basic text does not say that. Quite the contrary. Early on, around page 17, we are warned that ther will be low spots ahead and we better prepare for them. The book tells us we will survive those if we are in fit spiritual condition, and it tells us how to manage that. It further tells us that we will have a relationship with our God which will solve all our problems. And we are reminded almost endlessly that we are to seek through prayer and meditation His instructions on the action we should take each day and in each situation, then take the action and leave the result up to God. Sometimes we make mistakes, but now we have the ability (step 10) to rectify and learn from them rather than drink over them.
Some low spots have come my way, things I am powerless over, and I find I can accept them with a degree of serenity. While there is much that can be changed, I do sometimes wonder if some of us have forgotten how to dream. We stay in jobs we don't like, we stay in unhappy relationships, we stay in circumstances we don't really like. Yet we could make changes, pursue dreams if only we had the courage and faith. The book tells us that God will provide what we need if we stay close to Him and perform His work well, it tells us we will be free to go anywhere free men can go and we will be safe and protected.
All it sometimes takes is the faith to step out there, to take the opportunities that God puts in our path, to walk through the doors that he opens for us. When we lose something or don't get something we want we often find that God has something better in mind. If there was one thing I am the most grateful for, it is the fact that I didn't always get my own way.
Yeah, I've been there too. If the s*** hit the fan, I would be the likely suspect. Not today, though; thanks to my A.A. connections and God of course
Life is indeed short, but the time I spent drinking was way too long. I regret spending day after day making up excuses, and choosing to live my life the same exact way -while desperately wanting a different life for myself. I regret spending my time on barstools -worrying over past mistakes, while desperately wanting, needing to quit. Basically, I spent a lot of time doing 'nothing'. Days, weeks, years, nothing; when I could have done all of this a decade ago. Thank God for the third step. Onward.
I tried for years to get along with my old boss at my last job. I stayed there 2 years into my sobriety. I tried to make amends and own my part of the dysfunction. It didn't stop the chaos. The boss was corrupt and the whole organization was corrupt. The resentment exploded, I screamed at her, got put on suspension without pay for 2 weeks.
During that time, I filed a very long harrassment complaint against her. The coorperate office sided with me more or less (cuz this lady was pretty awful). Regardless, I had put in 20 resumes and gone on interviews, so when I came back to work, I wound up quitting 2 weeks later (with notice).
End result - a new job that pays better with coworkers who treat me with respect.
I really thought gutting it out and making constant amends to this immoral woman at a corrupt company was the "right" thing to do program wise. It wasn't. I needed to go.
As far as what happened to the boss and the company - She was fired a year later for doing the same crap to other people (I was like 1 of 100 people she'd harrassed). Next month the entire job site will be shut down largely due to it's corruption. Had I stayed there, I'd be looking for a job now like all my colleagues that stayed and put up with the BS.
God was taking care of me for sure!!! Hallelujah for real! (LOL)
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Great post Steve. "many events and results that I deemed to be negative at the time historically proved to be positive, God was showing me grace." That's been my experience also. God sometimes adds by subtraction. I also like: accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. Acceptance doesn't mean I have to accept the unacceptable. Big difference.
The Program has given me choices today. I no longer have to accept the unacceptable. No longer a doormat. Very grateful for that.
Going looking for a new job before losing or quitting the one you have is self-care Chaya. Whether you take sick leave or whatever...It's not a total lie...You are sick. Sick of that job LOL.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 28th of November 2012 07:50:47 PM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I was pretty unhappy in my job when I first got sober but knew I shouldn't make any big changes during the first year. About six months in, through a series of "coincidences", I got offered a really fabulous job. I prayed about it and made the move. It's been amazing how perfect it is for me. I didn't search for it, it found me. I feel like a lot of great stuff finds me when I am working the program and staying spiritually fit, and I am very grateful for that. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Good share, Rob, and everybody else too. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, wore it out, wrote the script, made the movie, played the lead role, made and sold the action figures! More will be revealed! Practice, practice, practice!
Mahalo Rob...I've had and still had those same experiences and so have my sponcees and which was proven in discussion with three of them in the last three days. Simularities of experiences...go figure.
I lied to get out of work today to go on an interview. I am having a lot of guilt as a result of my dishonesty. Also, I scraped the side of my car before the interview (strangely I didn't freak out). On the upside, instead of getting myself all wound up before the interview, I just sat and prayed and enjoyed the beauty around me. So, some highs and lows for the day. I know I shouldn't be making any big decisions (today is 30 days) but the new CEO at the company is on the war path. She's creating a case against me with constant emails being cc'ed to the other admin. I know I have to make plans and have options open in case I'm fired. It feels just awful, but I know my higher power has a plan in the works for me. I'm just so worried about the lie. I'm afraid of being caught and guilty that I have disrespected myself and others. 30 days ago I wouldn't have cared.
Going looking for a new job before losing or quitting the one you have is self-care Chaya. Whether you take sick leave or whatever...It's not a total lie...You are sick. Sick of that job LOL.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 28th of November 2012 07:50:47 PM
I'm just so worried about the lie. I'm afraid of being caught and guilty that I have disrespected myself and others. 30 days ago I wouldn't have cared.
Well that's something isn't it? That's one part of the great change you'll undergo. Don't sweat it. Progress and not perfection, and it gives you something to aim for the next time something like that comes up.
Don't be too hard on yourself. If you honestly look at yourself I think you'll see that you are heading in the right direction. At thirty days that's a miracle in and of itself.
I get it sometimes - and it's great - but then I fall back into the old habits and I try to grab back the reigns.
I really don't know why I do it. Life is so nice and works so well when I let go and let God take care of the big picture. A lack of faith despite all evidence, I guess.
I really need to keep in mind that God is either everything or He is nothing, and that giving myself over to Him means doing it completely, and not just when it (seems to) suit me.
It's like everything else in AA: simple but not easy, and I'll only get out if I put in.
I'll get there. Of that I'm sure. I just hope I don't make too many mistakes before I learn to give it over completely.
