We all beat ourselves up over "the wreckage of our past" when we get here. Time to put the bat away and get busy working the steps with a sponsor. This process will remove the shame, guilt, pain over our past, especially steps 4 and 5. Get busy so that you can experience the "Promises" that are guaranteed as a result of working the steps.
THE PROMISES
The Promises, that are read in many A.A. Meetings can be found on page 83-84, of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
THE A.A. PROMISES If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among ussometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
A VISION FOR YOU!
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you havent got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep youuntil then.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 27th of November 2012 07:45:48 PM
Why does recovery have to be so hard? Being currently sober, a recovering addict that is just starting to feel again... Hard to explain, but the hurt won't stop. Lots of bad, disgusting memories that won't go away, along with the hurt. Especially if you aren't trying to numb it. People look down on my disease as if I choose to do this. Like I want to look like a fool, disrespect myself, and to kill myself while doing so. I've nearly lost my family, my life, and am still craving more of a drink now than ever. I've poured it all out, and today is my sobriety birthday. I am making the decision right here, and now, before stepping foot in a meeting first chance I get tomorrow. I'll need a lot of help, as I've hit rock bottom and feel like one lost soul.
hugs you.. I dunno when this S*** is supposed to get better but i keep hearing that it does. I'm sorry your sad, i keep listening to what they say in meetings like you do not wanna ignore the past but choose not to live in it. Thats what i keep telling myself. The great thing about AA to me is that when i walk in a room theres so many people who have had either bad things happen to them or did some pretty unimaginable things and somehow it makes me feel like less of a peice of S*** ( sorry for my language imagine that will get better too though this program). I also am listening to people saying you know you have to find like your recovery package for what works for you like some use church,rehab,psych help sewing or i dunno underwater basket weaveing what ever it takes thats healthy for you to do to find your way back like me from the insanity that we have been living. You keep your head up and if your on here and down and out toss me a line ill talk to you cause i know exactly how you feel right now.
It is excruciatingly hard to step into the first meeting and then it gets easier from that point on. It's not a direct course because it's like 2 steps back and then 3 steps forward, but the progress keeps adding up each day that you stay sober and each day you work the AA program.
As you beome a sober person, you will get more distance from being the drunk/high low life you currently view yourself as. You wont experience people looking down on you and you wont worry about it when you are busy doing good things and working on yourself instead of self-sabotaging with alcohol and/or drugs.
Much of the "hurt" you are experiencing is literally the product of drug and alcohol abuse/dependency. It will clear up as long as you stay sober. The rest will slowly ease up as you work the steps, attend meetings, and courageously embrace the program.
If you bail, or talk yourself out of sobriety, the program, either, or both, the pain will continue and get worse.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome to the MIP board. As you will hopefully find out in the coming weeks of sobriety that recovery requires a lot of work and growth, but living in alcoholic hell is a thousand times worse. If you have hit bottom and can admit you are powerless, you can begin the journey to find a power greater than you that will help you with your problem.
All we ever have is this moment right now, your future is bright if you can allow yourself to commit 100% to this simple program.
I'm originally from Clev, living in ATL right now. I see you live in Columbus...Go Bucks!
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Your disease is wanting you to suffer ... it wants you to feel the guilt and come back to it for comfort ... but it's a false comfort, instead of making things better, if we drink or use, we always make them worse ... believe me, I've tried it both ways and the AA way is the way out of the trap ... our disease takes us hostage and binds us with chains like a slave ... AA is the only way I've found that allowed me to break free ..
Keep going to meetings and get a sponsor and read the AA Big Book ... the progress will most definitely seem slow to start, but it's well worth the reward you'll receive if you stick with it ... you're in the right place and remember to take things just 'One Day at a Time' ...
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Rachel, you have already made a huge step by addmitting you have a problem, and need help. It's not easy but the rewards are well worth the pain. I have only been sober for 3 months, but even this early I can feel the difference in the way I feel, the awy I think and the confidence that I have in my self. Don't push it and take one day at a time. Good luck and believe in your self!!!
Welcome Rachel! Glad to have you hear with us. I felt like you did when I entered The Program. I think we all do. None of get here on a winning streak. We all get here through the door of pain, misery and feeling lower than whale sh*t. It part of the process. Without it, there's no surrendering to this dreadful diesase. Just more of the same, because we think everything is o.k.
At the moment, your head is going to tell you lots of lies. You diesase wants you sick. Don't listen to it. Your head is like a bad neighborhood. Don't go in there alone. Write on here and talk with others in The Program. We/they will give you a clear perspective.
What worked for me was go to meetings. One per day for awhile. Talk with people at the meeting. Identify with others. You'll see your not alone and not as bad as you think you are. After listening for awhile, you be glad you have your problems and not someone else's. We Alcoholics have this mindset of being terminally unique. It's one of our shortcomings. When the dust settles we all suffer from the same malady. Get a Sponsor and ask for help. Ask that Sponsor to take you through the 12 Steps. Keep moving forward. Upon completion The Promises outlined above with take hold. You will amend that wreckage and once again be valuable member of society. With new found freedom and happiness. It's an opportunity not to be missed. The only guilt and shame is having a problem and not doing anything about it.
I'm sorry you're hurting ,been there done that will be there again .
recovery hurts because I don't have my only coping skill anymore .I used drugs to deal with all my problems. when I got sober I had to learn new ways . that took time . sucks . patience is a bass tard .
keep talking .try to take life 1 day at a time , generally when I am freaki.ng ut it is about the past
or future,so I try to stay in the moment .
I stopped hurting after I'd been sober for a while and I noticed that I wasn't the person that caused all that pain anymore. That was when I understood that I hadn't been a bad person. I'd been a sick person. That didn't lessen my responsibilities to make things right where possible or accept my role in it, but I knew this me wouldn't have done those things or hurt the ones I loved.
That was when the healing truly began and I could look myself in the mirror without despising who I saw.
Why does recovery have to be so hard? Being currently sober, a recovering addict that is just starting to feel again... Hard to explain, but the hurt won't stop. Lots of bad, disgusting memories that won't go away, along with the hurt. Especially if you aren't trying to numb it. People look down on my disease as if I choose to do this. Like I want to look like a fool, disrespect myself, and to kill myself while doing so. I've nearly lost my family, my life, and am still craving more of a drink now than ever. I've poured it all out, and today is my sobriety birthday. I am making the decision right here, and now, before stepping foot in a meeting first chance I get tomorrow. I'll need a lot of help, as I've hit rock bottom and feel like one lost soul.