There was a little bit of confusion over how to get the door unlocked at the clubhouse today. The older gentleman who was having a bit of a problem was holding up the line of us freezing Wisconsinites wanting to get in... but that wasn't a big deal. We're used to being cold most of our lives.
What I thought was kind of a big deal was when another guy, one of the most colorful elder you'd ever meet... a guy who's been in the program for longer than I've been alive, is a hoarder and wears part of his hoard, and who is also sleeping outdoors or at the shelter due to his house being too full... stutters, and has several mental handicaps and challenges daily... came to help this other guy having trouble. That wasn't a big deal except - the lady standing in line ahead of me has Multiple Sclorosis, and walks with a walker, and had no coat on, and looked particularily wabbly and handicap today.
So I asked the gentleman to please let the lady go through so she could sit down... they were fiddling around with the door wide open - but blocking everyone from getting through.
I was told by the elder to go sit down myself, and the other guy got right in my face, pointed in it, raised his shoulders back to be taller than me (I'm 5'9'') and said "RESPECT Your ELDERS!"
Bam Bam BAM!
So I of course was hurt. I stood in the hall wondering what I did wrong. I considered never going to that meeting again... and I recognized the old me right away. Totally over reacting!
LOL Silly me, I would have stuck to that too.
Instead, I prayed. I remembered why I was there. For me today, it's about learning to handle things differently. To practice different reactions. To live in a social world, full of imperfect people just like me, and accept things the way they are. The way my HP has laid things out for me today.
So, I calmed down... I remembered what I love about those two guys. I considered why they were offended. I couldn't figure it out and still can't. So I decided to think about it for a few days instead of marching right up to them and asking them (and probably creating a scene) as to how I was disrespecting them... when all I really wanted was for them to let a disabled lady get a chair!!
I considered bringing it up as a topic. Yup - I'm crazy and manipulative like that too. Then I realized what a selfish baby I am just in time.
Quite simply... it came to this: It doesn't really matter if I was in the right or in the wrong. It doesn't really matter if those guys took offense and don't like me. The disabled lady got to a seat without falling down, the men got to say their peace and probably just misunderstood what I was trying to do, and I just got to let it be.
That's progress for me.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Friday 16th of November 2012 06:27:04 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
That's tremendous progress Tasha ... ... ... the old guys probably were more concerned with getting the door closed or to shut properly than anything else ... maybe it been a problem in the past, who knows? ... but I'm glad everything turned out okay ... no use making a mountain out of a 'mole hill' like I used to do and was good at ... that doesn't help anyone in the end ...
I'm very proud of you ... great lesson ...
Love Ya, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm sure even though you were hurt, even for a sec., that lady probably appreciated your kindness. And I'm sure the Good Lord took notes that you 'let it be'. What a little gem of wisdom! That is the thing I LOVE about this site. We can learn so much even in the simplest situations!!! thanks!
Great job Tasha! The part of me that's still the 'old me' and working out my resentments towards men thought smugly while reading your post "hmm well that's men for ya!".. Until I read Pappys thoughts and considered he may be right lol! Ok, the part I really connected with in your story here was your thoughts on "never attending this meeting again"... I've done this. When I initially started going to meetings anything I perceived to be a slight or dirty look in my head became an unforgivable personal affront.. I'm the newcomer, after all, and it's all about ME haha. Not that this is what you were thinking, but just that one line makes me realize that I still kinda think like this on occasion. There were meetings I swore off in the beginning that I've recently returned to and actually like. One in particular was tonights meeting, which is quickly becoming my favorite meeting of the week. It's amazing what progress we make in this program. P. S.- maybe hes resentful that you're taller than him haha- jk:)
I pray ever day that I never become a grouchy old man ( I have to work with a few), add the fact that it's cold and they are trying to fix something and you have super grouchy.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Wow Tasha, talk about showing some restraint. I would probably react much differently if that were me. The inevitable outcome, let's just say, would be far worse for him than you -or maybe not, who knows. I guess we all have a lot to learn after all. Onward.
Wow! Glad you found a way to get thru that without losing your cool. It is said, that alcoholics cannot afford resentments or anger...but sometimes I don't have a big enough throat to swallow it.
Either way, if it were me and I had said something in retort...later I would have felt bad for that too.
Bravo! What a test on patience and tolerance! I hope that I can keep myself composed if I ever encounter an experience like that. And good for you trying to get the disabled women to a seat so she wasn't injured!
I'm trying to think how I would act in the same circumstance. There is a good chance I would chew the person back out and tell them they needed to learn respect for human beings and that trumps respecting elders. I am wondering if he thought you were demanding to be let in and didn't even understand you were trying to allow the disabled woman in. I am betting this because older people sometimes do not hear well, see well and can misperceive things unintentionally.
On a separate but related note, someone cursed at me in a McDonald's parking lot a few weeks ago cuz they seemed to think I should move my car forward so they could get by while I thought I should not because that would make it seem like I was butting in the drive through line that was coming in from another direction. This progressed to them getting out of their car to scream at me. That is when I let loose and called the person every nasty name I could think of and they then spit on my car while I threatened to call the police. While I guess I am somewhat glad I stood up for myself, what was the result? It was not good. Arguing with insane and angry people usually does not have good results. Sigh. More progress needed.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Turning Grey - I got the air horn ap for my ipad yesterday. I'm all set now - thanks for the CONSTANT reminders as to how this program can really truly work in my life! ; )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I'm not Rob here BB, but I'd say we earned it ... LOL ... No, really, I just try to THINK young ... still a 'work-in-progress' ... I'll let you know how all that works out ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
