Just remembering my first Thanksgiving and Christmas sober. My sobriety date is October 1st so, by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I had just under 2 months sober. I recall being really immersed in AA and in the midsts of doing my 90 in 90. I had Thanksgiving with my sponsor at his house. There was also an alcathon at the local clubhouse and there were meetings running 24/7. I went to several meetings. I thought the holiday was going to be harder to stay sober. It was actually easier. There were addicts and alcoholics coming in off the streets to that alcathon to eat and wash up. I was grateful for what I had.
The illusion that alcohol made any holiday better was just that...an illusion. It was not until I'd been sober a full year that I started realizing and truly experiencing the true meaning of holidays. Yes, I knew that thanksgiving was about being grateful, that Christmas was about giving and receiving (not to mention the religious parts), new years was about taking my inventory and making new beginnings, easter about birth and a celebration of life, 4th of july about patriotism....etc... What is ironic is that, as an alcoholic, I really and truly though alcohol was an essential part of "celebrating" holidays. In reality, it took my focus off what normal people actual celebrate on holidays and it impaired my ability to be fully human. Go figure, when you get plastered every day, Thanksgiving and Christmas become another excuse to get plastered. In fact, it eventually became a pain in the butt to go to gatherings where I had to slow my drinking down til I got home. Sad.
So, for those of you who are going to experience your first sober holiday season, don't fear. It may be awkward, but it will be good. You will be able to experience the true meaning of the holiday whatever that is supposed to be for you. That's the best gift.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Great post PC, ... ... ... I just wanted to say that the holidays were much the same for me as you described so well above ... I always looked at the holidays as a time where I could 'over-do it' and not stand out so bad ... but no, I always seemed to make a 'scene' and ended up ruining it for everyone else ... the longer I extended my drinking career, the more depressing holidays became ... toward the end I drank not just to dull the pain of not being able to enjoy them, but rather avoid them, usually alone ... as I reflect on those times, I can definitely see how spiritually 'bankrupt' I'd become ...
I just want to say also to those going through the holidays sober for the first time, PC is right, it may be a little awkward, but it be much better that you can even remember them this time ... and for the joy of the experience and not the sadness ... Please don't let King Alcohol rob you of the meaning of the season ... help is only a 'mouse click' or a 'phone call' away ... use them ... !!!
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Oh man, pinkchip I was LITERALLY just thinking about this!! Im sitting here after just sending a text to my sister in law saying " I just don't know if I can be around my family in a house full of people drinking.. It's too soon for me. Please don't take it personal", and I popped over to MIPS to distract myself from feeling guilty haha. Yes, I'm looking forward to my first holiday season sober, but I've realized they will most likely be spent volunteering at a shelter between meetings. I'll watch some awesomely cheesy Christmas movies and wish I could handle my dysfunctional family who I have minimal contact with. But I don't have to force the " holiday cheer" this year by drinking way more than everyone else while trying to appear " normal". I'm not putting on my best shoes to stumble around in- honestly I can't really master heels SOBER lol. I'm fine with it, it's actually somewhat liberating. It feels a bit lonely, but I was always one of those people who when drinking, was loneliest surrounded by people yknow? Many years past I've avoided my family for the holidays by serving meals to the homeless or the poor.. This year I'm actually going to enjoy it. Really what's better than seeing some dude who's totally beaten down enjoy a decent meal, conversation, and a smile? To be treated like a human being for once? There's is no better way for me to spend a holiday.
Hi PC, my sobriety date is Oct 10. Although that first set of holidays was difficult, I'm lucky in that my family were my biggest supporters in my sobriety. They were the ones who got to enjoy me first hand being hammered and out of control at family gatherings. Even after all these years of being sober, and at my age, my mom and dad always come over and bring me a little gift on my sober anniversary with a card saying how proud they are of me. It makes me realize just how much I affected the people around me, even though I thought I was only hurting myself. Now I look forward to this time of year, and really enjoying spending quality time with the fam.
My 27 year old son,in his 4th year (with a couple set backs)from his 7 years of Heroin addiction and his girlfriend(alo 2 years in recovery) just got in from New York last night to spend 2 weeks with us through the Thanksgiving Holiday.We can both reflect back on our years(my decades) in active addiction where holidays came and went with us being absent either physically or mentally.Before our Thanksgiving dinner here at my crib we will go to find a place to serve some dinners to others and help out for awhile enhancing our own recoveries,feeling the joy of serving God(of our understanding,we both have Higher Powers of our own choosing)by serving others. I agree ,if this is your first holiday period in sobriety savor it ,trust in your Higher Power give and share love. If this will be another year free from active addiction(will be my 28th)continue to be blessed and living in the joyful solution of LIFE, a process WE work a day at a time ,guided by our Higher powers and application of our spiritual principles in all areas of our lives.This is definitely gonna be an even more special period for my wife and I with all our family here..The message truly is HOPE and the promise is freedom....................
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I could relate to the slowing down only to rush home and return to it. I didn't drink in public for 10 yrs, so being in public sucked... couldn't wait to get home to my hidden bottles : (
The day after Christmas is when I came to this message board for help, so you can imagine my holidays last year were quite stressful behind the fake smiles... as I was at the end of the game...
I appreciate this post - thanks for sharing your recovery : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I love how you touched on the meaning of the holidays. That's what I love, just being in the moments and soaking up what they mean. It's also very nice to remember it the next day as well. I spent many post holiday time trying to remember what I did while drinking the holiday away.
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
For an alcoholic mind such as the one I had, everything to do with life was a drinking occasion, especially holidays.
Happy to say that has been fixed now but your post reminded me of a time, coming soon, that many folks consider to be a massive trigger, Christmas! And yet I now find that this is the time of year I am most grateful to be sober.
Where once it was the time of my biggest disasters, where I did most to hurt those near and dear to me, I now find I can participate, enjoy, contribute, and genuinely just love being involved and sharing in the joy. So many wonderful things have come to me in sobriety, and Christmas just brings it all together.
