Well I just pulled this stunt (as Neophyte mentioned in another post entitled: It's never them, it's always me) with my hubby last night.
Big time resentments going on - or as we would call it in the olden days "not talking to that ass".
We are both capable of carrying on the silent treatment for infinity. We are highly talented in the area of stubbornness and have lots of practice reiterating the scenario Neo described forever. Well I for one am not enjoying this strange-to-me-now festering.
Living in a cesspool of pity, anguish and resentment really does take a lot of energy, I'm not used to it anymore... and I for one would like to drain the battery acid from my brain right about now, as I can't stand this! I'm calling him to apologize right now... even though of course, he just doesn't get it, and I have to step up once again an apologize first... wa wa wa. LOL
Why am I laughing???
Because I am so grateful for this opportunity! Because my HP has done this very thing any and every time I have not understood. Always loved me through it, always stood there with open arms waiting patiently and lovingly for me to come around year after year after year. Always being the bigger one, and never once was that rubbed in my face! In fact... this is the first time I realized this. So sheesh... talk about bring you to your knees! Gratefully, Tasha
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Tasha, I think you are experiencing significant change in that you have a program now and you also recognize that you need to maintain a certain spiritual connection or it puts you at risk. Resentments and anger are dangerous for us. In the end, it doesn't matter if I was the bigger person or not...or if it's always that way. It's that I'm a calm sober person.
"It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us." At times it kind of sucks to live in that axiom as other people clearly do not. Nonetheless, compared to the way we used to function, it's still a large improvement. Right?
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome to normal life ... We can't always agree with one another 100% of the time, else one of us wouldn't be necessary for a balanced relationship ... again we turn to 'tolerance and patience' as a way to absorb and try to see just where the other person is 'coming from' ... once we see where their 'reasoning' is coming from, then we are better able to rationally access the situation and move forward ... we must try to put ourselves in their shoes and walk their path to help us understand their actions ...
This doesn't mean they are always right, nor are we ... sometimes it will boil down to we must agree to disagree and just go forward from there ... 'right' or 'wrong', we sometimes have to let the other person continue to make their own mistakes because sometimes, there's no other way to learn ... that's called life ...
No Matter, we in the AA 'way of life' know that 'resentment' has no place in our journey else we be destroyed by it ... resentment can blind us and bring us to a halt on any further 'spiritual progress' ... we are told that when we are wrong, promptly admit it ... well, I think that when we are right but have a disagreement with others, we must promptly 'agree to disagree' in such instances so as to continue on without the resentment that causes all manner of destruction ...
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My wife is a "in your face New Yorker" you know where she is coming from most of the time, and I kind of like that. If my side of the street is messy I try to clear it up right away.
We still have the silent bouts every now and then, (when she is wrong) after thinking about it, I kind of use it as a time to re-charge the batteries and relax. I don't mind not engaging for awhile, maybe that's bad IDK(?)
I might break the ice and tell her I'm ready for her to make ammends....and after a little outburst she usually does
I presume every relationship is a little different....
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Tasha, this will be a relationship changer, as surely your husband will, in time, follow your example. I was 3.5 sober when I met my wife and we have never had an argument, in 20 years.
It is an amazing program indeed when an alcoholic can get married and never, in twenty years, have an argument! Dean, that is truly incredible. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I find myself sitting here stewing in my s*** about my own dysfunctional relationship. My significant other is not in recovery. He is a pothead and while pot was never an issue for me, I find it incredibly difficult to respect a man who can still tune out the reality of life on its own terms whenever he does not like the terms. Love and tolerance of others is our code and yet, in this situation, I find that the love on my end is seriously diminished and that tolerating his behavior which is frequently loud and obnoxoius, proves difficult at best.
Then it hits me, "What if he was a newcomer?" And then I am struck with a brainful (as well as a heartful) of all of the things I have read in the Big Book (especially Chapter 8) as well as so many solutions I have heard in the rooms. And I know the answer. What is the problem with me? When in doubt, calm down, and seek God. And that is what I am going to do...right after I hit a meeting.
Thanks all for the valuable reminders this thread has sparked off for me and for being a part of my recovery today.
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"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 84
An addict is WHAT I am but it does not define all of WHO I am.
I was talking about this sort of thing with my sponsor some while ago - he knocked it all down when he said 'do you have to be right or would you rather be happy?'
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
