"I hate [person]! and you know why? [names inconvenient action]! they do this all the time. I mean, all I did was [insert understated action] and they went a head and [fill in this blank]!"
and then I looked at myself after ranting and thought "this happens all the time to me. If you don't like how things are, change it. It's not them, it's me."
that's how my day went. These steps were not meant to be "once and done" it's a process, a cycle, a continuous learning experience.
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
*smiles* It's quite the journey, getting to know ourselves and our patterns. Like Maya Angelou says: when you know better, you do better. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
It's the Identifying our wring actions that's hard for me. The last thing a fish will notice is water. The last thing an alcoholic sees is their defects. So subtle yet so obvious.
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
I agree, Neo and a big nod to Rob as well. Before AA I couldn't see any defects in myself, it was always someone else who had the problem. The great thing about life now is I look in the mirror first. It's a habit that is both disconcerting and liberating. At least if I am the problem, I can do something about it. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Whoever said recovery would be easy. We're still a work in progress even after many years sober, and that's the beauty behind step 6.
It talks about spiritual growth, healing and constant reflection, and to be 'entirely ready' so God can remove all our defects of character. But it doesn't happen overnight.
That's why step 6 is so important. It helps pave the way for future successes, so the road ahead doesn't cause us any regrets. Step 6 is the beginning of a lifelong process that involves change; a change that occurs over time.
We're not creating a perfect model of ourselves, either; just a set of 'ideals' we can strive for daily. So keep trudging that road ahead Neo; you're still headed in the right direction -imperfect as that may be.
I have the tendency to place any and all blame on myself. I go through this tortuous algorithm slightly different than your own in which all difficult situations are due to me. Still so egocentric.
I don't know why, but this thread reminded me of something my sponsor told me when I 1st walked thru the doors of AA ...
He told me ... I know what your problem is ... I said okay, what is it ... He said it's your 'thinking' ... I said what about my 'thinking' ... H said it's wrong ... I said how much of it's wrong ? ... He said WE usually always start with 'all of it' ...
I said you put a sign up there on the wall that sez, "Think, Think, Think" ... He said THAT'S for us ... for now you just need to take the cotton out of your ears and stuff it in your mouth ... I thought that's a fine 'how-do-you-do' (Howdy!)(southern style) ...
So there ya go, the problem was ME and my thinking ... go figure!!!
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
*giggle* Been there, done that. Something about fingers and which way they are pointed. Practice, practice, practice...days like that are all just good practice. At least we have a solution...a process to help us find that solution...and we have each other to check our thinking.
Great post and replies. Yes, it certainly is a journey. I forget that sometimes. I often have to remind myself, I only have today- a reprieve from Alcoholism based on the maintenance of my Spiritual condition. That doesn't mean I'm going to be perfect. I will always have a human element as part of being human. The difference today is I have enough humility to be aware, admit and take action on my short-comings. To promptly admit when I'm wrong. Thanks to my HP and The 12 Steps of AA. Without it, more of the same. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
I've learned here to drop the microscope and pick up the mirror. That's where the problem lies. I hate that- sometimes.
Mike- I was driving past a church one day and their sign sai "love doesn't look through a microscope, it looks through a telescope". I found that statement to be just as profound as your mirror comment. Also, pica, one finger to you three to me. Sometimes I swaer I could just say "today, I participated in AA, fml" and other days I feel like "today, I participated in AA, FTW!" it's all about perspective. Love you guys.
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
I couldn't help but laugh when I read this post, Neo. I have this exact interaction in my head multiple times a day ( especially at work). I used to have these conversations with anyone who was willing to listen, but I've learned that it's usually best to keep my mouth shut for a minute to realize that gossip is not only mean spirited, but pointless. And it is my issue, not the person I'm bitching about. For me, the practice of not saying anything, throwing in a silent serenity prayer, and realizing that the only person I can change is myself and the way I perceive or interpret things. It's amazing the difference in my outlook on others and the world around me once I really got this concept. Im so much less angry. You are right in saying that it's a continuous, daily process. I'm constantly reminding myself to see my part in things and altering my behavior and approach to others. Thanks for posting:)
Well I just pulled this stunt (as Neophyte mentioned in another post entitled: It's never them, it's always me) with my hubby last night.
Big time resentments going on - or as we would call it in the olden days "not talking to that a s s".
And we are both capable of carrying on the silent treatment for infinity. We are highly talented at that, and have lots of practice reiterating the scenario Neo described above forever more. Well I for one am not enjoying this strange-to-me-now festering.
Living in a cesspool of pity, anguish and resentment really does take a lot of energy, I'm not used to it anymore... and I for one would like to drain the battery acid from my brain right about now, as I can't stand this anymore! I'm calling him to apologize... even though of course, he just doesn't get it, and I have to step up once again an apologize first... wa wa wa. LOL
And yes, I am so grateful for this opportunity. Because my HP has done this very thing any and every time I have not understood. Always loved me through it, always stood there with open arms waiting patiently and lovingly for me to come around year after year after year. Always being the bigger one, and never once was that rubbed in my face. In fact... this is the first time I realized this. So sheesh... talk about bring you to your knees! What a guy
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I hate that- sometimes. 