Home is my favorite hippie mint and rosemary soap washing off a day of trouble. It's two children pushing two lovers to opposite sides of sleepy oblivion at 3 a.m. only to rustle us awake in a few short hours. I watch as they bend heads together like flowers drooping in the autumn sun, finding it - their delight. Their voices cascade like a waterfall, one after another until we all spill in the morning hustle.
Home is imperfect and perfect all at once, and in my journey of this 24 hours, I've been given a new gift of understanding. After the lifetime's accumulation of thoughts and actions, I was given the eyes to see it finally: My pride.
I associate it with being proud up to now. Today is the day I get to see it more clearly. Today it finally breaks through, all that you've said is finally being heard. My pride has been holding onto the idea that it is all about me, that it should all go the way I want, that they should all behave the way I desire, and the circumstances of my life have all been wrong... and that somehow, I think It should be perfect for me.
Who do I think I am to have such perfection awarded to me on this earth?? Why do I think it's suppose to be all about me? Why do I think I get to be queen of the world? Because of my pride.
Dear God, Please remove all these defects of character from me.
It's only now that I see my home for the beatiful riches it has. When He removes my pride, I can love the imperfections and accept it the way it is. I can see the children's true loving nature. I can hear the little giggles beyond the gushes of the rest of it. I can breath in the smell of the shirts in need of laundering, our famalies mix of sweet smells on the sheets - and not run to the washer - but just breath deeply in pleasure that I'm home, with my family in my warm messy bed.
When my heart knows I do not deserve any of this - I am free.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Morning Tasha, ... What a beautiful way to start the day ... deep in reflective thought and in gratitude ...
I know you've seen this somewhere before : "Today ... I'm better than I deserve." .... it's part of what I call, 'coming home' ... coming the the realization that life is what I make it, not due to circumstances nor coincidences ...
Have a beautiful day, Love Ya, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Ah yes, pride.... I have never had a shortage of it, and until I came to AA, I always thought it was a good thing. Like you, I am coming to realize that my pride and my search for perfection actually hold me back, prevent me from seeing what I could see, enjoying what is right in front of me for what it is. At this moment. Today, right now. After living in pride and ego for so many years, it takes a while to learn to let them go. A fellow member of my homegroup just shared on being perfect last week, and what she said really struck me. She said that she is trying to let go of trying to have to be perfect and have perfection in everything in her life, and she is glad. She said trying to be and have perfection all the time is so exhausting and takes so much effort. Huh.....I could really relate to that. In that letting go, we allow ourselves the moments to hear the giggles and smell the scent of the family on the bedsheets. The laundry will always be there, waiting. The children grow up, and the giggles fade. So enjoy them, every last bit. You deserve it, and so do they. ((((hugs)))) & Peace
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
