I went to a meeting I used to go to more frequently as a newcomer and one of my old timer friends remarked how nice it was to see the changes in me. More specifically, he stated that it sounded like I got everything I wanted. I got a better job, a loving partner, I finished the schooling I needed, am about to get licensed in my field, I got in shape, I quit smoking... Of all the things that were said that night, that stuck with me. How often in life do you hear "you got everything you wanted?" Sounds like a kid on Christmas. It's true though. I did get everything wanted at the start of this. Most importantly, still sober. The guys with 2 and 3 years started saying they felt hopeful seeing me in that, while they were content in their sobriety, they wanted to start getting some things back and I was giving them hope that it could happen. This was anniversary night by the way and I was the only person having an anniversary. It's a small meeting and ordinarily the meetings are not all about me lol.
Anyhow, it was strange. I didn't know that's how I was coming across. I really did go after a lot of things. Am I satisfied and grateful? Heck yeah. Do I now just want different stuff? Um (sadly) I think so. Is it normal to get what you wanted in life and then just want different stuff? I guess it's a good thing cuz I am no longer afraid to dream. I like to think it's not that I'm greedy. I'm ambitious now when I had zero motivation, zero belief in self, and few aspirations before.
This is also scary because when you realize you got a lot of things you wanted, you also realize you could lose all those things in a flash. #1. I will lose it all if I drink. #2. I'm not immune to tragedy, sickness, and death so everything is fleeting.
These are strange thoughts for me cuz I really didn't care if I lived or died for the longest time. I hope none of this comes across conceited or bragging but it does blow my mind how I went from a stumbling drunk mess with problems in all areas to a normal and nice life. I used to get kinda resentful and thought it was a little hokey when folks said their lives were now "beyond their wildest dreams."
All I really wanted was to stop drinking and stop hurting so much. I got so much more.
Maybe this post is timely. It is gratitude month after all.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Nope, not conceited. I think you're saying it for everyone else - and those who are walking a spiritual path can easily see that. Let the others be jealous and think you're conceited for now. They will secretly still want what you've got... or at least that is MY experience...hehe. If it motivates them to stick around until they "get it", that's still just fine right? Some days I have been here just on pure bad motives and stubbornness lol!
I'm so happy for you, and you are truly inspiring - and as you know, I kinda ride around in the "Mark's groupie van", but it's mostly because you have gone the extra mile for me, I see you do it for others and I admire people who give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't really think you're all that great otherwise lol - j/k
You just happen to also be brilliant and caring and grounded, and sometimes I wonder how you maintain it, and then the sun comes up again, and I am shown why/how. That's what I truly admire in all of you with a lot of sobriety, (yes I know you do not think it's a long time, but it is to me) that the gratitude and love never burns out - it grows and changes and morphs, but it doesn't fizzle away. If I couldn't see that in you, I wouldn't have hope or desire to continue on, especially when things get rough. I see things getting better and better for you - and when I don't believe they will for me, I juuuuummmmmpppp and that leap of faith has always had a beautiful soft landing : ) Of course you should continue to make goals, have new wants and desires, new loves, new excitement for what's in store in this life... that is why we're here isn't it?
Thanks for the post : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Anyhow, it was strange. I didn't know that's how I was coming across. I really did go after a lot of things. Am I satisfied and grateful? Heck yeah. Do I now just want different stuff? Um (sadly) I think so. Is it normal to get what you wanted in life and then just want different stuff? I guess it's a good thing cuz I am no longer afraid to dream. I like to think it's not that I'm greedy. I'm ambitious now when I had zero motivation, zero belief in self, and few aspirations before.
This is also scary because when you realize you got a lot of things you wanted, you also realize you could lose all those things in a flash. #1. I will lose it all if I drink. #2. I'm not immune to tragedy, sickness, and death so everything is fleeting.
Good post Mark, and timely ... as it says on pg. 84 of the BB :Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
When we work the program we do have economic stability return to us ... that is, we are provided what we need, not always what we'd like to have ... I think it is healthy to strive for better stuff but let's keep in mind we should strive first for 'spiritual peace' ... the peace and serenity that are mentioned in the promises ... this program has granted me the biggest prize of all, Love ... beyond that, all that material stuff is just that, stuff ... don't get me wrong, I have a lot of stuff, but my prized posession today is Love ... With Love, I have everything I need to be happy in this life and supremely happen in the next ...
Love Ya man and God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
You be grateful and we'll be proud! Sounds like you know what you want and you are doing everything to get it. Bravo! Like sobriety, we had to first want it! I know for me I have to first want it and if I want it badly enough, I will go to any lengths to get it and keep it. One day at a time...follow the process! And just don't forget the original...don't drink!
Thanks Mark! I also am truly grateful for each day my eyes are opened and I have another opportunity to be of maximum service to my Higher Power and others.Feeling the grace and mercy of God and the overwhelming joy that comes from working to be all our Higher Power intends us to be is in itself sobering.I can feel you brother.Have a blessed and productive day.
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I love this post! I feel so many of those same feelings. I just wanted to stop being sick from the boozing, both physically and mentally, and in return life has just expanded into this wonderful playground of joy. I got a better job, my marriage improved, I am living a healthy lifestyle that includes good nutrition and exercise, I enjoy being around people more...the list goes on and on and on. I thank God every day for the miracles in my life and for the willingness to keep on the right path. I know now, deep in my heart, what it feels like to be blessed. From what you wrote here, I think you do as well. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Congrats Mark. "I hope you got everything you wanted" sounds more like a cliche than an understatement, yet so undeniably true. I've been given a life that very few can ever fathom and for that I'm extremely grateful. I hope the same can be said of you. Onward
