Well I am new here so this is my first post. What brought me here is that my drinking is starting to make me feel guilty. I thought I could moderate it, drink only a couple but I find that when I am very depressed, that is my optimal drinking time, and I usually binge drink. I need help but have been in denial.
Glad you found MIP ... we're a close knit group of people helping each other with recovery from excessive drinking ... Most all of us have found the solution to our drinking problems through membership with AA ... and it's a wonderful life that's almost impossible to believe or describe ...
If you want what we have, then continue to post your thoughts and concerns here and we'll try to guide you in the right direction ... you sound just like all the rest of us when explaining the reason you're here now, we needed help ...
When I first tried to quit or 'moderate', I found that I couldn't ... when depressed, I drank more and became more depressed ... that's what alcohol does ... I had to break the 'ball and chain' keeping me in slavery ... I didn't WANT to go to AA in the beginning, but kept going to meetings until my obsession was gone ... now I love going to the meetings because we can help others struggling with the same problems that we went through ...
Get to an AA meeting as soon as you possibly can and just sit and listen if you like ... there's no requirement to share your feelings ... just listen and try to hear what you can identify with, not the differences ... good luck ... we're here for you!!!
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Welcome - getting really honest about this is tough, you're off to a great start though. We sometimes have to dig really deep in order to find the truth buried beneath the lies we even believe! Well - I did anyway - still digging actually : )
So glad you're here, this was a great place for me to start asking questions and sharing. I had to go to live meetings too - the internet wasn't something I could rely on but is a huge part of my recovery work and connections with wise recovering people.
Glad you're here - keep coming back : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
My last big bender(it lasted about 18 months) came after a dry spell of about 4 months. Part of that was in the nut farm, the rest on my own, without help. I didn't do AA or anything spiritual, just tried to get on with life. The last month I alwost lost the will to live, I couldn't get out of bed, there was no joy in my life, I was spiritless. I returned to my old solution - the booze, to make me feel better. But Im an alcoholic, I can never drink safely. I was dying of a progressive illness and matters just got worse. Inspite of that knowledge I had this inability to stop and stay stopped.
To those that tried to help I always had some kind of explanation of why I drank, loneliness, no job, too much work, celebrating, happy, sad, but the real truth was I drank the way I did because I was suffering from alcoholism and nothing anybody did or I tried seemed to make any difference. I found the answer in the AA program. It seems from the doctor's opinion that unless I could experience and entire psychic change (change of personality) there was very little hope of my recovery. AA calls this change a spiritual awakening and it is a simple process to accomplish. We attend meetings and we find a sponsor who has taken the steps and has had one of these awakenings, and we ask them to show us how its is done. All we have to bring to the table is honesty, openmindedness and willingness.
What happens to the booze problem. The book explains it best with the 10 step promises:
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. Wereact sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
Welcome to MIP 1st Step ADMISSION,,realizing there is unmanageability in your life..WE can truly identify, and are here to share our ESH(experience,strength and hope)and how WE arrested our drinking a day at a time .Stick around ,we need you......
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
And welcome to M.I.P. How would I describe my relationship with alcohol? Futile at best. It was a harsh reality for me to accept, yet so true to its form. The concept of 'deniability' seemed simple enough also, but for me simplicity didn't really matter. I still drank, regardless. I wanted to stop drinking, but my lack of willpower proved me wrong time and time again. So what was I to do?
I could accept my fate as destiny and spend the remainder of my days sulking in defeat, or I could give recovery one last chance. So my sober journey began like it did a hundred times before, on the edge of uncertainty. But this time I had an advantage, a sober advantage that proved invaluable this time around. And then came my moment, a moment that as others have described as precious and wonderful, illuminating my path like never before. That's when I knew recovery was still possible. And so ended my tale of woe. I only hope it has a happy ending just for you.
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 7th of November 2012 02:50:07 AM
Welcome to MIP! This site doesn't replace going to meetings and working the steps with a sponsor but it does complement the AA program in a positive, caring, supportive way. All the very best to you. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
My husband said going to open speaker meetings with me is helpful. He personally thought that was more helpful than alanon because it gave him some insight as to how it was a disease vs. the experience he had (from his ONE alanon meeting), which was the feeling that everyone was there to bi**h. (His words mind you - one guys experience in a room full of only woman - so remember that part :)
I don't know if I would agree with him, and I know that for him to be in Alanon and do the steps would be a blessing *BUT* anything he *is willing* to do is going to work better than anything he doesn't do at all LOL - so I just leave the ball in his court, and contine being the best I can be. He does bounce off that well, and today, that's where we are suppose to be.
And who doesn't like hanging out with a healthy - happy - joyous and free spirited person? That's all I can control... I can't control him.
(((hugs)))
Tasha
-- Edited by justadrunk on Tuesday 6th of November 2012 09:04:12 AM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Mr. Flynn Sprit pretty much sums up recovery in his post, there is a solution if you wish to seek it.
Pg 30
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Thank you so much everybody. This has been a struggle for so long. I have told myself one lie after another, now that I am out of my unhappy situation, I won't have to drink to drown out the pain. And I can control what I drink, and obviously I can't. At one time I had a sponsor but she bailed before my 4th step a a few years ago, and I just quit. I try not to quit but honestly my moods fluctuate a lot, and my mind is like a chaotic playground...I am not only an alcoholic but bipolar as well. I am looking into finding a local group to start again...Very afraid though, as much as I would like to say I don't quit anything, I have quit meetings before....Because somewhere in my warped brain, I am different, but I am not different....Last night I wanted to drink so bad but thankfully I didn't. I was strong last night....I said No. I know its not much but for me its a step in the right direction....
Thank you for the support, I feel better than I have. Now I have another question? How do I talk to my boyfriend about all this because he doesn't see a drinking problem, but he didn't know me in my hard core drinking days...He is not much of a drinker so for him to give it up would be no big deal but what do I do?
1st of all get back to your meetings and work the program ... it works if you work it ... and remember, the mind is like a 'parachute', it only works if it is 'open' ...
Your 'boyfriend' ? ... I suggest 'total honesty' ... we really want to avoid creating unrealistic expectations from anyone ... He should be aware of your struggles so as to offer support for you ... and that can come in many ways ...
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
