I was shopping Home Depot the other day and bumped into my cousin who has been missing for a year and a half. She was working for Home Depot when she disappeared and then she was gone. She is a mysteriously discovered relative from my natural family on the natural father's side. This is one of the alcoholic sides (one of two) and his father my grandfather died drunk on this island in 1936. So fast forward 76 years and my cousin is telling me she disappeared to Alaska...wow from Hawaii to Alaska...so "fill me in" I asked and guess what...she's back home alone and her partner is still up there serving out a DUI charge and sentencing. Surprised ? not in the least...it's my family and my family is still doing what they have done for generations. We spoke for a while and I let her know what I know and offered her support. Of course her life is running with Merry-go-round music in the back ground and I am compassionate. She is doing and has done and is saying and has said all of the things we have done...all of them (brought back memories) and I have put myself ready to share the program with her without taking over her life...I don't take over anymore...isn't that different. Anyhow the information on our history has been swapped including that there is help available. Let's see what HP has in mind eh?
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Of course I mentioned also that if and when he gets back home I am open to talking with him if he wants to get sober.
Grateful beyond words. ((((hugs))))
I posted this on the Al-Anon board also because -I thought- (sponsor said when I said that if I listen real close I could hear God laugh) it would be supportive and then it fits here also. I'm not living too far from where my never got to meet Grandfather died in our disease.
Sounds like my family. As many of you told me in the beginning, I have to want it. They have to want it for themselves. Good for you pointing out the unknown obvious to them. I hope thy take you up on it.
Thanks for the walk Jerry.One aspect of our spiritual awakening comes thru that understanding we gain of our Higher Power that we continually develop by sharing in anothers recovery.(or even thoughts of) We really do become visions of hope, we do become examples that the program works and that our joy in living free and in sobriety is an attraction to those who still suffer although it may not seem evident at the moment. I believe ,through Gods(of your understanding)grace and mercy you are that vision of Hope and each day WE have opportunites to carry our message even if it is in silence........Peace my brother!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
My brother is a researcher in this area and would agree with you in that it is 50/50 - Genes/environment. Now I'm reading about mothers who drink/smoke while pregnant birthing children with 2x the receptors for serotonin, and babies actually going through a depression after birth while coming off their drug. The love for the fix will always be overly prevalent as they have twice the receptors for it : (
Of course - take from this only that maybe you shall do your own research and make your own decision as to what the solution ought to be Today.
I know that my mother drank and smoked while I was being created perfectly as I am suppose to be : ) I absolutely love my Mother for giving me this chance at a spiritual life I know I would have not otherwise experienced.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Tuesday 6th of November 2012 09:22:31 AM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
As I read this you brought to mind another realization that was forgotten when I made the post late Sat./early Sun. entitled "What I Have Learned".
In that post I stated that I am grieving the death of my ex.AH that I loved with all my heart even tho' there was a divorce. A summary of all that was gone through from the vantage point of someone who loved deeply an addicted. I praised AA members here for all their wisdom, insight, and making me gradually realize, ultimately taking steps necessary, to journey on......for my own well being..... My mind has so consumed with both my own personal loss (grief) as well as how to best help our three children through it. They all three loved their daddy so much!!!!!
Since then I've tried to keep my emotions in check and be strong for our kids. I've shed few tears in front of them. It is when I'm alone the flood gates open thus leading me back here to regarner the strength needed to get through the wake/funeral services today/tomorrow and beyond.
Memories, both good and bad, have ran rampart. One of which, is fact in my case and until I read your post had buried. Ex.AH family also has a history. An uncle, a nephew, and a brother. And there seems to be a vague recall of being told the paternal grandfather had been a big whiskey drinker. All these men fighting with the disease, all wreaking havoc on their families. The nephew committing suicide. The brother there will always be a question about suicide versuses alcohol poisoning. Only one of three eventually sought help, salvage his marriage and remained sober until his death from a heart attack. And literally the pain so overwelmed exAH with each of these mens deaths. His brother's being the most prevalent, because exAH felt responsible for not doing 'something' to stop the drinking which took his life at 35.......thus leading to my exAH's own heavy drinking that effected our marriage to the point bags were packed. I had no clue what was going on internally because he refused to share those feelings. One of two surviving sisters, boasts at times that no one will take her cigarettes and beer from her as they are they few pleasures she enjoys in life. She has alienated the other sister from her life. She contends the other and only sober child of this family is a goody two shoes. I am still fairly close to the sister who drinks yet have remained silent in pleas about her problem because I know it HAS to be her choice accept and seek help.
There is strong evidence that states alcoholism in families is due to genes. In other studies, it is seems to be a 'by example' that one generation seems to teach the next. And yet in others the pain inflicted by a former generation, whether emotional or physically, becomes so overwelming that the next wants to 'kill it' thus finding their solace via his/her own abuse of alcohol. Anyone of the three in my opinion has validity.
All I do know is that it (alcoholism) for fact was never a 'need it, want it, or a have to have it' for me. AND in my wildest dreams did I ever ever think I would have to experience it's effect so up close and personal!!!!
(To ex.AH....with every breathe of my being...."in sickness and in health, for better or worse".......I WILL always love you!!!)
The dynamics of the alcoholic family, oh mercy! I used to hate my dysfunctional family and today I can find the fun in them. Just don't ever ask me to explain them...lol!
I used to try to fix them...then I had to go to another 12 step group! Now I wait for them to ask and I do what I was taught...to share ESH and to ask someone else along for the ride. And sometimes I have to play the oldtimer and just sit on the back wall and grin and listen :) There is much joy in my family today because AA and AA have taught me a simpler path! Attraction rather than promotion.
-- Edited by Picaposie on Saturday 10th of November 2012 10:04:06 AM
