This is a re-post from much earlier ... I thought it was great ... the second time too!!!
Funny Air Traffic Controllers Quotes
Tower: Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 oclock, 6 miles! Delta 351: Give us another hint! We have digital watches!
TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees. Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here? Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: Im fing bored! Ground Traffic Control: Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately! Unknown aircraft: I said I was fing bored, not fing stupid!
Control tower to a 747: United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one oclock, three miles, Eastbound. United 239: Approach, Ive always wanted to say this Ive got the little Fokker in sight.
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.
A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running a bit peaked. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. Ah, the fighter pilot remarked, The dreaded seven-engine approach.
Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): Ground, what is our start clearance time? Ground (in English): If you want an answer you must speak in English. Lufthansa (in English): I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English? Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): Because you lost the bloody war.
Tower: Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7 Eastern 702: Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway. Tower: Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702? Continental 635: Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern weve already notified our caterers.
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself? The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and Ill have enough for another one.
Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know ones gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway. Ground: Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven. The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: Speedbird, do you not know where you are going? Speedbird 206: Stand by, Ground, Im looking up our gate location now. Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before? Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, twice in 1944, but it was the middle of the night, and we didnt land.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
The passenger's son was having a bladder emergency and the pilot requested a straight in landing to the first highspeed and permission to stop and discharge the child to the ground so that he could urinate. "copy approach N4407X to a straight in and direct stop on highspeed alpha". "Roger 4407X and we suggest the child face away from the prop wash"? "Suggestion noted and father and child will walk cross the taxiway and toward fight services". The event gave a new meaning to "pissing into the wind". Loved the humor Pappy.
LMFAO. "Lufthansa (in German): Ground, what is our start clearance time? Ground (in English): If you want an answer you must speak in English. Lufthansa (in English): I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English? Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): Because you lost the bloody war."
__________________
In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Pink Bread.............while still chuckling away at the concept of a beautiful british accent - I cut some bread for lunch. It was a crusty loaf and a sharp knife, so sharp that when it bounced off the crust and sliced my finger, I didn't notice until I saw the pink spots on the bread - yuk.
The yes, we've been here twice but it was dark and we didn't land reminds me of my Dad. He fell ill in france with a severe kidney infection which needed emergency treatment and medical repatriation.
Well there's my dad in a big French hospital, just about to get a massive injection of make you better stuff when the doctor paused and asked my brother (who was with dad at the time) for sight of the patients E111 card (A medical insurance card)
E111 says Dad, you never asked for that the last time.
Oh, says the doctor, you have been treated in France before, but we have no record for you. what was the reason and when was it.
Spring 1945, I got my right arse cheek sewn back on. You didn't ask for an E111 then and you're not getting one now.
__________________
It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
