Self-forgiving is: Accepting yourself as a human who has faults and makes mistakes. Letting go of self anger for your past failures, errors, and mistakes. No longer needing penance, sorrow, and regret over a grievous, self-inflicted, personal offense. The act of self love after you have admitted your failure, mistake, or misdeed. The spiritual self healing of your heart by calming self rejection, quieting the sense of failure, and lightening the burden of guilt. The act of letting go of the need to work so hard to make up for your past offenses.
Negative consequences of the absence of self-forgiveness
In the absence of self forgiveness, you run the risk of: Unresolved hurt, pain, and suffering from self-destructive behaviors. Unresolved guilt and remorse for self-inflicted offenses. Chronically seeking revenge and paybacks toward yourself. Being caught up in unresolved self anger, self hatred and self blaming. Defensive and distant behavior with others. Pessimism, negativity, and non-growth oriented behavior. Having a festering wound that never allows the revitalization of self healing. Fear over making new mistakes or of having the old mistakes revealed. Being overwhelmed by fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of non approval, low self-esteem, and low self worth.
Signs of the absence of self-forgiveness
Lack of self forgiveness can result in: A loss of love for yourself. Indifference toward yourself and your needs. An emotional vacuum in which little or no emotions are shown or shared. Chronic attacks or angry outbursts against self. Disrespectful treatment of self. Self-destructive behaviors. Self-pitying. Chronic recalling and reminding of past failures, mistakes, errors, and offenses.Suspicions about others' motives, behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs when they are accepting of you. Chronic depression. Chronic hostility, sarcasm, and cynicism. Self name calling, belittling, and self demeaning behaviors. Unwillingness to change and/or unwillingness to seek the help necessary to change.Resistance to doing what is necessary to heal within and recover from low self-esteem.
Irrational thinking preventing self-forgivenessI hurt myself so much; how can I ever expect to be forgiven for that? No one deserved the treatment I dished out, and I do not believe that forgiveness is deserved in this situation. I am sick over what I did; how can I ever forgive myself? I must be inherently evil, and I am despicable. No forgiveness will ever change that. I am vicious and cruel, and I always need to be on guard because of that; so why try to forgive what I have done? It is a sign of weakness or softness to forgive myself. I must always keep my guard up so as never to repeat my wrongdoings. There are some things I can never forgive myself for. Only God can forgive me, though at times I don't believe He can for what I have done.What has happened in my life is God's seeking revenge for all the evil I have done in the past. I have done too much for which I can never be forgiven. I am just seeking my forgiveness so that I can come back and hurt myself again. I do not deserve any self kindness, self compassion, or self forgiveness for what I have done to myself or others; I'll see to it that I am never able to forget it! All people who do wrong deserve the worst that life has to dish out. I resent myself for hurting myself or others. It is better for me to be hidden behind my wall so I don't hurt anybody again. If I could treat myself or others that way, then I am undeserving of being forgiven, loved, or cared for.
New behaviors needed to create self-forgiveness
In order to forgive yourself you need to practice: Letting go of past hurt and pain. Trusting in your goodness. Trusting in the goodness and mercy of your Higher Power to take over the burden for you. Letting go and letting your Higher Power lead you during a hurtful time. Believing in the infinite justice and wisdom of your Higher Power. Letting go of fears for the future. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to growth. Taking a risk. Letting go of self hostility, resentment and self-destructive behaviors. Working out your self anger. Overlooking slight relapses or steps backward and getting back on the wagon of recovery immediately. Developing a personal spirituality. Developing an openness to the belief that you can change. Developing trust in yourself. Open, honest, and assertive communication with yourself concerning hurts, pains, and offenses experienced. Identifying and replacing the irrational beliefs that block your ability to forgive yourself.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
I Really enjoyed what you had to say about Self Forgiveness - a lot of food for thought, i have been a friend of Bills for over 15 years, now and it took over ten years of being in and out and in and out of the program, and it was due to the horrible secrets that I was going to take to my grave, before telling anyone, well that kept me away from doing what I need to do,
and it is in the miracle of the four and fifth step, that I found such a release of toxic, buried old stuff that had to come up and be faced head on. i can remember how scary it was to tell all my secrets, they were not pretty, but I survived, and finally went forward with the remaining steps.
i do some backsliding, which i am doing now these days, and what you had to say about self forgiveness, was really beautifully written, and so very wise, I am going to copy it and save it, and review it every morning. THANK YOU SO MUCH for putting that from you heart into written form, I will always rememeber it. Thanks. Toni
Very well put. I can put it together and create a description of myself.Chronically seeking revenge and paybacks toward yourself. Being caught up in unresolved self anger, self hatred and self blaming. Defensive and distant behavior with others. Pessimism, negativity, and non-growth oriented behavior. Fear over making new mistakes or of having the old mistakes revealed. Being overwhelmed by fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of non approval. Chronic recalling and reminding of past failures, mistakes, errors, and offenses. Suspicions about others' motives, behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs when they are accepting of you. I must always keep my guard up so as never to repeat my wrongdoings. There are some things I can never forgive myself for. I resent myself for hurting myself or others. It is better for me to be hidden behind my wall so I don't hurt anybody again.
This pretty well sums it up for me - I guess there is alot to work on. I don't know why I did this but I felt I just needed to.
Thanks so much - Jeannie
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
