Twenty some odd years ago I was attending a usual Sunday 11 AM meeting of AA, a regular meeting at Indian Rocks Beach, Fl. There was a then young lady there, fairly new in the program, maybe a year, who told me that she always enjoyed listening to me because of the high minded remarks that I made at the meetings. This one particular Sunday as I began to cross the street. She began to pass me by in her car. She stopped remarking, her rather educated observance, as I now look upon it, that I didnt look so good , that I appeared rather downI said that my father was dying, he had only days to live, I was taking care of him.. Very coldly she looked me in the eye, and said dont complain and dont criticize. In spite of the fact that she was a gifted RN and married to a Medical Doctor, I thought it was a rather cold response, certainly not soothing or supportive as One would generally expect... As I look back on it it was probably the most spiritual remark that I ever heard under the arches of AA.It suggested Implicit Trust in God..
To Trust in God is the key to dealing with Fear and eliminate Anger.. In the 11th step where it says Knowledge of His Will For Us is where we begin to TrustIt doesnt happen overnightits a continued processand as I recently been made personally aware, often we are tested.. trial under fire so to speakbut I dont think it particularly necessary if one diligently applies oneself and really works at it. Many old timer will tell you 10th 11th and 12th steps, and I concur, are the daily maintenance to sobriety and good living.
If we perceive that we have been wronged.. Make the case honestly with the facts known, then turn the results over to God.. Trust in Gods ability to ultimately adjust the situation.. Dont criticize and dont complain.. you will make matters worse and wind up hurting only yourselfResentment comes from the Latin word resensare.. which means to relive.. i.e. to relive the perceived wrong.. This you can avoid as you have learned by changing your thoughts.. thus avoiding the sting of holding on to a resentmentBy Trusting in God, He becomes your agent to handling the fear and the associated anger derived from our thoughts and actionsWe learn and hear it time over and over in the program, God will give you no more than you can handle.. So Ive found, just focus on the things that need to be done.. Take thoughtful action.. apply the 12th step and focus on your God given instincts and do your bestThe more you learn to Trust in God the more effective you become, Trust not acceptance will eliminate anger.. Trust is to act with Faith.. acceptance is the result of the former mostly in a passive sense.
I recently spent 33 miserable days and nights at sea in the middle of the Pacific Ocean ALONE. On my sailboat. A voyage that should have taken me less than two weeks went wrong.. My only outTrusting in God.. particularly when things got really badWhat I found was God did not give me any more than I could handle and I eventually made it unaided excepted for the hidden hands that were miraculously aiding me and kept me from serious injury and instant death at times. If one looks up the word Trust in the dictionary one will meet with the word confidence.. Confidence again is a Latin derivative from Con Fideiluswith Faith.. I was a professional seaman for many years.. I possessed through experience, confidence and honesty with myself.. and confidence and trust in the Grace of Godat one critical point I said .If I was to die Thy will be doneat that point the answer came back.. lets see what you can do sailor.. everythings OK.. 4 days later I made it visibly unaided with a new perspective in Trusting Godmore remarkably un hurt, my boat got so banged around the hull paint came off from wave action. not to mention the other problems that I was forced to deal with under, at times, terrible conditions.
Facetiously, I like to now say, Im too busy to get angry, I will let God handle it. similarly to a business operation where others were hired to handle routine tasks. .The more I Trust God, the more I distance myself from Fear and Hurt, the more time I have to simply smell the roses.
Oh wow - I just read your other post, and thought to myself how this post was missing, although I figured it just wasn't pulled outta your hat yet. But here it is. Thanks so much! You've helped me believe today : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I read this article a while back... in the uphill battle of my alcohol addiction... trying different things here and there, as if one finger could allow me to play all eight keys on the piano at once sorta thinking... and one of them was to not complain for 7 days. You had to put a rubber band on your wrist, and every time you complained, you had to switch it to the other wrist and start your 7 days over. At the time... it was impossible for me.
It still is today, I'm no where near perfect... but I don't give in to things like small talk about the weather anymore... about how it could be just a bit different this way or that. People sure love to tell you how they wish it was around here, I don't know if it's because I live in Wisconsin, and we're all always feeling sorry for ourselves... but I don't give a hoot anymore! I always answer with - it's a beautiful day, just perfect! People stare at me funny on the benches outside the AA Club when the icy sleet is beating my head as I say it, or we can barely see each other through the fog, and I don't bother to explain my stance or give into listening to how they would like it to be different. I usually just say it's an amazing day... and keep on my path into the rooms. I'm grateful for all of it, especially the reminder they give me every day that I have my HP's hand in mine through all of it, every moment, even the small talk moments become walk the talk moments.
Thanks for the post - thanks for helping me care for my gift of sobriety today : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Of course we are taught anger is a normal and healthy emotion, but what we do with it is a different story. I guess I will never stop getting angry, but I can shorten the intervals considerably :) Thanks for the posts Tomas. Excelling insights and certainly thought provoking.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
In the 11th step where it says Knowledge of His Will
Thanks for sharing Tomas. Where I got sober, I used to hear over and over, "don't put a question mark where God puts a period".
Several years ago when my mother was on her death bed, a guy invited me to attend his prayer group where they pray for those fallen ill. I kindly thanked him for the offer. Years in AA taught me to pray only for a knowledge of God's will and accept it, praying for an hour isn't going to change the outcome. I just needed to have faith that the outcome was God's will. Then I needed to get back into God's will and faith as I was taught.
pg 93 faith alone is insufficient. To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Hi Tomas, Thanks for your post, I can relate. I am moving onto my boat in a months or so to begin another adventure which, if past experience is anything to go by, will have its spells of misery. Sometime I think sailing is like alcoholism, we go out, get a hammering, and are cured for a little while. Then comes the strange mental blank spot where we can only remember the good bits, a new voyage is planned which will be much better this time, and then we are off to repeat the cycle. Of course the things we get to experience, from God(with cooperation from self) reliance, to the wonders of God's earth, make it so worthwhile.
I am a long way from being rid of fear and anger however, though I have made a little progress. Part of it lies in the fact that these are natural responses based in instinct and so will always have a place in my make up. However God seems to give me courage where irrational fear is present, and a course of action should resentment crop up. Neither emotion rules my life as it once did.
