Is it really an issue?

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Is it really an issue?

Chaya · Senior Member

So I'm struggling to figure out if my drinking is an issue. I've been doing my little test this week and I don't know what I'm proving. I feel guilty because during my "experiment" I am seeing that I am much happier under the influence than not. I haven't been irritable, I haven't been edgy. I am a happier mom. I don't do this all the time. I don't drink that much, but after a pretty good night two weeks ago it's really all I can think about. I was pissed off all weekend and I think it's because I wanted to go out drinking again and my friends didn't want to. I had one drink with dinner with a friend but it wasn't much fun staying in without anyone to flirt with. I'm already sobering up as I write this and thinking of that bottle of gin at home. It hasn't been like this though. At what point does the switch flip?

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey Chava,
You sound just like me and millions of others. A great way to research this is to look at this link:

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

under "Personal Stories". You will read a bunch of stories where we, as alcoholics, have the same thoughts. The bottle of Gin at home? Classic. "Testing" ourselves? Check. We are like an open book, all of us, doing the same things. After you read some of the stories, if you are interested in what we do here, look at Chapter 5 "How it works". It may touch you.

This is a great website to ask questions, so welcome!

Tom

stayhumble · Senior Member

If I have to control something then it's out of control. Just my experience. Keep coming back to this board!

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

WOW Mikef ... ... ... I've never taken that test ... is 18 out of 20 bad???

I had to answer 'yes' to 18 of those questions ... guess I'm in the right place ....

Welcome Chaya, ... ... ... stick around awhile, you'll answer your own question about your drinking in due time ...
just don't wait years to do so like I did ... go to some AA meetings and just listen if you want to see how things are done ...
most of us don't bite ...

Love Ya and God Bless,
Pappy

Chaya · Senior Member

That 20 questions one is different from the AA pamphlet questions, eh? I didn't fare as well on this one. For some reason my thoughts around alcohol have just been more nuts lately. I didn't want to make the bed so I thought to myself to just take a drink so it won't seem so bad to do. I've already had 2 tonight though. What in the world is going on? I'm pissed off at my 7 year old for just being a 7 year old, I'm pissed at the dog for wanting to be with me, I'm pissed at myself for being so miserable all the time. I've been the only one getting in my own way. I thought things were getting better. It seemed like they were. I'm so scared of going to a meeting. I don't want to. When I went with an ex for his bday on e I just didn't feel like I belonged there at all. I felt like an imposter. I get overwhelmed by all that celebrating and smiling and hollering. Despair i can take. I will do it this weekend though. I will. Thanks for letting me share.

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

Hi Chava,

Wecome to the MIP forum. You are the only person that can decide of you have a drinking problem. I remember during my HS and college years thinking/obsessing a lot about drinking through the week, couldn't wait till the weekend to get a good buzz on. The switch fliped for me the last couple years of college.

Everybody has a different story. Honestly, the fact that my friends didn't want to go out would not have keeped me from getting drunk, if thats what I wanted to do.

Whatever the case, I hope you can find peace of mind and a design for living. Going though life jonesing for the next a drink can't be much fun....

page 44 We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the nonalcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.

Hope this can help,

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

Welcome Chaya, glad you are here. In answer to your question, it might not be an issue, then again it might. Not everyone that runs into a few problems is automatically an alcoholic. There can be other causes like depression, for example, or outside pressures such as unhappy relationships that put people in a bad frame of mind and they may, temporarily, turn to alcohol for relief. When the problem goes away, so does the drinking.

Alcoholism, on the other hand, is about control and choice. Alcoholics like me have lost the ability to choose whether we drink or not, and when we get started, we can;t guarantee how much we'll drink or when we'll stop. So in simple terms you could decide to just stop drinking, or you could decide to limit the amount you drink to a sensible level, like two standard drinks once or twice a week. If you can do this over a reasonable period without going crazy, then you are probably not one of us. Whew!
I really have to spell out the level of sensible drinking because the alcoholic will convince himself that two drinks means two kegs.

God bless,
MikeH.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Congrats Tasha on 7 months sober ... you are such an inspiration to so many here ... you go girl ...

P.S. there's a young lady in our group that came early to the meeting yesterday and sat down

at the piano and played several melodies ... She's really quite good ... and I immediately thought of you ...

her name is Ally ... I'm no musician, but love music with my heart and soul ... (My grandma was a 'classical pianist')

and teacher ...

-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 25th of October 2012 08:23:30 AM

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

I guess it's for you to decide, ultimately. I hope you make the right choice, for today. Welcome to M.I.P.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

(((((Chaya)))))....seems like it's really an issue. Without total abstinence and a program of recovery it gets to be a bigger and then bigger and then terminal issue. "Progressive and fatal if not arrested by total abstinence...." that blurb courtesy of the American Medical Association. Keep coming back smile

Frodo · MIP Old Timer

Chaya wrote:

So I'm struggling to figure out if my drinking is an issue. I've been doing my little test this week and I don't know what I'm proving. I feel guilty because during my "experiment" I am seeing that I am much happier under the influence than not. I haven't been irritable, I haven't been edgy. I am a happier mom. I don't do this all the time. I don't drink that much, but after a pretty good night two weeks ago it's really all I can think about. I was pissed off all weekend and I think it's because I wanted to go out drinking again and my friends didn't want to. I had one drink with dinner with a friend but it wasn't much fun staying in without anyone to flirt with. I'm already sobering up as I write this and thinking of that bottle of gin at home. It hasn't been like this though. At what point does the switch flip?

Welcome Chaya. At what point? I don't now what makes us cross that line or what process is going on, but I can tell you the exact day that I did. I can pretty much narrow I down to a time too. It was about midday 28th March in 1996. Before that day I figured I was just a big drinker. After that day I knew I had a serious problem. Took me until Oct 2010 and a hell of a lot of pain before I made it into AA. Far too long.

If you are worried that you've crossed that line then stick around and have a good look. If you are one of us then stuff just gets worse if it's untreated. It just keeps taking away all the things that matter, and it takes away you from who you really should be. Sad but true. But the good news is that if you do stick around you'll learn how to have a great life and you'll never have to walk all those miles in my shoes.

Frodo

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Great lesson learned Chaya ... in due time, most of us don't mind it being around for others, but WE have learned to
re-coil from it like a hot flame ... a lot of us have even come to detest even the smell of it ...

Good job ... keep up the hard work, you won't be disappointed in the results ...

-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 25th of October 2012 12:23:56 PM

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Welcome - I'm a Mom too. I have a 6 yr old and 3 yr old. Sober for 7 months today. I felt like you did, even the dog part LOL. I had to go to 90 meetings in 90 days after I couldn't stand to be so miserable. In that time I got a sponsor, and did whatever the people who seemed to have worse stories than mine but now looked happy, told me to do. Even when I thought it was stupid or cheesy. That has worked well for me... my life is 100% different and for the good.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Thanks Pappy - that means a lot to me. Trying to keep the faith today, and remember we are ALL right where we are suppose to be.

I am actually a vocalist. Trained to sing opera mostly - I teach piano because there aren't a lot of grade school kids who want to take opera lessons LOL

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Thanks for making me smile Tasha ... I needed that!

Chaya · Senior Member

Woke up at 2am. Reluctantly went to the kitchen to pour out the liquor. I knew that if I didn't I would come home to it again today. I really don't think I can keep it in the house anymore. That experiment is over.
Chaya

chris · Senior Member

People without drinking issues don't wonder if they have drinking issues....try getting to an AA meeting and see what they have to say.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

As an alcoholic, I really identify with the difficulty in dumping that alcohol out!!! I think you did the right thing, there is no way I could let it sit for more than a few days. I wish I would have told myself "if you're brave enough to get rocked off your ass, then you're brave enough to go to a flippin meeting where people are just nice to you, and trying to live a better life" But ooooooooooooooooooooohh no. I had to make a really huge deal out of it of course, let my disease do ALLLLL the talking me out of why I didn't belong there. Why I couldn't. How I wasn't brave enough. Well in all reality... I just didn't really want to go anywhere that might make me not drink, cuz I was still in the midst of my disease! I COULDN'T do anything but LOVE and HATE alcohol. That's alcoholism. I hope you hit a meeting. It seems so hard, but it's just a group of people very similiar to the variety you'd find at Target (I frequently say).