Mornin' Gorgeous, ...

This sounds a lot like what I went through early in the program ... I felt there were some good traits I had that were still worth hanging on to
but I found that for me to 'totally' 'let go', I had to change 'entirely' ... what I tried to do is take part of me(the good parts) and blend it into my
recovery ... but old ways of thinking about things and doing things just keep creeping back into my daily patterns ... I learned to start and end
my day with prayer ... I learned to hand over the controls of my day to God (my higher power) to steer me in the direction He desired ...

The more control I gave up, the more I had ... I still have trouble making sense out of that, but it's true ... I try to let each day unfold as it was
meant to be ... We can briefly visit the 'past', but we do not wish to dwell on it ...

and living in God's will makes letting go of/deciphering of my past as in trying to figure out WHY I am who I am today, doesn't do a whole hell of
a lot of good! Maybe that's stupid, but it just doesn't feel right to me. It actually brings me down.

Trying to figure out WHY you are who you are is like trying to argue with Einstein that he missed something in his 'Theory of Relativity' equation ...
The possibilities are 'endless' ... what if ... I hadn't broke my toe @ 6yo ... or fell off the horse @ 8yo ... or stole that money ... or got sick at the
'merry-go-round' ... or hadn't met 'whats -his-name' ... or been raped ... or lost my leg ... or became quadriplegic ... or married 'so-and-so'
What a total and complete waste of time to sit and consider the possibilities ...

In a sense, we have been 'reborn' to a new and wonderful life ... we have been granted a better understanding of life than most will ever have
the opportunity to experience ... Don't let it get to you that you do not totally understand why ... just let life happen ... don't miss the beauty
that surrounds you by trying to figure who you are as you are as a person ... Let God's Love soak into every pore in your body and so live your life ...

I hope this didn't sound too much like preaching ... kids in the 60's left home in search for themselves ... few of us ever really found our 'true calling'
... every generation questions 'why am I here?' ... 'who am I really?' ... if you wait for the answer to these questions, you'll find yourself too old to
change ... and a lifetime wondering if you could have been different ... The mysterys of tomorrow is far more satisfying than the sorrows of yesterday ...


Love Ya and God Bless,
Pappy