Dear ****,

I’m an alcoholic, who has been sober for over 11 years… yet… I still don’t understand what makes a person choose to drink, when they know the destruction it has caused. Why would someone throw away a future of happiness and peace, just to remain - numb? I never asked myself these questions and even then, I probably didn’t know the answer.

My sobriety came about because one of my step-daughters told a school counselor how mean I was. My kids were scared of me. That hurt! The children were removed from our home for their own safety by Health and Human Services. My now ex-wife and I had to give reports to the police about the charges that could be filed. I don’t know why, but I was honest through it all. I admitted my wrongs and for the first time in my life, I accepted responsibility. That was a long time ago and I go into more details about it all in both of my books.

But today, I wonder why the alcoholic can’t see what they are doing. They will never know their child - because booze is more important. They will never know honesty, because the alcohol tells them to lie. They will never know love, because their relationships are about manipulation, control, and “me.”

It hurts to watch when it’s someone you know and care about. You watch their children wonder why Daddy can’t be around, or why Mommy has no time for them. the only way it might change - is to quit drinking. You may not want to hear that, but it is the truth.

You won’t feel better over night. Heck, it took me two years just to feel comfortable in my own skin. No one will trust you - they heard it all before. But slowly, if you are honest, you will start feeling better about yourself. If you are honest, you will cry and feel a pain you never would have imagined. But it will be worth it.

First, you’ll find a Higher Power, whom you will trust and love. If this Friendship is strong, you will learn to forgive yourself and then you’ll find a little self-respect. I’m not talking a week or two - but years. Look at it this way, you didn’t get into this mess overnight, and you’re not going to get out of it overnight either. Along the way you will have some ups and downs. Bill collectors will be at your door and you might lose your family or your job.

But if you don’t drink, even through all of this you will get stronger and learn to love yourself once again. Right now, the only thing you have control over is your word. Take charge of it now. Be honest! Not part of the time, but rather all of the time. Again, I know it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

Whatever happens it is your choice. I just sit back and watch in pain, because I could help you if you’d let me. I will make you three promises that I know will happen. First, if you quit and get “rigorusly honest” life will improve - not overnight - but it will. Second, if you continue to drink, things will continue to spiral out of control until you are either dead or in jail. Finally, if you quit and somewhere down the road decide that you can control your drinking, I promise you all your problems will reappear - 10 times worse then before.

Please, for everyone who loves you, let’s get honest. The beginning of a new life is up to you and three powerfull words - “I’m an alcoholic.”

Love,
Dave

creating a life from the ashes of hell