After 20 years of research I have concluded that I want what you have. I know what it takes to get what you have but I always figured I'd do it my way. That usually consists of doing everything but THAT. "That" can be anything from calling a sponsor to getting to the next meeting. I can always adjust and will adjust "That" to fit my true agenda.
I have lost enough in my life from this sickness to know that I don't want to lose anymore. It's time. I'm ready.
I'm convinced "self" is at the core of our most serious defects. This includes me being self-sabotaging, self-seeking, selfish, self-absorbed.... Alcohol had the function to either make me engage with others (at first it was a social lurbricant) and/or to just forget about myself. I didn't realize how much I was in my own way until achieving some longer term sobriety.
I know you've been at this for a while. I can see you've been a member for a few months. AA only worked for me when I dove in full force. I would suggest writing down your feelings and expereinces leading up to this state of willingness right now. This bottom is the one you want to last so it's good to actually have it down on paper to refer back to when you think things are better, that you can let up on AA, suggestions, or that it really wasn't as bad.
After 4 years, I start thinking "Was I really that bad?" I look back at the details of what I wrote in my "last drunk" and it's all right there. I was that bad....and it will be that way again if I drink...always.
Welcome back Steve. I hope you become a regular poster and member of the family :)
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Like a little child, I ran from the only real solution available for my disease ... I too, insisted my way would work ... failure after failure didn't convince me ... Only when I lost all dignity and respect, did I even consider I might not be stronger than this disease ...
There came a point in time that I realized that I must surrender ... and what did I have to lose, more than I'd already lost? ... Nothing ... I don't know what held me back for so long 'cause this 'way of life' is absolutely wonderful ...
Glad to have you with us ...
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Welcome RUN! Surrender, and an emotional acceptance of utter defeat, not easy,compounded by days,years,decades of denial but its where we start! It was 25 years of self-sponsoring and rationalizing every possible avenue of my illness that kept me in the grip. With God( of my understandings) grace and mercy, THE PAIN FINALLY OUTWEIGHED THE PLEASURE!(and the last part of the journey was no longer pleasurable)You know the drill. follow sugg estions,get in the "solution", strive to be of maximum service to your Higher Power and others along the journey.. In recovery it "gets good,then it gets real good and then it gets REAL! Welcome home brother.....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Surrendering is the first step to being happy, joyous and free! Welcome to the boards, Run. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
If you've been doing research, it also sounds like AA planted a seed. Great stuff. You know then that you if you work AA thoroughly, then your last drink can really be your last drink.
One question though: what meeting are you getting to today?
I ended up in a similar spot with a stark choice best expressed in the Big Book.
"If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort."
Hi Run, My fear of other people's opinions of me caused me to cut off people and places a few times myself. Sometimes God does want us to move on from unhealthy or abusive people and places, but other times we need to sit and stay and work through fears and discomfort.
When I reached my emotional bottom, alcohol and drugs were there but it wasn't really about alcohol and drugs - it was about the feelings. I am seriously alcoholic mentally too, and nothing I tried in AA worked for me until I accepted the plan outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had a lot to work through and it was a gentle process. It's a ton of work, and I was glad there was some action I could take about my situation, I was in the Solution of my life at last.
Lot of good things said. I to thought I could find a easier softer way, tried to put a small bandaid on a large cut gushing blood.
If my way would have worked, I would have never came to AA. Just grateful that I was able to hit a sufficient bottom that helped me to become willing to do whatever it took to stay sober.
"Faced with alcoholic destruction we soon became open mined on spiritual matters"
Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Lot of good things said. I to thought I could find a easier softer way, tried to put a small bandaid on a large cut gushing blood.
If my way would have worked, I would have never came to AA. Just grateful that I was able to hit a sufficient bottom that helped me to become willing to do whatever it took to stay sober.
"Faced with alcoholic destruction we soon became open mined on spiritual matters"
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