Hey all:) hit 5 months a couple days ago:) yup, I'm still around! Nothing new really, just doing my thing- work, meeting, redoing step 4 cuz I feel as though I wasn't as fearlessly searching as I could've been haha. That's alright though, cuz I think maybe at 3 months I was being a bit too ambitious by thinking I was ready for it. Anyway, as I'm kinda 'settling into' being sober I'm realizing that I have little grasp of what 'normal' is. Now I know there's no 'normal', but I guess what I mean is like what's healthy and appropriate. After spending my life from pretty much 12 or 13 years old to 36 in alcoholic drama filled existence, it doesn't come as a surprise that my perceprions of normalcy may be a bit off haha. It'd or many of those years I lived on a survival mode.. Living on the streets and over 20 foster homes did little to establish a baseline reference of how to simply live life. I'll give an example- just a small one. Yesterday I'm beginning my 2nd job and just felt frustrated.. I began to tear up and had to ask a coworker to cover me for 10 minutes while I pulled myself together. It was embarrassing and my immediate thoughts are "col, you are just so f in crazy, what is wrong with me??!!"While I'm smoking a butt and praying I realize that I'd worked 36 hours in the past two days, and hadn't eaten anything in hours, so being frustrated was completely appropriate. Went back in grabbed something to eat, thanked my coworker, who told me that she does that sorta thing all the time... And life went on. Little things like this still can throw me off. My 'go to' reaction is to beat myself up, through the program I've learned to hit the pause button, pray or meditate or just take a couple deeps breaths, and start over. It doesn't have to ruin my day, I don't have to mull in over and brood over things for hours. I can simply move on. Just one of many things I'm grateful for today as a sober person relearning how to do this life thing:)
Hey! Nice to hear from you and that you're doing well : )
I had to re-do my 4th step 3 times! Same thing, got a little deeper each time and finally was able to do a real deal 5th step.
I just got another sponsor a couple weeks ago (in addition to my other one who is an older lady) this lady is a Mom with young kids like me. She's awesome, and we can talk about everything really easily. So I'm going to be doing the steps all over again with her, and it's a good thing, because I simply forgot some stuff about my life (like entire yrs)! I've been tempted to think I can think things through on my own, and I don't need a sponsor to work anything out with. "Do it on my own" thinking I hear gets people drunk, so I'm trying to keep a step ahead of that... drunk is not an option, and I refuse to be miserable in sobriety. Stubborn I guess. So, I'm still trying to do what I'm told, and sure enough, the equation works. There really is joy in living with some AAers & HP's guidance.
Things are going great around here now. My husband has been going to speaker meetings with me on Saturday nights, we have signed up for a commitment together for greeting next month. Friday we'll go to the fall banquet and listen to husband & wife alanon and aa speakers. We're both actually really excited for our own reasons, and the same reason. It's pretty neat. He hasn't been continuing with alanon after the 1st meeting, but I think it's because there are no men, just like in AA around here, there are few woman. Makes sense I guess. So that's what's all happenin with me. Sobriety still rocks (can I say that at 34) I guess so!
Talk to you soon, Tasha
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
It is good to here from you and congrats on the 5 months! Good to see you using some of the tools. My first year or so I wasn't to worried about normal, just trying not to drink, working the steps and learning to use the tools. But I did start to like the new "normal".
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I,m about four months sober and I feel great, I have a sponsor we are working on the steps. I have no urge to drink whatsoever. I am not on a pink cloud I just know that I am feeling great. I have the ability to take care of my children now because I have taken care of me for the past four months. I have to always remember that I have to take care of myself first otherwise I will be no good to my family on any level. My priorities are myself my children and then my husband. I know i need to continue to go to meetings every day to keep my self on the right track. I am dual diagnosis so I might not ever feel normal, but i feel better than i have since i was three years old. i am ready to take on the world with the help of meetings and my sponsor, and my fellow alcoholics advice. I want this now for me. i was always convinced i could that first drink. now i know i am under no illusion. I cant even have a sip. it wakes up a monster in me. for now i must maintain my sobriety at all costs, otherwise I will loose my whole family. so far so good. We'll see how things go when I get home back to all the stress of my husband!
I,m about four months sober and I feel great, I have a sponsor we are working on the steps. I have no urge to drink whatsoever. I am not on a pink cloud I just know that I am feeling great. I have the ability to take care of my children now because I have taken care of me for the past four months. I have to always remember that I have to take care of myself first otherwise I will be no good to my family on any level. My priorities are myself my children and then my husband. I know i need to continue to go to meetings every day to keep my self on the right track. I am dual diagnosis so I might not ever feel normal, but i feel better than i have since i was three years old. i am ready to take on the world with the help of meetings and my sponsor, and my fellow alcoholics advice. I want this now for me. i was always convinced i could that first drink. now i know i am under no illusion. I cant even have a sip. it wakes up a monster in me. for now i must maintain my sobriety at all costs, otherwise I will loose my whole family. so far so good. We'll see how things go when I get home back to all the stress of my husband!
Well put. Like the stewardess says before the plane takes off: "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or others".
I guess this means we are no good to others if we can't breathe (or stay sober).
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Hey Col, good to hear from you!! Congrats on 5 months. In our meeting hall, we have a sign that says HALT. It is often refered to in shares, either in part or whole . Stands for don't let yourself get too Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired. Sounds like you had 2 of those 4 going on when you had your mini meltdown. Absolutely great that you recognized it, took care of what you could at the time. Using the tools you have been given. What a miracle, for folks like us to learn healthier ways to cope. My sponsor likened resentments & Step 4 to trying to get rid of dandelions. At first, we mow them down. When they come back, we pluck them out. When they come back again, we finally decide to pull them out by the roots, get rid of them once & for all. At least for the time being. I have met sober folks who have done only one 4th Step, some who have double digit years, and some folks who redo all the steps every year around their sober bday. The important thing is to keep moving forward, and it sounds like that is exactly what you are doing.
To Nonaine...Welcome to MIP. Congrats on your 4 months, and for knowing that you have to come first in your sobriety, then your children, then your spouse. It took me a lot longer than 4 months to come to that realization. Hope you stick around and let us get to know you.
Peace & ((( hugs)))
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
Colleen, I don't have much time to write. Good thing I type super fast. I just wanted to say that your post reflects exactly what I would expect as "normal" for a person with 5 months sobriety. You are in a painful growth period and a little shaky but soooo much better off than you were. I recall wanting to be on firmer footing at 5 months sober, but where you are is where you are meant to be. You are learning to live life on life's terms and that's as "normal" as it gets. It takes a bit longer for your brain to slow down and to "feel normal." What I mean by that is that you will feel serene more often if you keep this up. You will have more moments of "Hrm. Everything is cool right now." and "I think I'm going to be okay no matter what. Cool!" That's how it played out for me between 5 months to a year...
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I was told in rehab (and maybe Pinkchip can confirm this in case I misunderstood) that you stop developing emotionally when you pick up an addiction, and that it takes roughly one month per year of addiction to get to normal levels for your age. I was about 15 years with alcohol and another couple with pot and pills and other assorted crap. I'm a little shy of 2 years sober now and I reckon that in the last 6 odd months I've finally felt 100%. I was probably 90% after a year, and 70% after six months, with a real up and down (and sometimes inside out) run the first 6 months.
So running on what I was told and how I remember things you're probably tracking about right, and are probably about 6-8 months away from being the person you really should be (the normal you are wondering about), but remembering that the next 1/2 year is going to be a lot easier, and you'll feel much more comfortable in your skin, than the last 5 months.
Anyhoo, that's a pretty longwinded way of saying that you sound like you are doing pretty well, and I'm glad for you.
I suppose that's if you're doing the work though right frodo? I think Col is doing the work and yes, right where she is suppose to be. She sounds like I remember feeling at about 5 months. She works two jobs and doesn't have the time I do either, so wow to her! I wouldn't want people to think that simply just showing up means you're going to have all these promises we speak of. You have to work with a sponsor, read the big book, do the steps like Col is.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I suppose that's if you're doing the work though right frodo?
I'm really not sure that it's AA linked. I think that it's just a general rule of thumb in the rehab biz. I could have it all arse about though. When I was told that I was probably a week sober, and I was really sick and wrapped in my own world of (self inflicted) pain. I consider it a minor miracle that anything from that time stuck with me.
