That was the response from my sponsor this morning as I spoke about the 7th stop yesterday by the police which shouldn't have been a stop but was. My sponsor is a native cultural recovering person like myself and of course I was looking for feedback on my journey. If I was still drinking I'd be in jail still or dead because I am still oppositional/defiant. That characteristic with alcohol put me in several toxic shocks...I just would not quit drinking because I didn't have the desire to. That characteristic within a relationship with the para-military public servants has as of last November indeed put me in jail and only the intervention of my loving HP has prevented me from being shot even while being held at gun point. Saturday morning on the 7th stop the officer approached my door and the first words out of his mouth was "Don't give me any attitude!!" and my reaction was oppositional. "Where the hell does THAT attitude come from first"? I responded. Damn that still pisses me off. "I just noticed where your rear plates were after you stopped" he continued "and I wanted to tell you I just saw them now." (I've got them taped to my rear window). That put me about a hundred feet off the ground...levitating...I wanted to respond with "then why the hell didn't you just turn off the lights and drive around"? but I didnt' because I saw an opportunity to use the event. I told him "my story" (I'm hating the story because it's my personal story about historical oppression of native peoples) to which in part he responded "I've heard about it...(the assault and a meeting afterwards between state representatives and representatives of my government)...and that pissed me off even more because I realize that the story follows my truck where ever I go and that includes my personal characteristic of oppositional defiant where the power and control police are involved. This young officer mentioned that he was "also Hawaiian" and his name tag said so and I used the opportunity to enlighten him a bit...didn't do really well at it because I was still stopped for the 7th time and was on my way to a community presentation on recovery. I didn't mistreat him or disrespect him and I found the inclination to have him pay for the prior 6 stops and the assault and the jail time and the vehicle damage and the personal body damage and the other mental and emotional issues (PTSD) that have been reignited in my life. He had no reason to hold me and I got the self centered feeling that maybe he was wanting to "check me out"...from what he had heard from other cops. I left and in a few blocks was at the recovery event which, of course, went very well and became healing for me and others.
This morning I took the issue to my meeting and my sponsor. The issue is that this is repititious over the course of my life...when I was drinking it was a horror story for myself and those I touched with my disease...it was insane and not like it was then because I not longer drink. I still don't roll over for power and control maniacs and that being said my sponsor listened and came up with the simplest suggestion..."Get a different truck". I had to laugh...changing anything has to bump up against my O/D disorder first and so I asked him, "Know where I can get something in a cab plus with an automatic"? He knows that included some sarcasm...they re-damaged my spine again and driving a stick sometimes is not pleasant.
I'm keeping this one...me and "MY" part in it in my HP's hands cause there is no safer or sane place to have it. I'd like to make a general apology to this young cop just in case and am suspicious that all that will do is invoke a "gottcha" from the state and county government. I shared this morning that maybe I need to stay within my pasture and on my side of the street as a solution and then could visualize it...loosing the freedom to those who have taken it from me and others. The issue is sobriety and I just feel dry. Too sad, too angry, too resentful to be sober. Send me some positive spirit pleeeeze.
Honestly Jerry thats not bad advice. I was in a similar situation (similar. but not as unfair as the situation you are in) and my best friends Dad said "Just get rid of the car--it's a target. In retrospect, I wish I had listened because when I finally did change vehicles, my life changed. I was no longer tied to defiance. I was out of a situation where I had to rightly fight for my conscience. In other words, the 1974 Barracuda was a target for the local cops to pick on a kid who had been wronged by the cops, proved right in court, but was then going to pay on the street. It sort of put me in a position where the car was known by my peers and the story behind it, and the longer I kept it, the more difficult my life became. I suffered with the negativity until I was offered (what I thought then) was a good deal, and when the car was gone, a large portion of my problems disappeared. I wished I had done it sooner because it was a classic "keep it simple" situation. If the car or truck is causing you trouble, get rid of the trouble. It is unfair, but the program is not always about justice. It is about staying sober and doing what it takes to offload the things in life that bring upset and trigger emotion. I hope it works out Jerry, because I know it is a bitter situation and I am sorry about it. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
That was the response from my sponsor this morning as I spoke about the 7th stop yesterday by the police which shouldn't have been a stop but was. My sponsor is a native cultural recovering person like myself and of course I was looking for feedback on my journey. If I was still drinking I'd be in jail still or dead because I am still oppositional/defiant. That characteristic with alcohol put me in several toxic shocks...I just would not quit drinking because I didn't have the desire to. That characteristic within a relationship with the para-military public servants has as of last November indeed put me in jail and only the intervention of my loving HP has prevented me from being shot even while being held at gun point. Saturday morning on the 7th stop the officer approached my door and the first words out of his mouth was "Don't give me any attitude!!" and my reaction was oppositional. "Where the hell does THAT attitude come from first"? I responded. Damn that still pisses me off. "I just noticed where your rear plates were after you stopped" he continued "and I wanted to tell you I just saw them now." (I've got them taped to my rear window). That put me about a hundred feet off the ground...levitating...I wanted to respond with "then why the hell didn't you just turn off the lights and drive around"? but I didnt' because I saw an opportunity to use the event. I told him "my story" (I'm hating the story because it's my personal story about historical oppression of native peoples) to which in part he responded "I've heard about it...(the assault and a meeting afterwards between state representatives and representatives of my government)...and that pissed me off even more because I realize that the story follows my truck where ever I go and that includes my personal characteristic of oppositional defiant where the power and control police are involved. This young officer mentioned that he was "also Hawaiian" and his name tag said so and I used the opportunity to enlighten him a bit...didn't do really well at it because I was still stopped for the 7th time and was on my way to a community presentation on recovery. I didn't mistreat him or disrespect him and I found the inclination to have him pay for the prior 6 stops and the assault and the jail time and the vehicle damage and the personal body damage and the other mental and emotional issues (PTSD) that have been reignited in my life. He had no reason to hold me and I got the self centered feeling that maybe he was wanting to "check me out"...from what he had heard from other cops. I left and in a few blocks was at the recovery event which, of course, went very well and became healing for me and others.
This morning I took the issue to my meeting and my sponsor. The issue is that this is repititious over the course of my life...when I was drinking it was a horror story for myself and those I touched with my disease...it was insane and not like it was then because I not longer drink. I still don't roll over for power and control maniacs and that being said my sponsor listened and came up with the simplest suggestion..."Get a different truck". I had to laugh...changing anything has to bump up against my O/D disorder first and so I asked him, "Know where I can get something in a cab plus with an automatic"? He knows that included some sarcasm...they re-damaged my spine again and driving a stick sometimes is not pleasant.
I'm keeping this one...me and "MY" part in it in my HP's hands cause there is no safer or sane place to have it. I'd like to make a general apology to this young cop just in case and am suspicious that all that will do is invoke a "gottcha" from the state and county government. I shared this morning that maybe I need to stay within my pasture and on my side of the street as a solution and then could visualize it...loosing the freedom to those who have taken it from me and others. The issue is sobriety and I just feel dry. Too sad, too angry, too resentful to be sober. Send me some positive spirit pleeeeze.
Is it legal to have your license plate taped in the window?
For me it's legal tanin...when the police damaged my truck they damaged the facility to mount any plates in the usual spot. I won't fix what others have damaged because that always enables the condition to continue for me and for others.
For me it's legal tanin...when the police damaged my truck they damaged the facility to mount any plates in the usual spot. I won't fix what others have damaged because that always enables the condition to continue for me and for others.
Hey Jerry,
I want you to know there is no doubt in my mind that you are the wronged party in this situation. I think an institution has wrongly decided to supersede their powers and harass you. There is no reason you should have to sell your truck to avoid the police, but in the spirit of offloading anger, resentment, hate, old memories, and keep in the "moment" of simple living, if you honestly think selling the truck would deflect these unwanted side effects, I would consider it.
Prayers to you my friend!
Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Hey Jerry! yup for me my tendency has always been"to fight city hall" much more during the dilusion years. As stubborn as I am,nowadays I would probably head to the station and have them tell me exactly where I can keep these plates(hear my attitude:) without being harrassed,even "busting" a little by asking for signed document saying its okay(imagine gettin that:) On the positive side of the ledger,no accident,no one hurt(physically)not in a stupor and an opportunity to "fight" another day...WE are resistant to change,(keep it on me here anyway)its part of our daily journey of seeking to instill those pesky spiritual principles in the attitudes and behaviors of our lives. GET A NEW TRUCK! DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO(hmmm might alleviate some trying situations???? Peace brother........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
For me it's legal tanin...when the police damaged my truck they damaged the facility to mount any plates in the usual spot. I won't fix what others have damaged because that always enables the condition to continue for me and for others.
Hmm. Is that logic also applicable to the decision to get a different truck?
For me it's legal tanin...when the police damaged my truck they damaged the facility to mount any plates in the usual spot. I won't fix what others have damaged because that always enables the condition to continue for me and for others.
Hmm. Is that logic also applicable to the decision to get a different truck?
I'm open to other's recovery and ESH...In the end I will do what I will do for the reason I do it...and miracles of mieracles I did change my drinking habits huh? I love that question...it will stay with me all day as I use it to inventory the things I can or can't...or won't...Mahalo
For me it's legal tanin...when the police damaged my truck they damaged the facility to mount any plates in the usual spot. I won't fix what others have damaged because that always enables the condition to continue for me and for others.
Hmm. Is that logic also applicable to the decision to get a different truck?
I'm open to other's recovery and ESH...In the end I will do what I will do for the reason I do it...and miracles of mieracles I did change my drinking habits huh? I love that question...it will stay with me all day as I use it to inventory the things I can or can't...or won't...Mahalo
First off Jerry, I hate to see a fellow MIP AAer in frustration. Hopefully something in some of the post help put this in perspective.
I'm a guy who in his late teens and early 20's drove 4 door beige family sedans (with plates proper displayed ;)). I was making decisions based on what would most likely get away with my first priority...drinking and driving. How sick is that?
Back in late 70s and early 80s I was in college at Ohio U. The first Saturday in May was Spring riots night, a throw-back from the Kent State shootings that where at least 8 years past. The bars all closed a hour early due to DST and we all hung out in the streets acting crazy, then all the local cops and reinforecements dressed in riot gear came out and eventually started shooting rubber knee-knockers to disperse the crowd.
Looking back, the whole ordeal was silly for all. I think the cops enjoyed the overtime pay and the opportunity to dress in the gear, us students didn't have anything to protest but the bars closing early.
The first thing that comes to mind is the Dr Paul acceptance paragraph and the statement pg 417. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
The resentment cuts us off from the sunlight of the spirit, where we cannot so God's will.
We ceased fighting anyone or anything for sanity has returned.
It was our inventory....not the other guy's.
The police are people to, some may be sick, but they are doing a job to feed thier families. They have a "God side" you just need to help expose it.
Personally I would take action to fix the tag issue somehow, clean you're side of the street, make amends where neccesary....maybe even dontate to the policeman ball and get one of those stupid stickers to put on your truck
I'll show you....I'll hurt me... never worked for me
Hugs (())
-- Edited by Rob84 on Monday 15th of October 2012 10:43:18 PM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I just had a conversation with my hubby kind of like this today. He was telling me about how he has to deal with bullies at work. I asked him if he just wanted an ear to listen, or if he'd like some suggestions that would come directly from what I've learned in the program... I'm trying not to burn him out on my new way of thinking, or shove that thinking down his throat.
He said - yes, he would like a different way of looking at it. So I explained that when we follow God's will for us, in particular for me, I follow the qualities that my God has. I can't be God, but if I break it down into definable qualities that He is and isn't for me, then I can pick out qualities that I am modeling and decipher if I'm in line or out of line. So to begin we look for our part in the situation, leaving where the others were at fault out completely. What can we do about those exact things, the things that are within our control? So, I explained how we clean up our side of the street then, and apologize for the things that were out of line, and keep their part of out if completely still. This apology comes with no excuses, just the words that describe what your HP is or isn't. For my husband, he found he was being inconsiderate in the first place. The fact that the guys dumped oil on his work truck was left out. Zach stored the oil in a shop that houses several mechanics. He could have asked if that would be okay with them long ago. It seems petty and like it shouldn't have to be that way, but warding off bullies requires a lot of kindness and understanding for a sick soul. The quality he could apologize for was self centered thinking. Not being considerate of others... even those he didn't like.
He wondered if he should apologize in front of the whole staff. I thought of doing this out there in the real world, where trying to get ahead, self will run riot is everywhere, and not to mention among guys in a shop. He had a lot on his plate. I identified with how tough it is to practice these principles in ALL our affairs. I admitted that I might not be able to get it right very much if I had to be out there in the real world, instead of my little hobby farm where no one bucks me but the goats. But then I think of the promises.
I suggested no - that he would then be out of line on humility if he apologized in front of the supervisors at the morning meeting - mostly to "taddle or rat them out" maybe? That's not a true apology. God would not apologize like that. He agreed his Higher Power is a humble one and cares for all people.
Finally, he thought that apologizing and asking for placement of things in a shop that is just as much his, would give the others a feeling of authority, and please them righteously. I thought maybe he was right, but since our HP is patient, the next right thing to do would maybe be to just wait. Continue to do His work and be patient as he awaits the promises to start to come true. That there might not be self respect or respect and understanding from others for a long time... maybe never... but he would know deep down he was doing God's will to the best of his ability... and the rest will work itself out with time. God is trusting. I wanted my husband to find the joy in living today that I have... that once seemed out of reach. Today there is work to be done with aligning ourselves with an understanding of what God is and isn't... and that work can take our minds off of our troubles.
I don't know what the outcome is yet, and it really doesn't matter as the real joy in living for me was bonding and connecting with my husband today. I get to practice patience too. God's will for me today is to not shy away from speaking of Him as I have in the past.
I don't expect him to follow any of these suggestions. I don't expect him to do it perfectly because just talking through it was progress, even if he doesn't make a single move differently beyond that. We're right where we are suppose to be today.
Thanks for sharing about your life here with me. I appreciate it.
***Update - He just called me, and I shared with him that as I was typing this out - our conversation from this morning - and I realized that it must have sounded like I expected him to be a saint! He said "ya, but just talking about it and venting was good. I've forgotten about it, and I probably am not going to do anything about it actually."
So there you have it. Nothing is better than revenge. Nothing is far better than something eating you alive starting with your brains first : )
Love to you all here in this thread - especially the original poster who taught me all of this in the first place. Thanks for this, it was great to vent and share about it myself. Tasha
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
((((MIP)))) I originally came to recovery from a direction and with a guidance of a mysterious outside influence...I had been to the rooms before; both Al-Anon and AA and I wasn't ready. I was too insane and to full of myself. I didn't know and didn't' know that I didn't know and so I was deaf on all levels until thinking that a 3rd attempt as suicide might finally be successful. The space ships I had called for didn't arrive, help in emotional trouble was all to lunch, the suicide prevention center had no one to talk to and I found myself at the "A" section of the white pages of my telephone book...Not the AA, the Al-Anon section. It didn't matter to me because I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know...so I found a "live" person to talk to that convinced me to get to the most available meeting there was on that Monday night and while I went to meet this person and talk...I never have. I was set up by my Higher Power who doesn't have any "It's supposed to happen exactly this way plans". There were 439 meeting a month at that time in CenVal Ca. area and the only other responsibilities I had at that time was breathe and make it to the next meeting. Very early on I heard the very first suggestion which led to the very first miracle in my life..."If you keep and open mind...you will find help". That promise and suggestion has been used here as I presented just a small part of my life to you and asked for feedback. It didn't matter to my HP that I hated AA and AAers early on because HP knew I'd start getting the results of an "open mind" and then persistence.
I posted this a bit hungry for other/different points of views to solution and now realize I should have bought a bigger plate. I won't choke on this because I will continue to chew slowly.
"What is my part in it"? How do I resolve in unconditional love...appearing as the character and image of my Higher Power...(Rocked Science cause the name of my Higher Power is Akua)...Po`maika`i indeed. I could choose no greater fortune than that should I choose it as my former sponsor taught me. "The acronym for EGO IS EASING GOD OUT and the opposite is it's solution OGE...OFFERING GOD ENTRY.
I have only one surrender to offer and one Higher Power to surrender to...that is not a martyrs statement, I will stand up for my self as I found out that during "those days" that is one of the major things I didn't do. I intoxicated myself then...surrendered to the boozeman and his wares and gave up the spirit within me. Not today...not again and hopefully not ever. This is going to feel like what sober feels like...the walk.
Have I mentioned I am grateful for being a sober member of the world-wide fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am. Mahalo Akua. Mahalo MIP. ((((hugs))))
And no this doesn't mean I get a different truck just yet...HP gets to be involved in that in HP's time.
You'll still see that on some old tee shirts and pull overs mostly faded and surely with pukas(holes) all over. LOL even that works in this area. Yay!!
How's it hanging? Sorry to hear about your recent troubles. I've had my share of unpleasant incidents as well; some more disturbing than others. It just goes to show how insensitive some people truly are. When it comes to dealing with authority figures, though, it's a hard pill to swallow either way. It may not even matter who's at fault; we'll still be on the losing end no matter what. When you try to get a word in edgewise, especially with an out of control authority figure, they'll look at you as to say...don't even go there. So I suggest you take it slowly the next time around, just as a precautionary measure. The last thing we need is another setback.
Let's face it, though; they can be rude, impolite or just downright nasty at times -especially if they seem to have the upper hand. Then, we become hostile, argumentative or downright combative ourselves as a way of responding. And that's just for starters. So it's vitally important to keep our wits about us, so not to damage our creditability further.
Sometimes, what we say is not as important as how we say it. Either we get caught up in the moment or our emotions seem to get the best of us -either/or. So instead of seeing things in a negative light -like we often do, maybe we should reflect a more positive vibe next time around. Then see how they respond. If nothing changes, then it's not for us to understand. That's when we need to let go.
You're no different Jerry than a lot of us. We've all been there ourselves whether we realize it or not. The circumstances may be different, but the results were all too familiar. It comes with the territory, that's all. There will always be forces at work that are beyond human comprehension, plain and simple. It's a cruel reality even if we don't agree, but it does exist nonetheless. The remedy, be quick to pray and slow to retaliate; it always works for me.
Oh, one last thing before I forget. Do you still remember the spiritual axiom in step 10? Here's a refresher just in case you forgot: "When were deeply disturbed not matter what the cause there's something wrong with us". I know, it's not an easy pill to swallow either. It may, however, require a bigger glass, that's all. Let's face it, though: It might not be the insult, injury or provocation we have trouble with, but something completely different altogether. It may actually have something to do with us after all, who knows. Whether there's something uniquely wrong with us -or not- may still be in question, so it's important for us to take step 10 seriously. That's when we make the determination as to who was wrong. And if it has to do with us, then we need to inventory that mistake ourselves just as the step states. That's how we move forward together.
Remember, were not saints Jerry. And we'll never be canonized any time soon. It's just a part of being human after all. You can always pray for better circumstances the next time around; that's something you can do. But to remain calm and polite or at least turn the other cheek somehow -especially in these provocative situations, is better said than done. The reality, my friend, is much farther from the truth, no matter how we word it. So take it easy on yourself or at least 'try' to stay calm the next time around; it may be the only remedy worth striving for.
P.S. Don't get another truck Jerry; yours seems to be working just fine.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 20th of October 2012 01:05:44 AM
