I cut off a few folks for the interest of my sobriety when I came into the rooms. Hence, when I was getting sober, I had no friends or significant other pressuring me to drink any more at all. All my friends were pretty much from AA for a good 2 years. In that time, I have now seen, my ex come in (though not stay), our roommate of many years, most of the people we hung out with, and today.... Today I was at a function for the gay community and saw someone with a name tag. He has an odd name that you would remember. I remembered this was the guy I spent most of the night talking to in the bar on the night I had my last drink and crashed my car. He was drinking just like me that night. I recall talking to him 1 or 2 times after I joined AA, and he said AA was for losers basically and told me to meet him at the bar...I didn't and I stopped talking to him too. Evidently, he has a year sober now in AA.
Everyone that drank like me has wound up in AA in one form or another. Sadly, not all of them have stayed but this does reaffirm that you cannot keep up the type of sick drinking I was doing forever. So for anyone worried about leaving your drinking buddies behind by coming into AA. For one or more of them you may wind up holding their seat.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
We've lived here 3 yrs now, we moved here when my youngest was 6 months old. And since the only people who ever saw me drink in this city were the stuffed animals in our closet, it's never really crossed my mind about running into drinking friends, or even people that I know. I only knew a handful of stay at home moms that came to the kids music classes that I taught. Funny thing was, I actually saw one of them in a meeting! It was early on for me, and I didn't realize that it would be a rare sight to see other people my age, with my lifestyle. I still wonder about her... because she hasn't been back, and I no longer see her at functions for kids either.
I didn't have to worry about running into people I knew, and I've thought of that on occasion, when I see others run into school mates or work associates. I never went to school here, I never had a "real job" here. I didn't go to church, or even leave the house except to get groceries and booze. My daughter was 6 months old when I decided to start drinking after she went to bed, and it got worse and worse from there. Finally - during the last 9 months or so, and by now she was 2, I was drinking all the time... 1 glass per hour... trying to just maintain all day long. It was a lot of work, cuz I really just wanted to check out and get smashed. By 7 or 8 I would give in because my husband was home, and my kids were safe. But toward the end, I was so sick, and my brain was so fried, I was just a ghost of what my kids... especially my 5 yr old son... once knew.
Looking back on it now, I see that the isolation, the untreated postpartum depression (something I wouldn't even admit to having), was just me being selfish and self centered. I didn't think anyone was good enough for my kids but me. I wouldn't leave them with anyone, I wouldn't get a babysitter, I wouldn't leave them with my husband.... NO one but me could care for them perfectly. And I wouldn't get help for my overwhelming feelings of sadness and anger. I stuffed them down, telling myself I was too good to get something like that. No one was going to tell me there was anything wrong with me! I was perfect! Super mom! Running the kids activities just fine... doing more than the rest... until one day I wasn't. I wasn't doing anything but surviving... barely.
So anyway... not to fly off on another tangent... but my point is: It's a great topic to think about Mark. I am seeing now that everyone that comes through the doors isn't ready to stay... or hasn't been given the gift just yet. It's disheartening, frightening, but most of all gives me the overwhelming joy and gratitude for what I have today. I am so grateful for this MIP board, AA, my HP and my new life.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
In my case ,the ones I left behind just didn't make it. At minimum,7 at least of my friends(people I used with)including my best friend are no longer living(passed early in my recovery).My buddy since 1st grade in school(1955)committed suicide the night we came home from a bar(it still took me another 6 years to surrender).The others through overdoses,drug related crimes and accidents while twisted,(2 of them also suicides)never had the opportunity to start a program.I will say a couple others did find sobriety through their own means but I have lost all contact with them and not sure if they remained in sobriety...It was difficult for me early in recovery as I was still working in Rock/roll bands and players were using one substance or another and all used alcohol.I also was memeber of a gun club(most hard drinkers so my environment was the first struggle I had to lose soon after I began my recovery.I am actually working with some guys in a musical situation where the bass player is in denial about his drinking..Remember these statements"hey I only drank 4 beers tonight" or I was too sick for work today or "what the heck happened last night? Man,talk about the monster rearing its head(I am available to take him to his first meeting,hopefully he'll become ready)..Probably the longest,lonliest couple years of early recovery for me was detaching from the only environment I knew from a young kid of 11/12,everybody used on the block.......I truly thank my Higher Power for what I know as my last opportunity to go on to the same jails.institutions,deriliction or death or find that new way to live/There are many different roads to recovery,the 12 steps of our program instilled and practiced daily in all areas of my life ,guided by the God of my understanding has truly saved my life.WE continue to pray for the still sick and suffering in and out of the rooms and know that not all will find the way.I still know some who come and go thru the rooms and for me I can only carry our message of hope and our promise of freedom.I can only minister our word and I let the spirit of our Higher Powers do the convicting! Thanks for the share Mark,as I look back I can only be so truly grateful that Just For Today I never have to usse again and that thru my actions,attitudes and behaviors someone may want to come and grab a seat next to me, sharing our message of HOPE! Peace.....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
pinkchip wrote:So for anyone worried about leaving your drinking buddies behind by coming into AA. For one or more of them you may wind up holding their seat.
Funny you should mention that, Mark. Jim, my first sponsor, was the person holding onto my seat, literally. I guess my drinking wasn't such a secret after all.
We were drinking buddies for a period of time before he abruptly disappeared. I always wondered what became of him. Little did I know he was in recovery now.
Soon after my first meeting, I saw his smiley face once again. He was sitting quietly in the front row as he usually did. This was his initial reaction: "Well, it's about time you got here. I've been holding this seat for you" That was over 11 years ago -thanks be to God, but the memory of that day still lingers on.
My first sponsor died suddenly from cancer a little over 5 years ago, but he'll always be remembered as the person who held my seat. God rest his soul. Thanks for stirring up old memories.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 16th of October 2012 01:28:18 AM
Nice revelation Mark! I haven't seen to many of my old drinking buddies hit the scene YET, but there's always time. Maybe I was just the one who wound up with Alcoholism. Don't know. Doesn't matter today. I'm making new friends here in The Program. It's been a slow process, but it's moving in a forward direction. At times, I kinda like being by myself. It's nice, never been independent. I was always dependent on others.
It is wonderful that you are happy for them. Here's another thought: sometimes they surpass us in growth too! If we can be happy about that, we've really achieved humility. An even bigger one: An ex who abused you comes into the rooms and becomes very popular and coddled while everyone in there believes the malacky he told them about you. You know he's a psychopathic. If you can be happy he's sober, that's mountains of growth.
