Today was going to be a banner day in my life. A changing day, as Dr Phil likes to say.... We were going to court, my son and I, before the judge to have my legal guardianship finalized. Due to the fact that he is a vulernable adult, forever a man-child, he needs a guardian to help him navigate life and ensure his health and safety needs are met. I even wrote that in the paperwork (not the man-child part) that I filled out myself, no lawyer involved. How good am I, that I can navigate the legal system without a lawyer??? How good am I that I cleaned up my act well enough to honestly say I am fit to take on this legal responsibility now that I am clean and sober???? How good am I that was deemed fit by the Guardian ad Litem (the person assigned by the court to determine if indeed my son needs a guardian and am I fit to act as such)??? How good am I...... WHOAAA......
Now, I must admit I didn't come by the following on my own, but this is what happened this morning, and the answer I have received.
I was getting us ready to leave for court, my son was fed and showered, sitting on the couch watching TV in his robe. All I had to do was dress him, brush his teeth, and he would be ready. I was upstairs, finishing getting myself ready. I came downstairs, and noticed that my son was leaning over, kind of like he had layed down on the couch, but not quite all the way. Damn!!! I told him not to lay down, his hair was still wet and I didn't want it messed up. As I got closer to him, I realized there was a pile of drool on the couch, and his eyes were fluttering, like they were trying to focus. Damn!!! He had a seizure. Now this isn't the first one he's had, and he is typically fine after a few hours. It is still disheartening when they happen, and honestly they are difficult to see, as I am absolutely helpless to do anything but protect him as best I can from hurting himself during the "event", as the Drs. say.
What about court??? We were due there in 45 mins and there was no way I could take him. I had no one to stay with him. My husband was at work an hour away and my daughter lives an hour away. I have lots of AA friends, but no one I would ask to stay with him after a seizure. So I made sure he was quiet and comfortable, loved him some, and cancelled court. I was assured by the court appointed Guardian that all would be ok, that she gained a continuance and the judge understood. I cried on my friends shoulder for a bit (she was supposed to go with us to court), and I kept my son still and quiet till he fell asleep for a bit.
I did a guided meditation tape I have, and read a chapter in a book called "Recovery, The Sacred Art". The chapter I was on was about Step 4, and talked about pride as a character defect that tends to be a glaring defect of character for most addicts (of any type). Then Ryan was up and about, feeling better and looking for his ipad. I took him upstairs and we laid in my bed, him with his ipad and me, just "cogitating", as my Grandfather used to say. I feel asleep. And I woke up knowing this....
It is not I who accomplished any of the things that were required for me to get to the point of being determined to be a fit guardian for my son. It is through the grace of my God that I was able to navigate the legal system to fill out and file the paperwork required, to follow the directions I was given by the court. It is through his/her/it's grace that I am able to honestly say that I am fit today to be his legal guardian. I am his mother by default, he's stuck with me on that one. It is through the grace of my God that I am clean and sober today, and not running from myself or my reaponsibilities anymore.
And it is through this simple program, the fact that it has brought faith into my life, and the spiritual path I am on that I can learn this lesson I needed to be taught. I am not doing anything, we are.
Soooo, Ryan's ok, court is continued until next week, and, God willing, we will make it there on time and the judge will approve the recommendations made. Thanks all to those of you who took the time to read my ramble. Peace
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
Navigating the extreme difficulties of life, with a clear mind. You are awesome. A crisis hits, and it is you that takes control for your son. Could the program offer a more valuable solution? Prayers sent for your son;s continued health. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Nezy, very admirable what you are doing with your son. I worked with developmentally delayed adults for a long time. It's difficult. Seizures were so common and they never stopped being scary. Glad you can be present and responsible. Esteem comes from doing esteemable acts and that is what you are doing.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Wow...that was quite an ordeal, Kelley. I hope your son feels better soon. It must have been frightening, though to say the least. I mean, watching all that unfold would probably scare just about anyone, but not you. I'm so impressed by your situational skills even under difficult circumstances. You had enough composure to deal with the problem effectively, and that's no easy task. So be proud of that, okay. Your thread has certainly taught us a lot, especially about our pride and ego. I hope you teach us more in the coming years. So keep those posts coming for now. It helps to keep us sober.
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 13th of October 2012 02:06:30 AM
I was on a 3 hour shopping spree tonight, trying to get all the holiday shopping done and out of the way before the rush of people coming soon. It gets overwhelming, and I sat down in the store and read this post on my phone. What an awesome connection we have here at MIP - It was just the pick me up (literally) I needed. Better than coffee, better than alcohol, better than... hmmm... shopping lol. I put a few things back, that were no longer in line with my values (ooooops, our values, mine and His) and realized what really matters. It's sure not stuff. And especially not expensive stuff just meant to impress and nothing more. I think it's going to be a different kinda Christmas this year : ) Thanks for the post!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Great share Nezy, with depth and weight. And great humility putting the credit where it belongs, with God. It is indeed miraculous what a recovered alcoholic can deal with provided he/she is willing to maintain a certain simple attitude....
Thanks to all for your responses. It was all a kind of surreal thing, to be sure. One thing I have been taught in AA is to look for the message in all things that happen. Sometimes it's a good one, sometimes not. But if we can see it, we can learn and grow from it.
When I started the guardianship process, my greatest emotion was fear, and I could identify that. I was fearful that my past would come back to bite me, and I would be deemed unfit. Truth be told, there was a time when I was unfit. But that is no longer the case. I shared my fear at my homegroup meetings, and it was lessened. As the process went on, the fear was no longer present, and again, I could identify that.
What I did not realize, until what happened on Friday, was that the fear was being replaced by pride and ego. My HP even went a little easy on me, to teach me the lesson I needed to learn. I found Ryan as he was coming out of the seizure, and didn't have to observe it. I am grateful for that. He was sitting on the couch, a nice soft, safe spot, so he wasn't injured in any way. I had the where with all to make the calls I needed to make and do what I needed to do to let the courts know why we would not be present. The judge and the Guardian ad Litem were very understanding. A continuance was granted, and we are supposed to go this Friday. The Guardian ad Litem recommended I have a back up plan, just in case....
Once I was sure Ryan was quiet and asleep, I did what I have been taught, and prayed to know God's will for me and to have the power to carry that out , and had my meditation time. This is my second time reading this book I am reading, so I gained a better perspective on what the author was trying to teach. It just so happened that I was reading about pride and ego??? Probably not.
I didn't intend to fall asleep, rather just have some quiet time in appreciation with my son that he was ok. Just to love him and let him know that he is loved. But I did fall asleep, and when I woke up, this sense of knowing was with me. The realization as I described it, that it was through the grace of my God that things were coming together as they are. My HP guiding and directing me, just as I have been praying for. Knowledge of his/her/it's will for me and the power to carry that out. I guess that's one of those God shots people describe.
So thanks again for supporting me. Ryan is feeling fine, back to his normal routines and seems none the worse for the wear, so to speak. And I have been humbled, as I needed to be. Pride and ego are some sneaky character defects, to be sure..... (((((hugs))))) and Peace
Just as an aside, my avatar is Ryan standing in the shadow of the sunlight....I just realized that as I reviewed my post
-- Edited by nezyb on Sunday 14th of October 2012 01:03:02 PM
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
We were going to court, my son and I, before the judge to have my legal guardianship finalized. Due to the fact that he is a vulernable adult, forever a man-child, he needs a guardian to help him navigate life and ensure his health and safety needs are met. I even wrote that in the paperwork (not the man-child part) that I filled out myself, no lawyer involved. How good am I, that I can navigate the legal system without a lawyer??? How good am I that I cleaned up my act well enough to honestly say I am fit to take on this legal responsibility now that I am clean and sober???? How good am I that was deemed fit by the Guardian ad Litem (the person assigned by the court to determine if indeed my son needs a guardian and am I fit to act as such)??? How good am I...... WHOAAA......
