justadrunk wrote:

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Welcome! You have said a lot right there - congrats and bravo - the bravery and honesty you've shown is a great start!

There will be a google AA & your city search in order for you - or simply call the hotline... someone may even take you to your first meeting if you ask. We all know how frightening it can be in the beginning. There are so many kind souls ready and willing to help you.

I am fairly new at 6 months - there is a lot of sobriety and wisdom here on this site. I think you're in the right place : )

Some of the others will chime in to help and answer your questions better - so keep checking back! WELCOME!

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You've done a wonderful job already, Tasha -even at 6 months sober. As she already said Jaywolf: Welcome to M.I.P. A place where miracles do happen.

Welcome Jaywolf, ... ...

You've received some great info already ... but for sure go to a meeting ... every meeting I've been to welcomes
new-comers readily ... in fact, our step twelve suggests that we carry our message to the alcoholics who still suffer ...

If it hasn't been too long since you detoxed yourself, more than a few months lets say, then I agree with Tom that
you probably don't need to go to a detox center ... if you know what to expect and can get through it, go for it ...
have some sweets daily and carry some candy with you daily to help ease the alcohol cravings ... go to some
meetings and just listen at first ... once you get to know the AA 'way of life' and work the program, you'll want to
make it a part of your life too I'm sure ... It'll open up a new world to you that you don't even know exists, it's great ...

and keep us updated as to your progress ... and we can answer a lot of questions you may feel hesitant to ask 'face-
to-face' ...

Glad to have you here and God Bless,
Pappy

Jay, do you live in the states?

Hey Jay,

It is primarly, but there are some Brits on here as well.

Tom

Jaywolf - The program functions to welcome newcomers. I can say that being welcomed is about the last thing you have to worry about. They will welcome you with open arms. You never have to be alone in this again. I had the same exact experience as you regarding my quitting on my own. I would go for a month....one time even 4 months (right before my last relapse) and when that happened, the drinking got worse and never better. The literature also supports this.

From Chapter 3 of the big book on more about alcoholism:

"We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better."

I remember reading and hearing this stuff and being awestruck at how they managed to write exactly what I went through in a book from the 1930s...LOL. I knew there were other alcoholics out there, but I had no idea we really shared the same experience at the core and, therefore, I could recover if I just did what these people did. Wow. What a concept.

You sound like you are at the perfect "jumping off point." By this I mean that you have progressed just far enough to know that this has to work. You've tried other ways and they didn't work. Your ego is deflated. You are ready.

The only thing I would suggest is that as you start pondering step 1, you take a deeper look at how your life is unmanageable in other ways. If you think that your drinking has not affected your family, career, and maybe even your education, you are wrong. Just because youd didn't lose those things doesn't mean they aren't starting to fall apart. You could get fired any day (even for something unrelated to drinking)...Similarly, you have little control over your family. Believe that you have power over things you do not is a great myth suffered by many alcoholics. You have made a great start in admitting you are powerless over alcohol. You also have to acknowledge it makes your life unmanageable and then you have the basics of step 1. You are not God and not the master of your work place, family..etc. What little control you may have had over those things has been compromised by alcohol and that is something that does make your life unmanageable correct?

I still had a job, a house etc...when I came to AA. But, I was barely hanging on and I functioned under the illusion that my drinking was only hurting me for a long long time. That was not true for me and I only really realized how much it messed up everything as I progressed in the program and started to change.

Welcome again, and hope you continue to share your progress with us!

Mark

Thank you all so much for the amazing encouragement and words of wisdom as I embrace this new path. Mark, your insight on Chapter 3 is spot on. I've tried so many times to quit, but all it does is allow for the cravings and desires to build, so that I indulge heavier than I was before I quite. I never understood this until now... The hardest part in this "awakening" for me (at this point) is coming to the realization that I'm weak and powerless against this. All my life I've considered myself a strong man who is (was) in control of my own destiny. While it hurts to admit now that I am not (and never were), I'm now concerned about telling those I love dearly about this. How will they perceive this new revelation in my life? Will they think me weak? Will they judge me? I have not opened up to anyone close to me yet about this epiphany. Only myself, God, and what few kind people I have met on this forum. My question then is two fold A) are these feelings of fearing what other people will think of me normal? While I feel better in admitting that I am an alcoholic, I don't feel strong enough in my confidence level to face family and loved ones about it. Needless to say, I'm worried about what they'll think of me. B) How did you all handle this aspect? I appreciate your continued support.

Yes, I agree with Pappy - and also - as you do now, I felt so afraid to be judged, to be viewed differently. I didn't know how it could be possible to ever admit my alcoholism to those close to me, but felt somehow that being open and honest about it would be the right thing. This seemed like an impossible situation. One that would always remain. No real good answer ever came to me in all of my questions just like yours.

Finally - TIME - and working the program answered that question, and alleviated my fears. I didn't have to tell people after all. I soon realized in doing the steps that everything wasn't about me anyway. Other peoples lives were just the same, and have seldom been better in the simple acknowledgement of some word that happens to describe me, but carries a social stigma. Who I become in working the steps and this program, allows me to feel the confidence that sustains serenity for me now. Alcoholism is just a word. It's not who I am. I have brown hair, hazel eyes - and alcoholism. Okay - so? I don't go around feeling like people NEED to know I love purple nail polish! I don't announce that I have dry skin! Finally I realized - it's a big deal to admit to myself that I am powerless over alcohol. It's huge. For me. For others in AA. For my family and friends? Well - if they ask - I would be honest, but I don't need to go around announcing it, to recover from it, just like I don't need to announce I have dry skin before I put lotion on it.

What I find DOES affect my life, and other peoples lives, is who I chose to be today. The steps and actions I take to do the next right thing, define me today. I represent - to the best of my ability - the qualities that my Higher power has, and that became clear to me through a spiritual awakening... brought about by working the steps - reading the big book - talking to a sponsor - going to meetings.

I can tell myself all day long not to give into my disease. There are some programs out there, that focus completely on that. The program of AA sets the stage for you to have a complete transformation - ironically - into who you already are deep inside of you. All of the things you were always meant to be, but have gotten muddy and transformed through a debilitating thing - alcoholism.

A perfect example comes to mind tonight - when presented with the opportunity to slam someone in my life who caused me some pain not that long ago. In the past - I would have been ALL OVER IT! I would have thrown so many punches, I would probably hit myself at some point not even knowing it. Just out of control - rage and hate run ramped - over something small, and silly - just another person trying to recover actually.

Today, I got to demonstrate who I was meant to be. A person who can reach inside and find love and tolerance for those who have harmed me - I can find the good even in those people. I can commend them for their strengths, amidst an opportunity to throw them under the bus. I can validate how someone else may feel hurt by someone in the same ways as me, without giving into spitting and sputtering - character assassination or any hurt towards anyone.

It doesn't matter if they'll ever know.
It doesn't matter if anyone else will ever know but me & my HP.

I don't have to feel the guilt anymore. I don't have to feel ashamed and sickened by myself anymore. I can hold my head up, sleep at night - do my Higher Powers will to the best of my ability at every opportunity. When I make mistakes, and partake in old ways - it only holds me back from who I was meant to be... the real gift we have here, the true people we are inside, the gift we are.

Beyond this - comes gratitude. For this life. For this opportunity to grow. For the true friendships.

What this program has given me - is ME back. It's also given me some faith - some peace - some love - some laughter - and this opportunity to meet you : ) You seem like a smart - soul searching person. I hope you continue on in that journey.

Hi, I felt the same way when I first came to AA and I think a lot of people do.  The meetings are the best place to go, but like anywhere you want to be careful, while the people will help you, youve got to remember that your in a group of stangers, but its no reason to hide from them, the people at your local AA group will probably welcome you well, I never had a problem when I wasnt even aware of what was going on, I was paranoid and thinking I was dying and the whole bit, but the attending helped and now Im doing a lot better...Hope you find a meeting soon.  Lots of people had the same fears before attending, I know I did.

closer