I'm worried about tomorrow night (Friday). Friday begins my binges. Originally I typied "usually begins my binges," but that is not true. It always does. After a full (if I didn't call in hung-over) week of work, I deserve a beer, right? I am going to a ball game (Cards). I've never been inside a stadium sober, at least not for long. I thought about cancelling, just to not have to confront the temptation. I also get anxious in large crowds, so it makes the $500.00 (minor exaggeration) beers even more of a crutch. The decent news is that the people I am going with are not drinkers. While I love these people, it has been one of the reason we don't get together more often. I have preferred my "drinking" friends. A sad truth I am not proud of.
I am just going to try to stay strong and remember how I feel after I drink, and the reason I must quit.
Hi Sorrowfloats. Keep yourself strong and remember why you dont want to drink, there are too many consequences. It's a good thing your going with sober people to the ball game, itll probably be less tempting to take a drink. Remember those hangover mornings and how much better it is to wake up feeling sober. Stick around the forum if you want, lots of good stuff on here.
Hi Sorrowfloats. Keep yourself strong and remember why you dont want to drink, there are too many consequences. It's a good thing your going with sober people to the ball game, itll probably be less tempting to take a drink. Remember those hangover mornings and how much better it is to wake up feeling sober. Stick around the forum if you want, lots of good stuff on here.
closer.
I agree, Brian. M.I.P. is just the place for you. Welcome Daisy...
I wouldn't have thought that it was possible a couple of years ago, but it turned out there is, and it is better than I ever dreamed of. Freedom is a wonderful thing, and freedom from self loathing the best thing of all.
Stick around and have a look. You never need drink again if you really don't want to.
Hi Sorrow, Enjoy the game while sober; you might notice the beautiful weather, the happy families, the great taste of the hotdogs, the fun of the situation. I am always amazed how many beautiful and amazing moments are around us when we aren't numbed. And tomorrow when you wake up, your most likely going to feel great!
Welcome to MIP ... ... ... If you honestly want to quit drinking, toss the 'ball game' ... you stated that they don't 'usually' start your binges, that they ALWAYS start your binges ... ... ... and you're going to the game tonight is a temptation far greater than I could do without drinking ... especially this early in sobriety ... your choice ...
If you are serious about getting and staying clean, then forget the game and go to an AA meeting ... Once you've worked the program and are on stable ground, THEN, you may be able to go to any game you wish with impunity ... but it takes time to achieve the goal of 'the desire to drink' being lifted ...
Time to choose ... (hope you don't have to call in sick Monday)
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Have you been to a meeting yet? When I came into AA, I was so scared to death to drink that I only ventured from home to work to meetings and back home. It's very early on for you. I started adding normal activities gradually and I called my sponsor before and after those activities (a strategy called bookending for when you know you are going to be in a difficult or tempting situation).
If you are determined to go, make sure your friends know what you are doing if, indeed they do care about you and are nondrinkers. Ordinarily I would say it's nobody's business, but it don't read that you have a sponsor or have been to meetings and our general view is that you cannot do this on yhour own.
You keep saying "I'm going to be strong!" Well...none of us got long term sobriety by "being strong." I venture to say most oll of us got it by breaking down, going to AA, taking suggestions, and getting help a day at a time. The strength is in the surrender and in relying on others instead of self-will or "will-power."
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I have been in this situation many times before, and I have usually succumb to the desire to drink. Behavior that always includes drinking is likely going to be miserable without drinking, at least at first. I support Pappy's suggestion of going to an AA meeting. Or, try something you have never done before - like going to the movies alone, or making a big dinner for yourself. Have a night in and treat yourself to something really special that WON'T make you wake up tomorrow feeling like shit and hating yourself. Then at least you will be creating new experiences without the alcohol.
I give this advice having had a really difficult night last night. I was almost dizzy with the desire to drink. I wanted it SO bad, but I came on this board and wrote my way through it. When I woke up this morning I felt equally proud of myself. I agree with everyone who said that coming back to this board and both writing and reading is a great idea. We may all be separated by made-up screen names, distances, and general anonymity, but I have learned since visiting this site that the people here know something about me that the majority of the closest people in my life do not: what it feels like to suffer with alcoholism.
That, above all else, should make you know that everyone here is rooting for you.
Good luck, and please check in again this weekend. And please continue writing even if your whole plan is botched.
-Adam
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
None of us knows whats in your head and in your heart. We only see a glimpse of how you feel and a small insight as to how scared you are. How tempted are you in these situations, how serious you are about getting sober. Listen to yourself, listen to your heart and you will find your answer. If you truly feel you may be tempted and will not be strong enough to say no, then skip it and let an aa meeting or this board be your strength this early on for you. Again, I can't see inside of you to know. Be honest with yourself and choose wisely. I presonally needed to be with friends from the beginning but my closest friends I told outright about what I was doing and they have all been very supportive so I wasn't put in a situation where I had to choose from "outing myself" or having a beer or making up a lie about it like "I'm on antibiotics and can't drink with them" If this is something that your serious about and really want to change and these are people who care about you, maybe consider letting them know, again just a thought. They might surprise you. Good luck to you. If you decide to stay home I am sure there will be a lot of us online tonight. This is my 4th friday night sober and trust me that I will feel great in the morning!!!! Join me in that!!!
Hey there Adam, ... ... Hang in there buddy, the 'desire to drink' will come in waves ... be strong and pray and you'll get to the point where the 'desire to drink' will be lifted ... when I first stopped, it seemed as though I had all this 'time' on my hands ... it helps to get busy like you did in your post ... congrats ... (I wound up with the cleanest house on the block ... LOL) ... King Alcohol is trying to not lose you ...
he wants you to come back to his slavery ... he wants to 'think' for you ... our program gives us the avenue to 'think' new ways ... don't
let the 'old thinking' gitcha' ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I remember in my first couple of months I was worried about going to a dinner that I had set up. I really didn't feel I could say no. Anyway, an old-timer gave he his phone number and said "One condition: if you feel like drinking give me a call. It doesn't matter what time. If you can persuade me that you need a drink, then I'll come and have a drink with you." lol
As it happened, I never did to call him. BTW, nobody has ever persuaded him that they need a drink and they never will, since nobody ever needs a drink. ;)
On a serious side, sorrowfloats, the *ONLY* way that I was able to have access to such Rock of Gibraltar support was by going to meetings and engaging with the Fellowship of AA. Anybody else would have just told me to buck up or to shut up.
And thanks for all the responses...it really does make a difference. I did go to the ball game last night, and I didn't drink. Small victory. Maybe my first post was not clear, a ball game doesn't start a binge, the mere fact that it is Friday starts one. And I prefer to drink in my house. I'll drink "socially" in public, but I wait until I get home to really tie one on...the majority of the time, anyway. Afterall, not everyone needs to know the severity of my drinking. Only my immediate family, the people I love the most in the world. Ironic.
Anyway...I was scared this am, b/c not drinking last night was not a big deal. I really wasn't even that tempted. Just like when I start dieting...I am so gung-ho at first...then something happens...and I get a case of the "fuck-it's." So, I am well aware of my own MO. And I know I cannot do this on my own. So, I went to my first meeting this am. I didn't say anymore than my name, I just cried through the whole thing. It was humbling, supportive, sad, and good...I felt lighter somehow after just releasing the tears. Starting to be truly honest with myself is a scary thing. So now it begins.
LOL, ... ... ... Daisy, We all go throw the 'f - it' stage ... it lasted about a year for me ... our program IS simple, but not necessarily easy ... it is so easy to get depressed over little things early in sobriety that the easy way out is just to say 'f - it' and go back to drinking ... I think most of us have done that, I know I did ... but in the end, I found out that having a drink never did anything but make a bad situation worse ...
Congrats on staying sober last night ... that should help your resolve and make it easier to do the same thing for 'today' ... All you have to do, is make it through 'today' without a drink, go to a meeting, and sit back and read out of the BB ... simple ... Tomorrow you may decide to drink all you want, just not 'today' ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Even bigger congrats on going to that 1 meeting! Wow! That is SUCH a big step! Just keep coming back and it will work out. I drank the way you are describing also...always really tying one on only at home. I tried to take that act back out to the bars and a drunk driving crash ensued rather quickly after having progressed in the disease through years of "home drinking" til I was wasted, stumbling, and passing out.
I cried so hard my first meeting...People surrounded me with love and I kept coming back. It's been 4 years now without a drink. You can do this with AA and your Higher Power.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
