It's funny how some days seem to be easy and some are just so damn hard. And yet I feel almost stupid for thinking that when I look back on yesterday and tried to pinpoint why I was so tempted. Today the reasons seem so minute as compared to others problems but I had a hard day anyways. A whole lot of little things, mostly people bugging the hell out of me (parents), that added up to a whole lot of nothing when I think about it. Even so, I stopped by my boyfriends shop late last night completely frustrated and I said to him "its days like this that make me want to drink, but I'm not going to". And I didn't. But I wanted to. I found myself reasoning with myself about why I should before I even realized I was doing it. I immediately told myself to shut up and drive home like a good girl. So, I went home and went to bed sober. But it was hard. Today has been much better, I didn't even think about alcohol until I sat down to write this post. I guess I just want to tell the new people (lol ok I am really new but the just days old peopel) that we all struggle somedays but we can make it through!!! It's hard but its just one day before you are on to the next!!
Don't sweat the small stuff ... once our old way of thinking has been replaced, all the stuff that seemed to get 'under our skin' is small stuff ... and once we realize that, then we can move toward enjoying life ... what used to be important is not ... and the little
things we took foregranted become the moments we now cherish ...
Love ya,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I remember the first time I could say to my husband jokingly: "I broke a glass jar, the kids wanted to play in it, the sheep got onto the road, the shed blew down and almost hit me, the supper is burned cuz I was trapped in the barn, I had to crawl through the goat door and lots of shit to get out, the kids want candy for supper, you're late again, my Mom called twice, and I can't get the lid off this jar!!!!!!! As he walks over exhausted from his own day to help me. I look up and say - for the first time ever - "I just want to drink". And he looks at me... pleased... because I'd never said it out loud to him before. I hid it, lied about it, never spoke a word of alcohol... and to say it out loud, to him... wow... it was amazing. I knew that was a real turning point. We both did.
He gave me a hug and told me for the first time that he was proud of me. I was a few weeks sober at the time like you. It was then that I felt the power of honesty & openness and the power of what it could do for my husband and I. We have been together 7 yrs like you. We have never ever been honest with each other - we have always both been hiding something from each other - for him it was smoking for the first 5 yrs. Around the time he quit that because of being found out - my drinking started and escalated for next 2 yrs, until 6 months ago.
We are starting over - relearning about each other - finding out how to love and trust - showing each other we care - trying as hard as we can - discovering how we can compliment each other - avoiding the ways we know to push the buttons - not throwing past hurts at each other (too much)... simply starting over.
Except now we have 2 kids - a hobby farm to run together - and this whole woven together life we were living together in a fog. It's as if we just met though. We still like each other luckily : )
Or maybe I don't believe in luck anymore ; )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
How did you get and stay sober for 22 years? ... And what made you think you could take a couple of drinks recently? ... I certainly don't know the whole stroy, but everytime I tried to have just a couple drinks, after being sober a while, I always ended up drunk, real soon, within days ... I might could have done what you did a couple of times, but sooner or later I got drunk ... I always had to have more ...
Glad your here ... and I sense you didn't just drop in to tell us your success story ... I sense and underling concern on your part ... Do you feel you can drink as you please or are you in fear of the alcohol taking over your life again ??? ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
