I've noticed lately that around this time of the month - right on my month marker (yesterday was 6 months sober for me) - that I get VEEERRRRRy cranky. My blood is boiling because I blinked, my husband is annoying because he has less gray hairs, my kids are too loud - too quiet - too cute.
It helps me to think of some of the other things that are significantly healthier in my life these days - since finding recovery.
For one, my PMS is actually identifiable, and I can talk about it. I'm not too drunk to notice, and I'm not isolating or afraid to be me during that time. I get to deal with it using the tools I've been given, and know it's part of life... why there is life.
Some of the things that I have noticed getting better lately are: I shop less, think things through - decide if I truly need it - work with a budget - ask my husband what he thinks instead of just impulsively buying whatever I want - thinking it will make me feel better - look better - appear happier - maybe trick myself into thinking stuff is the answer - that stuff is actually more than being just stuff. It isn't.
I take really good care of my feet. I let my feet get really dry and cracked to the point it was painful to walk when I was drinking. My nails were atrocious - I can't really do much to care for them on my own, due to other things - so I now go in for a weekly pedicure. It's hard to not feel vain and indulgent. I've overcome that - even the spending money on myself for medical things part - well, It's progress anyway. I get my eye check ups & teeth cleanings on time - I don't try and push them off to not spend the money on myself. I feel worthy of health care these days - and created equally - therefore, I deserve to walk on healthy feet - have fresh contacts or glasses - and healthy gums. I'm still avoiding the doctor - and I'm still avoiding back surgery. But I've come a long way.
I also chew my nails less. This form of self mutilating has been ongoing since I was small. I chew my lips and bite my nails, and they are so ugly that I'm embarrassed even to the children I teach at the piano. They are still ugly - but that doesn't really matter so much to me... they're just deformed now - but the fact that I'm not feeling the need to stick them in my mouth and bite - is really cool!
So overall - even PMS now is in the realm of something I can talk myself through - I can exercise a little - make a gratitude list like this - or just feel it, and know: this too shall pass.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Wednesday 26th of September 2012 01:51:12 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Not only is this God's grace and the program working....but on a simple level - it's you using your time productively instead of self-sabotaging. The energy, good deeds (for you and others), and karma you have is going to be massively shifting. It's already working that way!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Sounds like solid recovery to me Tasha! For me, recovery was progressive, just like the diesase was progressive- in the opposite direction. Recovery in mind, body, spirits and soul came slowly and keep developing over time in God Grace and time- not mine. The BB tells us once we take care Spiritually, we start to take care physically and mentally. Very apparent in your post.
To me, it doesn't matter a whole lot regarding what's on the outside ... (meaning the look of your fingers, toes, lips, eyes, whatever) it's what's on the 'inside' that counts ... that's where the heart is ... that's where the 'real' you exists ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Tasha,
Glad to hear you're taking care of yourself :) It's great that our taking care of ourselves can find its way into many facets of our lives once we have the time, energy, and presence to do so. I've lost almost 20 pounds since deciding to go into recovery, and I credit that to facing the parts of myself I want to improve and now cannot run away from. Anyway, keep up with the great work and good luck with the continued journey.
-Adam
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
Lol Tasha! Yes the pms thing hits home for me, as well. It's only been 4 months for me, so every month I'm still all "gosh, WHY am I so BITCHY today??" hahaha at 36 I'm now just getting in tune with my body. Also something I've noticed is things like hunger and being tired that I never used to pay attention to ( i was at the point where eating food was considered a waste of time, unless I was hungover and needed the salt) I can now recognize. Oh, I'm not losing my mind, I'm simply hungry or tired. So strange the things we used to overlook! Also, in my humble opinion, pedicures and manicures are NEVER a waste of $$.. Never:)
congrats on 6 months, thats awesome!! I just posted a new topic about my hard day yesterday and then I read your post. WELL......I think I just descovered why I was annoyed yesterday from you. I was attributing wanting a drink to my mood from pms lol. Everybody was getting on my nerves yesterday (and no I am not out of the woods yet) and I was so worked up I felt like drniknig would help. I didn't but I really thought about it. But thinking about it, being a women right now is exactly why I was so worked up. I can work with that. thanks Oh, and I agree with col, mani pedis are not a waste of money. I take my girls with me and we try to go once a month (I have 3) and they absolutely love it. They even put flowers on their fingers and don't charge extra, it always makes them feel special and it keeps them busy while I get pampered.
Oddly enough, my PMS seems more mild now. I think it is because I am not so spazzed out on the booze. It just intensified the worst parts of it for me. If I was a little down, booze brought me ever lower. If I was feeling cranky, booze brought out the full on rage. The only thing I miss about the booze is that it did help relax my body and eased the actual cramping. No worries though, so does a very warm bath and a hot water bottle, and neither of those things cause hangovers. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
For me, recovery was progressive, just like the diesase was progressive- in the opposite direction. Recovery in mind, body, spirits and soul came slowly and keep developing over time in God Grace and time- not mine. The BB tells us once we take care Spiritually, we start to take care physically and mentally. Very apparent in your post.