This article was written by Hamish White a certified alcoholism and drug dependency counsellor
I used to really look forward to the holiday season. It was a time when drinking was accepted and expected. Lavish well stocked bars office parties and abounding eggnog become the welcome norm....
"Merry Christmas... what can I get you to drink?" and "Let's celebrate" were the festive greetings that I looked forward to in anticipation as I endeavoured to blend in with these other less experienced drinkers.
I would seem sober compared to their low-tolerenced reaction to Christmas libation. I was one of the crowd smiling and nodding to others as I loading up the shopping cart at the L.C.B.O. surrounded by others doing the same thing.
Oh happy times never mind that this was my third time stocking up for the Holidays obliterating a two week supply in two days.
Under Observation
My friend Bill describes his experience at Christmas time. He says there were several added pluses to the Noel season: "Secrets became the norm." he told me "I could smuggle in large bottles of Vodka in with the bundles of Christmas parcels. Cocaine could be out in the open in my bedroom mirror and the bedroom door could be locked because yes I was hiding something but everyone thought well hoped that I simply needed privacy to wrap 'their' gifts."
He went on to say "It was great for a drunk I could go out on a moments notice to 'get some ribbon' only to return later much later with a wonderful excuse on how I had just met my old pal Steve who was in town for the season and so we just had to 'catch up'".
He said it was much easier to get away and drink... "I could be absent for long periods without too much interrogation. Normally I had to account for my whereabouts to my skeptical and suspicious family but I could book three or four hours to 'Christmas shop.' Shop for 45 minutes at Shoppers or Grand and Toy and spend the rest my liberty with my cronies at the Pilot. Only to stagger home with glazed eyes and a complicated tale about my shopping exploits."
He says that because of his long history of drinking and lying about it "sneaking and creeping" as he puts it he was always "under observation". but during the holiday season he could buy some time under the guise of normal seasonal activities.
Sober Holidays!
Sober holidays for those of us in recovery can also present some problems. Thoughts can creep in like maybe I can just have one eggnog or what a happy time I know how to make it better or I feel lonely a drink or drug would sure pick me up.
Let your sponsor or friend in recovery know where you will be.
There are several techniques that I and others have found very helpful in maintaining sobriety and recovery during these sometime tempting and difficult times. Recently sober people are often confronted with drinking and using situations for the first time since they began their recoveries. There are solutions.
Plan your days. Let your sponsor or friend in recovery know where you will be and have that persons number with you just in case.
Plan B If you must attend a party or gathering where alcohol is being served...then have a Plan B... an escape route.
What usually happens is that you have a great time because the pressure to stay is off.
If you are with a friend or spouse then tell them before you go that you may feel uncomfortable around alcohol and that you need to be able to leave the party on a moments notice without having to explain why. In fact you can always have an alternative place to go -- like for a coffee or out to a movie.
With this arrangement negotiated when you arrive at the gathering tell your host or hosts that you can probably only stay for a short time but that you will know more in a while after you make a telephone call.
Then you are not obliged to stay and what usually happens is that you have a great time because the pressure to stay is off. If you are on your own make sure you have your sponsor's or a sober friend's phone number and that you know they will be home so that you can call or even meet with them if you feel the need. That's "Plan B."
Thanks I'd love a drink! What if someone asks you if you would like a drink and you don't particually feel like explaining to them that you have a disease that requires you not to drink one day at a time and that you are a recent graduate of the local dipsomania treatment centre.
Stay away from Christmas cake rum balls and dubious punches and eggnog.
What I do is say "What a good idea I would love a drink! Do you have a soda-water with lemon or a coca-cola? This allows me to say yes and get what I want as well. Very few people will press anything alcoholic on us but when they do I simply say "Not right now thank you but a coke would really hit the spot."
Stay away from Christmas cake rum balls and dubious punches and eggnog. Just a little of the old taste can start us urging for a more substantial dose.
A.A. still meets!
During the celebratory season A.A. continues to hold meetings. In fact many groups have Seasonal parties where food and fellowship abounds speakers talk of gratitude and of the real spirit of giving that is outlined in the 12th Step.
I may be on holiday but my chemical dependency does not take a holiday.
Members are warm and inviting and most are serene in the knowledge that there is a safe place for them to be. Anyone with a desire to stop drinking or to stay sober and clean is welcome.
Remember alcoholism and addiction are not only physical diseases they are also spiritual emotional and mental diseases. Which of course is what we are as people.
My alcoholism is as smart as I am and then just a little bit smarter. My alcoholism wants me to drink therefore it wants me to be in slippery places like wet Christmas or New Year parties. I have to be careful I have to out-smart my disease.
I need to be connected to sober people I need to be doing sober things going to sober places. I can't let the Christmas season be an excuse for a relapse. I may be on holiday but my chemical dependency does not take a holiday... ultimately the only way to say sober over the holidays is the same way I stay sober all year round that is one day at a time.
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
We all stay sober through doing what we need to every day. When you have a need all you have to do is ask and the help will be there. That is why we are all sober, to help the struggling alcoholic.
I lost this address and John F. sent me an email asking me to send cards to some struggling alcoholics in the Miracle house. I am very grateful to have heard from him.
I need to be connected to sober people I need to be doing sober things going to sober places. I can't let the Christmas season be an excuse for a relapse. I may be on holiday but my chemical dependency does not take a holiday... ultimately the only way to say sober over the holidays is the same way I stay sober all year round that is one day at a time.
Thanks for this share from Hamish White, I love this last paragraph, especially in the first few years of sobriety I needed to be with sober people doing sober things in sober places. That was a hard one, because my husband was still in active alcoholism and there was always a party somewhere that he was at and I wasn't. I remember a few of his company parties , oh, what a disaster, him drunk, me sober... not a great combination.Now it doesn't bother me to be at functions were there is drinking, but I don't stay long, and won't be going to any with the husband as he is locked up in a state treatment facility. Life goes on , and I have found I can have a good time without the alcohol, and most of my good times are at non-drinking places.I've come a long way from the bartender I was for so many years, and I don't miss it one bit. I'm a miracle...and this program and the grace of God has helped me. And it is a one day at a time deal.
Thanks Doll, have a great sober holiday ! Glad you are back Chris.
I just woke up and am getting the kids ready for school.
My wife and I are attempting preemptive strikes against potential alcoholics. When we see a kid who is in a potential situation, we invite them into our home. To visit, for dinner, to go to church, or even to live here. In that way, it helps me stay sober and help possibly prevent another potential alcoholic from having to go through the experience and all the damage it allows to happen.
Also, if you guys know of 1 or 2 men who need sponsoring, please, invite them to IM me.
