i'm a younger person who likes to drink (emphasis on likes)...i'm not someone who gets aggressive, violent, or any malevolent repercussions, maybe just acts stupid at the most part... I consider myself an alcoholic...i don't harm anyone and am a respectful person no matter what my state is...however, the only thing people see is my harm to myself...that's about it...i don't offend people, don't hurt people, don't do anything like that; just my friends' concerns...but i enjoy it...it's my own choice and i like it...i've thought about the idea of why i indulge myself sometimes and to be the most honest sometimes, i think people suck...i think i'm an amazing person and, after meeting the tons of people i have, i don't think anyone has the right to share my company with...maybe i'm too selfish...maybe i'm too sure of myself....i'm starting to find a dark side of myself and would like some advice...i think my kidneys are starting to hurt daily...i enjoy it though...i think there's a sense of suicidal tendencies definitely involved that i actually enjoy...it's on of the many conundrums i'm looking at...i don't want jesus to save my life, i'm just looking for like-minded people...
peace
If you think you have drinking problems, then you probably do ... AND if you think your drinking is not harming anyone, you need
to look a little deeper ... we are like tornados running through others lives and the damage we do can sometimes be irrepairable ...
If you want to improve your life, try going to an AA meeting and just listen ... go a few times to get the feel for it ... then you'll as least,
if nothing else, know that there's help available to you should you want to change and dump the booze ...
You sound like a smart kid ... most of us are ... but alcohol turns us into something different ... if you're as smart as I think you are,
then you'll seek help now while you have time to aviod the disasters we've been through ... there is a Hell in front of you that's begging
you to come join in ... it's painted with all kinds of promises to make you happy, but don't go there if you know what's good for you ...
there's a pain there that you cannot possibly imagine ... I know you said you like pain, but you ain't seen nothin' yet ...
Seek to get well my friend ... we're here to help any way we can ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Sound of drums(my favorite sound obviously as a drummer since I was old enough to banG something on something)
First thing I have come to realize ,based on my own evidence is SELF-CENTEREDNESS is the core of our illness. Also like stated,we may think we are not harming anyone but ourselves but our lifestyles and self centered behaviors leave a trail of hurt and pain,though we may not see it. Maybe there is more that people see then harm to yourself,sometimes our own denials can cause us to paint a picture of what we may think but not be true.This can all be conjecture,and this is my stuff based on my own 25 years of oblivion and wreakage. And yes its true people can be very trying at times and in a non-lucid state brought about by abusing alcohol false perceptions may also seem real(the delusions of getting twisted)You are reaching into a 'DARK" side you say and have unhealthy tendancies.Do you believe that using alcohol to bring you to another state of mind is helping those tendancies?Or as you say you may like it there and will have to go inside to really take a look.Recovery from any addiction is an inside job.It doesn't have to be Jesus or Buddha or for that matter and dogmatic belief in a religion or a group.WE do seek a Power greater than ourselves to help guide us and that Power only need be loving caring and greater than OURSELVES(could be our program right off the bat).It is also a process of coming to believe and may change many times over.WE do have a program A.A.(this is the site you are on) that offers a program based on abstinence,admission,surrender and acceptance for a beginning point toward recovery.BUT ,the decision is all yours if you are ready for that! No one can make that for you.I can only surmise that you are asking questions because you have concerns.WE don't really give advice,we share thru our experience ,strength and hope how we came to our own recoveries and what we do daily to ensure we remain in sobriety.I also wish you PEACE and can truly identify with some of your feelings,I entertained some of them myself. There will come a time when the PAIN OUTWEIGHS ANY PLEASURE...There will be an opportunity for you to make some decisions I will pray you choose to find a new way to live or or go on to where we know ALCOHOLISM will lead ,jails,instituitons,derliction or death,,,based on our own experience.Let us know how your doing okay WE are here for each other........
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
