Ashamed

sorrowfloats · Member

Ashamed

aliasisme · Veteran Member

We have all been there. I was exactly there 3 weeks ago, in total disbeleif that I could have done the things I did to the people I love. I didn't call in to work, I just showed up still drunk from before and almost lost my job. I didn't just park my car bad, I put a scratch down the entire side of it complete with dented door. Hate and ashamed were an understatement. And then there was a light, a helping hand that reached out and offered me assistance when I was at my lowest. The fellowship that I have found here and AA in general has been the godsend that I needed. 3 weeks ago I never would have thought I would be saying 3 weeks ago I took my last drink but I am and I am so greatful I did. Alcohol is what controls us in this disease and once I accepted that and wanted to stop I feel so much better.
I am not saying I am magically better, I struggle every day and its hard but with this program and the people I have met,no one is judging me they are just supporting me because they know what rock bottom looks like in there own way.

As many people have told me....You only need to have a desire to stop drinking to be a member. So if I screw up I know there will still be people rooting for me, takes a lot of the pressure off. so Welcome Sorrow and I hope you stay.

By the way, this is a list of meetings by state, its how I found meetings. I actually called the hotline the first time and they were able to give me a meeting to go to.

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/central_offices.cfm?origpage=373

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

I couldn't have said it better alias - and I'm happy for you! Sorrow - be brave - and accept the loving helping hand of AA. It's worth it!

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

And I don't know that I am strong enough to change. I guess this is (I hope this is) my bottom.

Welcome, we have all felt many of the same things you are going through. I think you come very close to taking the first step of AA in the statement you made above.

None of us where strong enough to change.....We had to admit we where powerless over alcohol and our lives where unmanageable. If we could have done it on our own we wouldn't be here.

When we believe the above we can begin the road to change, the main purpose of the AA program is to help you find a power greater than yourself which will help you solve you problem.

-- Edited by Rob84 on Monday 24th of September 2012 10:06:21 PM

AdamMoz · Senior Member

Hi sorrowfloats,

You know, I could have typed the paragraph you submitted on this board myself. I have literally had almost the exact same experience. Where the details are not the same, certainly the sentiments are. I cannot tell you how many times I have been too ashamed of myself to look into the mirror. I have had mornings where I agreed that I would not look into the mirror until I was fully sober and no longer hung over, because I knew that my life was in total disarray, that drinking had control of me, and that nothing would make it better except for time and the struggle of staying sober. I am by no means a long-time sober person - I haven't reached the point of trusting myself in the same room with alcohol yet - but I can tell you that the company of these people can serve as a little light when things feel overwhelmingly dark. Each one of us has had this struggle and many of us continue with it currently. Finding solidarity with others who have the same disease may not take away the desire for immediate escape that drinking provides, but I do think it severely lessens some of the horrible effects of alcohol that drive us to drink even more. So please stick with today's yearning to stop and know that you are not alone. I have never parked my car in my yard, but I have had to go pick it up from impound after a DUI, and every day I thank whatever it was that saved me from a worse situation for giving me a second chance. Actually, a third, fourth, and fifth chance - and that's a conservative estimate. As someone once said to me on this board, you owe it to yourself to come in from the storm and join the rest of us in solace.

Good luck.

-Adam

gonee · MIP Old Timer

I have been there. When I entered AA, I found so many others who felt like me. But more importantly, they had found a solution to their problem and were not ashamed any more. My biggest problem was loneliness and isolation, and the more I tried in the bottle to solve my problem, the worse I got.
When I got to AA, I could not believe that people actually laughed and shared the very same things I was ashamed of.

What is important to me today is what God knows of me. I am accountable to Him. If I fail today, then there is still tomorrow. The AA book says that God does not make too harsh a terms to those who seek Him.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

First off, Welcome sorrowfloats, ... ... ...

Alias posted a great share here ... I'm so proud to see her getting better ... follow what she suggested you do and you won't regret it ...
Hang in there, it does get better ... IF you're willing to follow a few simple suggestions ...

Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

To find a meeting you can do a google seach for "AA central Office_______" fill in the blank for the nearest major city in your area, the below link will give you states ypu can click on (assuming you are in the USA)

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/central_offices.cfm?origpage=373

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to M.I.P Daisy. We're here to help.

vixen · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP! The misery you described doesn't have to be your life anymore. Congrats on taking the first step to a new one.