Sorry to hear that Kathy. I have 3 cats. An 11 year old, a 2, and 1 year old. 2 years ago we lost our 15 year old. I stayed up several nights holding her head up so she could breathe and get some sleep. She didn't eat or drink for almost a week, and we took the vets recommendation and put her to sleep, which she resisted, it was hard. I cried a few times. I've lost a lot of humans and did shed a tear. Something about sobriety, makes us sensitive. Hang in there and you'll what to do when the time comes.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 22nd of September 2012 08:48:12 PM
I hate fear and powerlessness also...I scream at loss and I'm never sure about my responsibility in issues of life and death. 6 months ago I had two "rescue" ducklings...little guys and one "very" little. Never had duckers before. Do have two small dogs and did go thru one pup event which involved poisoning and made myself responsible to comfort her while going thru the vet series...she survived with residual effects. The two duckers; named one "Pinch" cause she wasn't very much of a duck...just a pinch of a duck and named the other one "Roodie". Roodie was larger and tailgated Pinch everywhere she went. Roodie passed away one night and the next day I went insane with loss and insecurity and grief and failure. I've never had a duck before not to mention two ducks from the same wild nest. When the ranting and yelling and crying was done I still had "The Pinch" and an attitude of detachment. Fool me once shame on you...Fool me twice shame on me so I went and put on the old coat of ego protection I use to wear out when practicing the disease and killed my expectations and emotions (no alcohol involved) I replaced fear with love and carried on with "Pincher" who is now almost a full ducker...pretty and most like a Princess Pinch. We spend alot of time together and she follows me better than the pups and seems more intellegent. I do my rescue responsibilities...feed, water, pool (yeppers she has her own pool) garden and fun and I do my part on a daily basis while watching her flight feathers starting to appear. She was after all created for flight and that is one other way of leaving which I would just love to see her do...fly and then make the decision on where she would like to land. This is fun, funny, joyful...every minute of it including having Roodie just outside my window next to the strawberries. I'm grateful. We get to do our part.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 23rd of September 2012 02:43:22 AM
My cat is really sick, but doesn't look it. She has a rare disease and she is diabetic. My partner and I are at our breaking point. It is difficult to care for her and she is having litter box issues. If any of you have had a cat you know this is the kiss of death. We are dealing on a day to day basis and lately it has been trying our patience to the millionth degree cubed. It has especially made me very angry, short, intolerant, crazy, mean, unkind, did I mention angry. I able to be kind and nice to everyone around me except my wife right now. Go figure. We worked it out. I know I am just thinking of the inevitable. It makes me crazy and angry. I prayed but God is not ready to let me know what he wants me to do. Part of me is pissed because I feel like I can't go on. On the other hand I am relieved because I do not want to let go of my cat who looks and acts pretty normal and full of life, but clearly isn't.
PS- Why do I cry uncontrollably when I see road kill?
Kathy - this has been a long battle for you, and I'm so sorry for your pain : (
I know what you mean about taking it out on the one closest to you... that sucks, but seems to be the case with me too. I sometimes feel like a ballerina spinning around all the time to apologize after I've turned away from him with my hands on my hips. Progress not perfection.
When I had to put my kitty down... we had been through so much "potty trouble" that the guilt was overwhelming when I realized a small part of me was also wishing it was just over.
He was my only constant companion through 14 yrs - watched me go from start to finish in my disease. Always purred my tears away. I miss him... he was the only one who knew the depths of how sick I was. He saw it ALL.
So he lives on inside of me, and he saw me through til I found sobriety - I believe he felt relief to see me okay before he had to go - and your kitty has seen the same of you. You're going to be okay in God's hands - stay close to Him.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Keeping you and your furry one in my thoughts and prayers.
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Sorry to hear that Kathy. I have 3 cats. An 11 year old, a 2, and 1 year old. 2 years ago we lost our 15 year old. I stayed up several nights holding her head up so she could breathe and get some sleep. She didn't eat or drink for almost a week, and we took the vets recommendation and put her to sleep, which she resisted, it was hard. I cried a few times. I've lost a lot of humans and did shed a tear. Something about sobriety, makes us sensitive. Hang in there and you'll what to do when the time comes.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 22nd of September 2012 08:48:12 PM
Like Dean said, hang in there. We're praying for you.
Kathy, this is one of your first emotionally trying situations in sobriety. Your HP is not going to give you more than you can handle. You are going to grow stronger and learn from this but only if you stay sober. I used to care more about animals, pets than people in some ways because I didn't have the coping skills to care for people (to care for myself most of all) in the right way. It's easier and simpler to care for animals because they are so innocent.
I have a dog that currently is diabetic and I am going to go give her her insulin shot right after I'm done writing this. She also has glaucoma, a rare skin disorder....she had one eye almost rupture and had to have it taken out and now has just 1 eye... She is a trooper though and still seems to be enjoying her life. It would be a lot to go through if I were newly sober. Stick with the program and you will be okay....Your HP will see to that.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I guys and gals. Geez, thanks. I needed to hear all of that. It is tough, but I know I will be ok. I have become so busy now that I am back to work and this week has been especially hard with the chaos at home with Mia and our other pets. I have not been able to post because I have been so busy, but I can't stop life. It goes on and on. But I know being here helps soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo......oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomuch. I need to be here. You are all so wonderful sharing your stories and lending a supportive ear and words. Today is a new day and I already am feeling better thanks to all of you. I will reread these posts many times. Deep breath.
