The nightmare began with me cleaning up the mess of destruction I caused from the night before. I didn't know if I had drank or not. There was puke in the bathroom - I was living in my old college dorms.
Down the hall was a smashed car - never mind I lived on the 10th floor. I didn't know if I smashed it - it turned out that I didn't.
My marriage was over, and I was being forced to move out. I did know that much. Then I found the beer cans - lots of them. It was true - I had drank : (
I lost the sober time I had, and I had no recollection of drinking at all. I was just living in a huge mess of consequences - wondering how and why it could have possibly happened, when I didn't want to drink at all. When I had no memory of it at all. Someone would have had to drug me and force me to drink. Why would they do that?
Turns out - someone did. But they only had to give me one - and the rest I took care of myself.
They did it to steal my car, smashed it, and pinned the whole thing on me. My old red hot rod too - the one I had when I was 21, and incidently did smash while driving drunk... with no recollection of it.
And then I woke up. So relieved it was only a dream. Knowing in my heart of consciousness, that I do not want to drink today. What a miricle this program is.
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Oh, thankyou Tasha, I had a similar dream myself that I was cluthcing my wooden bat on the couch wondering how the heck Im gonna get out of here and whos waiting over there, and over there cause of a bunch of stuff, but it was only a dream....i think
It feels great when the realization comes that it was only just a dream, huh ? ... Wow, I'm impressed you remember so many of the details, one helluva dream ...
I don't get those anymore, thank God ... but I did have drinking dreams off 'n on for my first year or so ... oh man, the guilt when you first awake, is terrible ... and the relief is incredible when you find out it was just a dream ... don't know about you, but I prayed extra hard those mornings ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Wow, that was quite the dream, Tasha. Imagine if it came true -Yikes. I mean, who would wreck a vintage automobile anyway? Not me, right. Well, it did happen. My father's Camaro, not pretty. I don't think he ever got over it. Well, one and done as they say. Now, back to my normal routine...eating ice cream. Great story, Tasha. Have any sequels? Just kidding...Onward.
I had a series of nightmares the other night that had nothing to do with alcohol. I think I was watching horror movies before bed.
I dreamed that I was caged up with a serial killer and he wouldn't let me out of his cell and he was going to kill me but torture me first. Then he let me go and told all the other inmates that I should be their counselor because I knew what it was like to be afraid.
After that, i dreamed that me and my partner were shopping for new TVs and they had all these 3D TVs and each time I kept looking at one there was a horror movie playing on it and a zombie, skeleton, or vampire would leap out of the TV at me.
Then I dreamed I was coaching a football team with all zombie kids on it....
WTF - Sometimes I'm impressed by what I come up with in my sleep but it further goes to show me how disturbed I am.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I once heard someone say that drunk dreams are there to keep us grateful. i believe that. Sometimes they have an additional purpose. Is there anyone in your life right now who threatens your sobriety? Or maybe you were entertaining the idea of doing something that might threaten your sobriety?
I had entertained the thought of taking 1 drink for 1 million dollars. It didn't seem to be a real threat... I felt content with talking to my HP, knowing certainly that it was not a choice. That one drink could never be possible for me.
Something else is going on though - generally restless, discontented, irritable.
I have been really busy - doing less meetings - less reading - less typing here - less true spiritual work and connecting with God's will for my life. I'm one step off the track it seems - off balance - needing a lift. Must move my feet. Thanks Odat, this has been on my mind all day & yesterday.
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Something similar happened to me around the 2 year mark ... I had the 'feeling' that 'I had gotten it' ... you know, the whole AA thingy ... I found myself relaxing in my recovery, you know, enjoying the moment so to speak ... I started backing off my rigorous AA schedule and replacing it with more basic life stuff ... everything about my AA program seemed to be getting repetitive ...
I now know, that I was just going through what I call a 'transitional' stage ... I got to the point where I wasn't struggling to stay sober any more ... I had incorporated myself into a new way of life and I had to make adjustments ... I came to know exactly what they meant when they warned us to not rest on our laurels ... when that happened to me, I realized that King Alcohol was trying to sneak back into my life ... you know, here, just one drink won't hurt you ... and when I realized the new threat, I adjusted my 'routine' to boost my AA involvement back up to a comfortable level ... like going from one meeting a week to three, which I do now, sometimes more if the need is there ... what I'm saying is that it took me a while to find 'balance' ... I'd swing to one side and then back too far to the other side, back and forth till I reached a point of balance ... and when something comes along and disturbs that 'balance, then I go through the process again ...
Point being, when we find 'balance' .... we come to know peace ... and the "restless, discontented, and irritable" feelings disappear ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Oh yeah, I've had the drunk dreams/nightmares too. Was such a relief to wake. When they happened, I'd have said that I thought that I was doing pretty well.
In a way, I was grateful for them. Maybe I was getting complacent and actually starting to forget was it was like for me to drink.
Funny, I thought I was the only one who had crazy vivid dreams. I wake up sometimes and it takes a few minutes for me to realize I am awake. I remember one many years ago before kids. I was living alone and in my dream I became an angel which I remember feeling so happy in my dream as I floated above everyone and then the realization hit me as I jolted awake that if I was an angel I was dead. I hopped in my car at 5 in the morning, drove down the street to my aunts house and made her tell me I was still alive. A few years after that I was doing a lot of stupid stuff in my life as I was in my early 20's, very unhealthy stuff and my dead grandmother came to me in my dream and told me I better take care of myself because it wasn't about me anymore, it was about the child I was carrying...it took 3 weeks for the test to come out positive but I really was! I will never forget a good number of my dreams because they all seem so real. The most vivid dreams I have now I will tell my boyfreind about when I wake up and he says he never remembers his dreams. I always thought I was the weird one. ok correction I am a weird one but I thought I was the only one to have these dreams.
