Hello everyone, I havent posted in a few weeks,been reading just havent known what to say. Yesterday was 21 days without a drink. Still not feeling very well but I am sober... the thing I need a little advice on is how to talk to my kids about this. My 8 yr old son is in cub scouts and his weekly scout meeting is held at the local moose lodge..the thought of being in a bar atmosphere scares the shit out of me right now..my wife has taken him the past few weeks but he his wondering why I havent been going and I dont know how to approach this.. I feel guilty for not being there with him, but I know that is the last place I need to be right now. I feel pretty good about 21 days and just dont want to take any chances.. ANY ADVICE??
I had to care enough about me for once... to finally be the kind of parent I was meant to be. I'm not saying I'm anywhere near a perfect parent today, but I am 1000 times better at my worst sober, than I am at my best drunk. I always thought I was more patient and more fun after a few drinks. That 5 MINUTES that I was those things, seemed to tell me that the other HOURS were okay too.
So that's how my alcoholic brain works.
You will know in your gut and your heart - that you are doing what you're doing because you care about you, and can then turn around and care about them. So my simple suggestion is to just let them know how much you care for them.
Now I can go anywhere alcohol is. There is nothing in the world that would make me drink today. It's funny, because my alcoholic brain gave me a real temptation last night while I was trying to do my daily inventory. All at once, it popped in my brain the circumstance of being offered 1 million dollars to take 1 drink.
I had to give in and think it over a bit. Just had to.
I considered that I could probably handle just one today ---- (my disease started doing some push ups).
Then I considered that with my body build, and my program in such a great place... I probably wouldn't even feel the effects of one, and could just do it quick - maybe even go puke it up in the bathroom - just to get the million dollars. ---- (my disease got that sexy smile)
I then considered how taking one for my family's monetary wealth would surely be worth it. --- (my disease put on it's hat and coat)
Then I imagined what that special drink would be - how big - If I would have ONE - I would make it a long island iced tea
NOW MY DISEASE WAS OUT THE DOOR AND WAITING FOR ME TAPPING IT'S FOOT.
So I kicked it in the balls - told it I WANT TO LIVE - and that my family - and myself - are worth more than a million dollars today.
And that is thanks to AA - my HP - and YOU!
The program works if you work it : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Hello and welcome to MIP. Way to go on 21 days,your priority right now,not picking up.I cannot give you advice but I can share my ESH(experience ,strength and hope with you)how it affected my children 2 in the mid 40's and 2 in their mid 20's.My first kids were taken away from me when I was in the midst of my active addiction(1974),they saw me in all my non glory from the time they were born.My second set of children began their lives 2 years after I finally surrendered in "84 and have watched me work recovery.In both situations my children knew I was sick and needed help.For me I found in my recovery that honesty has always served myself and everyone best.During my active addiction years (25 of them),delusion, rationalization,denial and total self centeredness(the true core of our illness) ruled the day.We never talked much about it during my first set of kids early years(they were taken from me when they were 12/13 respectively.With the birth of my now 20 year old children ,from an early age they knew I worked a program and had an illness(just like diabetes,etc) that relegated me to never again picking up "that first one"...My older children and I have had many discussions especially during my 9th step amends)part of the AA program,THE steps.I have worked many times over and I try and live my life by applying spiritual principles in the actions and behaviors of all areas of my lives.WE all have our own ideas,but as someone with alcoholism running deep in the family and the higher chance of my children being more susceptible to the illness I chose to explain about the illness ,what it is and does to those who suffer and what we do to remain in sobriety.2 of my 4 children are free of addiction,my 27 year old son is now in recovery from 7 years of hard core heroin addiction and my 46 year old daughter is an alcoholic in denial.They all know about the process of recovery because I live it but it is still evident that it is an individual situation.I believe the more knowlege you have and the more honest you can be is most helpful.In my case you may think not,but I have seen my son come back to life after many long years of crying myself to sleep at night.My daughter will have to find her way.I pray fervently to the God of my understanding and can only carry a message of recovery.Children are much smarter than we adults sometimes take them to be.My older children knew i was sick very early in life.There is nothing wrong with letting anyone know we suffer from a serious illness but it is up to us to decide how we want to handle it.(personal anonymity )I will lift you up in prayer.I can also suggest giving the program a shot,make a meeting,get a sponsor,learn about our solution and Just For Today you don't have to use alcohol again.You may want to seek a spiritual guidance or even medical assistance if you are really struggling.There are many helpful aids on our roads to recovery,WE offer a program that can help you find a new way to live.There comes a time when there is no longer fear of the beast but takes a little work to get there....Peace
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Thank yall....Dean I dont have a sponsor yet..my wife took him tonight so for today I am just going to focus on not drinking..and hope for a good night sleep and more discussion with wife tomorroq on how to approach this further...
Hey jtbardo, ... ... ... I just told my kid that I had become sick ... that I was seeing some friends that were trying to help me get better ... kids can probably read between the lines but at least he knew I was trying to get well ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Guard your sobriety first and foremost. Without that, you cannot continue enjoying life. If it scares you to go there, you aren't ready for it.
You would probably be fine, but why even bother. I would suggest getting a sponsor ASAP because you won't always be able to avoid situations with alcohol there. In those cases, your sponsor is your lifeline.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Congradulations on the 21 days...well done dry time!! Suggestion? ask your wife if she can hit one of the local Al-Anon face to face groups and pick up a piece of literature done in comic form; pics and dialogue, call "Whats drunk Mama?". It is put together for children your sons age. Also if he hasn't asked? Keep working your program until its time. You're doing the right thing. If you don't do it the way you're doing it he may not have a father for the future at all...cub scouts or not. Prayers.
Hello everyone, I havent posted in a few weeks,been reading just havent known what to say. Yesterday was 21 days without a drink. Still not feeling very well but I am sober... the thing I need a little advice on is how to talk to my kids about this. My 8 yr old son is in cub scouts and his weekly scout meeting is held at the local moose lodge..the thought of being in a bar atmosphere scares the shit out of me right now..my wife has taken him the past few weeks but he his wondering why I havent been going and I dont know how to approach this.. I feel guilty for not being there with him, but I know that is the last place I need to be right now. I feel pretty good about 21 days and just dont want to take any chances.. ANY ADVICE??
Congrats on day 21. As Tasha said, the program works, so continue to work it. The moose lodge thing, well, that's a tough one. Can you guys go on outings together instead? It may be a welcome alternative, who knows. I wouldn't talk to the young tike just yet; I think its better left alone. Spending some quality time together is understandable, but at what expense. If you feel uncomfortable, then I'd forgo it for now. Make it up in other areas, so not to be left out. It's only my take, though. I hope this helps.
congrats on 3 weeks. my kids were a little bit older than yours when i got sober. i never said anything to them about going to AA or being sober, i just didn't drink. i knew they could tell something was different with mom, mainly that i was PRESENT. i never had problems going to places where they served alcohol, i was done. they are actively selling booze at a cub scout meeting? strange...or is it just being in the building itself? anyways, my kids are in their late teens now, and for years have known that i'm an alcoholic and attend AA meetings on a regular basis, but IMO i don't think i would say anything to such a small child, he will just know that dad is starting to be a better dad. plus kids this age can say something when you least expect it, like at school...my dad is an alcoholic! as far as not taking him to the meetings, i would definitely get a sponsor, this sounds like a good thing to talk through with them, and maybe they would be willing to attend a cub scout meeting with you for moral support, who knows?
I told my child too much, too soon, and for too long. Beginning when she was 6 when I got into AA. And continued to make reference to my condition right up to last week (she's 38 now). At that point she was FINALLY able to tell me directly that all the detail I shared and relating everything going on with me to recovery has not been appreciated and has caused her more emotional pain than if I had reeled it in a bit. (Obviously, she had not chosen to get any help for her own "condition" as an ACOA.)
I have caused so much pain and damage in her life that I cannot willfully go against what she asked of me---to just not bring the past into her newly happy life and promising future. (I suspect the translation of that is she hasn't told her new husband the whole gory story and would be embarrassed for his family to know some of her secrets.) I have been sober over 29 years, so they really don't "need to know" and I can understand her discomfort. She just wants to be "normal" for once in her life. I have to respect her wishes and looking back I wish I had kept it simple---I have a health condition that means I need to do and not do certain things so I don't get sick.
I would simply say that Mommy has decided she wants to be in charge of that right now and you are going to do (playing catch in the yard, movies, reading stories, or another kid thing they aleady do) with them, for your thing instead. You can even take over something she is doing for them if you feel you can handle it.
It might be wise to wait until you have closer to a year of sobriety and more support and sponsorship to actually talk to them about drinking.
