How do I pick a meeting?

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

How do I pick a meeting?

tippytoes · Member

I've gone to meetings in support of my mom, but never for myself. I have decided to go to one tonight (gulp) but I'm lost looking at this list: http://www.aasf.org/meetingsBrowse.cfm?getRegion=SF&getTimeCode=N&s=h. Can I just go to any of them, or would some be better for a newcomer?

I'm not gay, so those specific ones are probably not right for me, but other than that, I'm not sure how to pick. A little overwhelmed...

tippytoes · Member

Thanks Jerry. So there aren't any where I'll walk in and immediately think, "Oh wait, I'm at the wrong meeting!"?? Haha.

Bryan39 · Senior Member

discusion meeting would be my advice , when you arrive tell them you are new, someone will reach out to you and during the meeting as jerry said you don't have to speak but do keep an open mind good luck and let us know how it goes

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Tippy the only wrong meetings I've ever been to were wrong because of my attitude and as I remember those turned out to be the best I've been to. (((hugs))) smile

tippytoes · Member

Okay great!! I think I picked one. I'm a little nervous but I'm doin it! Thank you thank you thank you for this board.

Closer · Senior Member

Hi Tippy, The message at meetings is pretty direct. I would attend a number of them to get a feel for it. You can learn a lot from listening to whos sharing, You can probably find a meeting schedule at a meeting in your area that will explain things better, its quite often in the form of an AA newsletter (At least where I live) Hope this helps.

Col · MIP Old Timer

Hey:) my first meeting was one a friend had mentioned to me months before I actually went ( or got sober, or even wanted to get sober). It was a women's meeting which I found less intimidating. I then attended any and all meetings I could fit into my work schedule.. I just kept an open mind. I simply learned through my own experience my preferences. I, too, found that many meetings I walked into I felt weren't a good 'fit' for me ( I was being judgmental) turned out to be the best! In the beginning, I preferred speaker meetings, it helped me to identify with the core of alcoholism, regardless of the details of people's stories- the issues are universal. I dunno, just my experience:)

Zoomtopz · MIP Old Timer

Actually , Tippytoes , a woman , who later became a great friend told me at my 1st meeting "If you want

to hide in AA , just go to gay meetings". Yes , You won't end up at any wrong meetings . Even when I have

been to th States , I have been to meetings that are different to what we have here in Australia , & I reckon

I will get to some more dfferent ones in Dallas next week . Can you imagine it , an Aussie 'redneck' going to

Stateside meetings with some 'real Rednecks' . I have been to meetings under th '12 palm trees' @ Waikiki .

Mate , to me 'a meeting Is a meeting' . GET to 2 , if you think you are going to too many meetings .

GO To 2 more .

Rick smile

tippytoes · Member

Thanks everyone. I went! And I don't think it was really the right fit for me, but it's ok because it was still a good experience and the ppl were nice and even suggested some meetings that would be good for me the rest of this week.

I got out and my roommate had texted me to see if I wanted to get free drinks at some place by our house and I declined. I bet I wouldn't have done that if I hadn't gone. Really. I just felt like, what was the friggin point of going to that meeting if I'm going to go out and get drunk afterward? I guess this is the ultimate one day at a time approach because in all honesty, I don't feel very confident about my ability to stop, but I'm not drinking tonight, so... that's something.

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

tippytoes wrote:
Thanks everyone. I went! And I don't think it was really the right fit for me, but it's ok because it was still a good experience and the ppl were nice and even suggested some meetings that would be good for me the rest of this week.

I got out and my roommate had texted me to see if I wanted to get free drinks at some place by our house and I declined. I bet I wouldn't have done that if I hadn't gone. Really. I just felt like, what was the friggin point of going to that meeting if I'm going to go out and get drunk afterward? I guess this is the ultimate one day at a time approach because in all honesty, I don't feel very confident about my ability to stop, but I'm not drinking tonight, so... that's something.

Maybe another meeting will be a better fit, who knows. Just don't give up entirely.

Frodo · MIP Old Timer

tippytoes wrote:

I just felt like, what was the friggin point of going to that meeting if I'm going to go out and get drunk afterward?

That darn AA will ruin your drinking alright. biggrin

I'm glad you went. Going to the first one is hard but once you see that it's full of normal, nice people the second one is easy.

Don't worry if a bunch of what is said there goes over your head. I didn't understand much of what was being said at all in the early days but as days turned into weeks and then into months I realised I'd picked up a bunch of really useful gems without even knowing it. There is a lot of wisdom in the rooms.

stayhumble · Senior Member

Tippy, keep coming back. It took me weeks before I was able to relate enough with people in the rooms and admit I was an alcoholic. I knew I had a problem and couldn't stop drinking sometimes but I didn't know if I was an alcoholic. Thanks to my Higher Power I kept coming back until I heard what I needed to hear and made my admission.

By the way, you don't have to drink today even if you want to. One day at a time is all we have in life and sobriety.

tippytoes · Member

Stayhumble - that's totally how I feel right now. I was a little scared when I left the mtg because part of me thought - wait do I really want to do this???? do I really NEED to do this?? I'm not 100% sure really. In a perfect world, I would be able to have a few drinks socially once in a while and not drink to excess nearly every night alone in my room. But I've wanted to cut back for 4 years and it clearly hasn't happened. So something is going on and I don't have much to lose by trying this:)

stayhumble · Senior Member

We assume when we get sober we're not goin to have any "fun" in our life any longer. When I sat down for coffee with a guy after my first meeting I asked what he got out of AA. I didn't know much about it. No one in my family is in AA but I knew doing some of the things I did while I was drinking just wasn't right. He told be that he just got "serenity and peace of mind."

That's all I wanted. I didn't care about "fun". I knew how I felt hungover everytime I drank. That wasn't fun. I juts wanted peace of mind and serenity. I just wanted to wake up and not be hung over or feel like crap. So I had to keep coming back for a while. I related to small pieces of what others had to say. I still haven't "heard my story" from one specific person but I hear pieces of my story from others. I blessed to have been guided to AA fortunatly I've never been to jail, had a DUI, or had any major
life changing events due to alcohol. Well, other than hitting bottom of course, LOL!

Keeping sharing your experience on the boards, make meetings, and if you can, ask
someone for their phone number the next time you go to a meeting.

One day at a time...that's all we have.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Hey Tippytoes - super brave of you going to a meeting. Not sure why I ever made such a big deal out of it like I did. I was doing EXACTLY what you are, and now I laugh cuz it's like going to Walgreens. If they don't have what I want, I just go to Walmart - if it still doesn't suit me, I go to Target. I don't research each store - fret about it - judge each prior store extensively - decipher every isle in my mind - every advertisement...

No - I just continue searching without a thought really, until I find what I need. But of course, I do know why I made a big deal out of going to a meeting - it's my disease trying to talk me out of squashing it - as it says we must do in the big book of AA> have you picked up one of these yet? I would be happy to buy you one...

Congrats again on taking your first steps - I'm not really trying to down play it - it is a huge deal, and you're not alone in being nervous - we all were - we all have this disease talking to us strongly in the beginning. Bravo for you on not listening to it TODAY!

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Hey Tippytoes, ... What she said ... Tasha(Justadrunk) has the right outlook ... and congrats for getting to a meeting ...

my first ones were nerve racking too, but soon became interesting and now they can even be entertaining ...

I told someone the other day that 'you can't get this much entertainment, for the price of admission, anywhere else' ...

listen close to some of the shares, there's a lot of humor in the rooms along with the serious stuff ... ... ... I love my meetings

Col · MIP Old Timer

I absolutely agree with Tasha. For me, one of the bonuses of going to any and all meetings you can in the beginning is that you can, once you get a more steady program going, have a better idea of the meetings that are best suited for you. As I said before, when I began going to meetings I had no clue what was going on. Different styles or types of meetings?? I didn't even know what that meant.. Where before I was fitting meetings into my existing schedule, now I'm fitting my schedule around my favorite meetings. I think it's wise to not decide which meetings you like or not quite yet though, give them a couple of tries.. You may find the ones you feel uncomfortable at are actually the most beneficial:) the more the better.. At least that was true for me.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Just like you are staying sober 1 day at a time. You can decide how the program might work for you and to what degree a day at a time too. The point is to keep going right now. Please don't go "oh I wen't to a meeting and I'm not sure it's for me." You are only ensuring a continuation of the problem that way. If you give it at least 90 days of repeated meetings, then you will be at a point to say you gave it more of a try. During that time, I can pretty much guarantee you will hear your "story" at one of those meetings and you will know you are in the right place.

Of course you don't feel the same as people who have been sober a long time. You won't necessarily fit in like that till you start accumulating some sobriety time.

P.S. - having 3 or 4 drinks "socially" isn't really normal for a monday night aside from the drinking alone in your room which is definitely alcoholism. People who are not alcoholics may have 1 or 2 drinks on the weekend basically...or 1 glass of wine with a meal....Their social lives don't center around alcohol and "going out for drinks"

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Yes - I never drank cuz I liked the taste - or any real reason other than to get the effect. I wanted to be popular in school. I wanted to be able to sing an opera without my teeth clattering. I wanted to feel more confident when that hot guy approached me. I wanted to feel less stress. I wanted to feel good basically. For any reason. In reality - none of that was ever me. In fact, it was just pushing ME & my higher power down harder and harder. Giving me less and less real practice at dealing with life, coping with stress, finding my own confidence etc. I never really got to be me. All I ever really got to be was a tool for my disease to keep getting stronger.

Now I get to start over. When I say "I want to", I mean, I really want to learn how to do it. I want own that stage. I don't want to give it up to some stinkin addiction! This is my life! My GOD GIVEN LIFE! No more wasting it away being wasted. That was never really me.

I feel like a kid again - learning to live after a long coma in life - because that's exactly what happened. I've "come to" through the steps and a spiritual awakening thanks to this program, and I couldn't have done it without meetings. I get to live my life now with a Higher power - the steps - and the tools and fellowship provided for free in AA. Sitting alone in my apartment guzzling wine by myself was my old way of life. I do not have to be alone when I'm alone, or alone when I'm surrounded by people anymore. I get to enjoy God's gifts - all thanks to AA.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Great post Tasha .... I love the 'coma' reference ...

tippytoes · Member

Justadrunk - I know that wasn't a sad post, but it brought tears to my eyes. It's encouraging because I feel like people like the drunk me - the life of the party, the fun girl who can be nutty and outgoing. Last night I was lying in bed and all of a sudden a horrible feeling flooded over me and I thought "What if this makes me lose my friends, my personality and I become that boring person I never wanted to be???" Then I thought, I have to have faith that doing what is right to be healthy and happy is going to set the real me free. I just have to let go of trying to be something I think other people will like.

I didn't make it to a meeting today. I feel guilty but I'm planning to go tomorrow. I had therapy tonight and I told my therapist about this for the first time. I'm on day 2 of not drinking and feeling a little iffy, but still hangin in there.

Frodo · MIP Old Timer

Keep drinking and you won't have any friends worth speaking about anyway. The ones that don't quietly move away are the ones you probably won't really want anyway. It's a hard truth but a truth it is. We die alone and unloved in most cases.

It reminds me of something I heard in a meeting the other night: "How wonderful is this place? A place where all the unwanted and unloved can come and be wanted and loved while they get well enough to be wanted and loved by the outside world. If you don't believe me that we were the unwanted and unloved then go an find a group of people and ask them to put up their hand in they want an alcoholic. Only the mad ones will do that."

Funny and true.

But I do know where you are coming from. I couldn't envision a life after alcohol as being anything other than living life like I'd just come back from a funeral. But that was because I'd forgotten that my normal wasn't the normal most of the rest of the world lived by. Life is actually a hell of a lot of fun when you are not sick, broke and screwing up all the time, and while AA will change your attitude towards the world in ways you can't understand right now, it doesn't give you a sense of humour amputation. What it does do is give you the ability to decide when to be serious and when to be silly, and when you do decide to enjoy the ridiculous that life can offer, it gives you the common sense to have fun with it rather than waking up the next day wondering why the hell you are always the person that takes the joke that one (or many) steps too far.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Tippytoes - I had the same fears... and a lot more.

I like what you said about having faith in being healthy and happy to set the real you free. Those are inspiring words for me this morning. Thanks so much : )

Das28 · Member

Hello! Go to them all a few times,see which ones you feel comfortable in & regularly go.You can go to them all at different times,if you'd like to do a few a day & they have both lunchtime plus night meetings you want to go to fill in your days do it.I'm new on this site but familiar with AA.

Good luck.

Das28

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

Das28 wrote:
Hello! Go to them all a few times,see which ones you feel comfortable in & regularly go.You can go to them all at different times,if you'd like to do a few a day & they have both lunchtime plus night meetings you want to go to fill in your days do it.I'm new on this site but familiar with AA.
Good luck.
Das28

Welcome Denice...

-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 21st of September 2012 11:23:31 PM

Das28 · Member

Thankyou Mr.David for the welcome.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hello Denice and welcome to the board.

Das28 · Member

Thankyou Dean.