I understand how you feel, Shawn. It took me over 30+ years to get the first step and even then it was a stretch. I had to suffer through the agony of defeat -many times- before I finally surrendered. I guess it just wasn't my time yet, that's all. Luckily for me, those failures I was so accustomed to were finally turned into assets, thanks to my sober connections in A.A. So for now, do the next right thing. Focus instead on sobriety and then wait for the miracle to happen. It's the only alternative worth striving for...lasting sobriety. Congrats on day 15.
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 17th of September 2012 02:09:34 AM
I am crawling out of my skin. Unfortunately this isn't my first time getting sober. Multiple treatments and sober livings. Here I am at 15 days, working with a sponsor, journalling every morning, gratitude list, finished 4th step, waiting for time with sponsor for 5th. Meetings, living in sober house, meditation, service, prayer., calling guys daily. I haven't had one craving it am just so miserable.
Hang on Shawn, just don't drink and I promise that your life will get progressively better each week, month, year. It never stops improving and at some point it exceeds any previous expectations of what a "great life" could be.
It'll get better. It really will. I sometimes wonder how I got through my first 90 but I'm glad I didn't buckle and just sucked up all the crap those days through at me. 20 months later and I feel good. Really, really good. Nothing over the top but just comfortable, happy and balanced in mind, body and soul.
I had to pray, even when I didn't know what I was praying to. Some people (in this thread actually) told me to do it, and I was willing to do anything sober people did to get that way. There is a lot to discover in sobriety, and a beautiful mind like yours deserves a chance to enjoy itself. Let your Higher Power help you let this time of gray skies pass, and soon you will be standing in the sun.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Shawn - I feel your pain. I have also had to start over. After almost 2 years of sobriety I relapsed and have been struggling in that relapse for the past 9 months - getting dry, then getting sober, going dry, drinking... I got real the last week in August, picked up a white chip, started over with step 1, and am doing everything my sponsor and I know to do to help me realize there is no 'easier, softer way' than AA. I am also in a recovery house. It isn't easy for me either. Someone with years of sobriety told me that life doesn't change - if we do the next right thing, one day at a time, that we change. When we change, then life changes. When we get better, then life gets better. I wish you the best. Keep us posted. It helps me to hear about others and their walk, 'cause I'm on a heck of a jouney.
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'The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.' -William Faulkner
I've been in your shoes too ... Congrats on 15 days ... just don't drink and go to meetings ... A new life awaits you ... don't give up, you're worth it ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Welcome Shawnq......Hang on it WILL get good,....then get real good..... and then get Real. Just don't pickup and do the work with your sponsor ,stay connected and want this more than anything.Keep coming back let us know how its going.For many of us it took decades to come to the acceptance of utter and emotional defeat and make a choice to go on to the same jail,institutions,deriliction or death or find a new way to live.....WE do this together.
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Congrats on the 15 days, Shawn. You are doing all the right stuff and it will get better. I remember being where you are at now and it does change. Don't give up before the miracles happen. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Let us do the watch with you Shawn. Lots of experience has stepped up to welcome and support you already, soooo you're not alone...keep asking questions about how we did it and what it was like so that you come to understand its all survivable. You just got rid of a major romance 15 days ago. It wasn't working out and you miss it and are crawling out of your skin in the missing it. I was fortunate in that my Higher Power wanted to get me alone and made it so that I had all kinds of alternatives to drinking like you have now. When I put as much time, effort and focus on the new alternatives, my mind, body, spirit and emotions all got quiet and I had no reason to ever pick up again. Finish doing 15 and duplicate tomorrow what you've done today. Keep coming back (((hugs)))
Hang in there Shawn in terms of detoxing 15 days is not alot so trust me it will get better. Keep doing the work, keep reaching out, sounds like you are immersed in recovery which early on at least is vital.
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
Shawn, I don't know why some of us require multiple rehabs/detoxes and restarting in AA over and over. I do know that you will accumulate lasting sobriety eventually as long as you keep this up. I understand it's not a comfortable place to be in your life - living in a halfway and starting over yet again. Yes - you are doing all the right things and working the program but I'm sure that you didn't dream of having to struggle this hard to be sober when you thought of what your adult life was going to be like.
Trust the process. You are going to emerge better off. Believe in something larger than yourself and that is your HP and your recovery. How you feel "right now" is fleeting. Keep doing the work and staying away from the first drink/drug and miracles will unfold over time. I promise.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
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