I'm writing this in regards to anyone who might be reading who is still suffering in a really awful situation. This is nothing but a reflection of my experience with AA, but hopefully I might be able to shine a light on someone who is where so many people are -which is what so many AA members are trying to do.
I came to AA in 2009, and I didnt think much of it. I didnt know if I wanted to quit, but I attended 14 meetings or so anyways. I began drinking again afterwards and I continued going downhill for a couple more years, which was in the care of psych wards and every mental health challenge there was. I was a bum to be blunt. I never "got" the program until I finally hit my bottom (Which was a really awful place), and begun having a spiritual experience, or at least flashes of one when I came across old AA pamphlets in my apartment.
Through working the program doing whats suggested (Attending real life meetings, online meetings, owning and reading AA literature, offering help at meetings, making coffee etc) I have somehow developed a feeling of hope and purpose, that this life isnt at an end, I am simply someone who has been through a dark time, and even though this thing was really hard, I am not the only one who has felt this and I'm not alone in the world.
A long time ago, I used to enjoy life with a lot more? 'Spark' in it, but somewhere I lost it. Life had been the most unmanageable, hard to even sit at home thing to do in the world. Now that time has passed and Ive used the program with a lot more desire to get well... I have new interests, I am out every day, my lifestyle is a lot healthier, I feel better, and the greatest thing of all... Im finding myself happy a fair bit of the time and I dont need alcohol to do it!. I sleep easy at night, and besides a sore neck I've got noting to complain about. I can imagine what it would be like to still be in a home for unstable people, eating mashed potatoes from the plastic tray, wondering how to get out for a day to sneak in a bottle of whiskey in my jacket, among other things. Instead I have a beautiful clean apartment, time to dedicate to helping others, better family relationships, and most of all, I feel a lot better about myself... the old Brian was a real lowlife. Im not perfect by any means, but Im a heck of a lot better than I was, and I owe a lot of it to this program. Its been over 9 months and I'm starting to feel GOOD. The summers ending here in Vancouver, but Im not feeling down, Im looking forward to spending time with family in the winter, I have a chance I might get into school, and most of all Im looking forward to things in the future not feeling that its the end, which is why I wrote this thread. Ill just keep coming back.
Closer.
-- Edited by Closer on Sunday 9th of September 2012 01:56:47 AM
Excellent! I just can't get enough of hearing these stories. You can really tell when someone has had a spiritual awakening and a psychic shift. You did a great job of putting that into words also. I bet you never envisioned yourself as having such a powerful story to share but now you do!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I echo what pinkchip shared here. I LOVE hearing how people grow and thrive in this program. Thank you for sharing with us. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
You really took me back to my first year, I had no ambition for life toward the end and my recovery came fast once I got a little soberity and started to live the program.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
It has helped me to hear your story. I am a low bottom drunk and when I hear about tough situations like this I don't feel so alone. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope.
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'The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.' -William Faulkner
