It is Friday early morning and I am still sober. Yeah for me right, except it is the weekend. This weekend is different because its the first one I have vowed to stay sober for but is that too much. People I have spoken with this week have said only think about today and I understand why so today I will stay sober. BUT.....I usually work weekends however I am on "vacation" this weekend, meaning they asked me to take a temporary leave because of events that happened last Sunday (late for work, still drunk ugh) I am thankful I wasn't fired completely. I am worried that I will have too much time on my hands. It will just be me and my baby, the other kids are with dad this weekend. Any insight or helpful tips? I will try to take it one day at a time but I think this weekend will be tough. I usually drink when I get off work too or my BF would have a few drinks with me but hes not an alcoholic so he doesn't understand my pull towards alcohol...so much so that he is still not speaking to me after last Sunday which is probably a blessing in disguise. Just doesn't feel like it right now....anyways, I guess I just wanted to get some extra support this weekend and prayers I guess. Thanks
Stick with the one day plan. It's a lifesaver. It'll save you biting off too big a chunk, and then despairing when everything just looks too big and too hard. Just worry about getting to midnight, and when you've done that you can look at the next day. Tomorrow and yesterday don't exist. Just today. Just this moment. You can do anything if you only have to do it for 24 hours.
And yeah, stay connected and keep your mind busy. Find something that will keep your mind where your hands are, even if it's silly or pointless. Got a table that needs sanding? Or a bathroom that needs a good scrub? Or a picture that needs drawing? A friend that needs a good long chat about nothing much? Anything that'll stop you sitting there and giving your mind a chance to wander, but nothing really important so it won't matter if you do it well or not.
It's hard. I won't lie to you. The early days are rough, but they are worth doing and it'll get easier and better as time goes on. Soon you'll be that busy with a happy, sober life you'll wonder where you got the time to drink, but for now you'll have to try and keep your mind occupied because it really isn't your friend at the moment and left to its own devices it'll try and take you back to the place it is used to, and that's not anywhere you want to be.
Well, for sure don't drink if you're watching the baby ... that would be the quickest way to a disaster ... here in the Atlanta area, we have frequent news of such things and they nearly always end with the responsible party getting prosecuted for 'child endangerment' ... ... ...
Cases where a 3 or 4 year old can't wake up mommy and call 911 are common here ... and too often the medical emergency turns out to be a 'passed out' drunk mom ... OD's on drugs also common ... what a tragedy that creates ... Please be responsible ... do as suggested above ... find someone, anyone, to watch your kids and go to a meeting ... you cannot 'win' over alcohol alone ... When you drink, your poor kids suffer the consequences ... lack of a guardian while sleeping if nothing else ...
Stay busy ... have plenty of 'hard candy' close by to help dampen the withdrawals and lessen the cravings ... Alcohol has a lot of sugar in it, so having some candy or other real sweet treats will aid in substituting for the lack of a drink ... you'll want to do this for a couple of months probably ...
Just sayin' ... you have a choice today ... have one drink and you may never get a chance to have this choice again ... this is more serious than you sitting back and playing with a loaded gun ... both alcohol and guns are lethal ... when abused ... Reach out and grab the 'life-line' that has been thrown to you and hold on for dear life ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Friday 7th of September 2012 08:13:42 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
One thing we're really great at as Mothers is beating ourselves up for what we're doing to our family, especially our kids. We sure don't need anyone to tell us how awful it is... and we will remain powerless over alcohol without help. Motherhood does not cure alcoholism like we would think it should. It doesn't cure alcoholism any better than it cures cancer. If you had cancer, you would have to find help. Once I looked at it that way, I started finding help, letting people help me and doing whatever I could to get better.
I thought I was stuck. I thought my income was more important, I thought I couldn't afford babysitters, I thought my kids wouldn't make it without me, I thought there was no time, no one available, no way to do it... but I was wrong.
Finally I surrendered to the fact that this was a disease and it would kill me. I finally realized (with a huge push that is) that none of this would matter if I lost my kids, lost everything, or worse - died - possibly killing my kids too. That was the reality that I was drowning away.
It wasn't pretty.
Finally, when I faced the things I was doing, I was shocked... but I still had a chance... nothing that bad had happened yet, and I realized what a gift I was given. I grabbed onto that chance (like pappy said above) and held onto it tight. I put in my 2 weeks notice where ever I was responsible for anything, found babysitters... searched online and asked around, wandered around the parks looking for nice looking young teens - and found them. I took my booze money - and put it in their hands - and I went to as many meetings as I could - every day or twice a day.
I treated myself as if I was dying, because... I was dying.
There are times I get into a funk - but overall - I am doing somersaults inside knowing the opportunity of AA is mine for the taking. I am so grateful, and the promises do come true.
There is no way to really describe how different I feel now, 5 months later. But I will say this: The moment you look into your newborns eyes, you realize you're holding onto a miracle. This disease is so awful, it can make us forget all that. It can take that feeling away.
Now I have it back.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Friday 7th of September 2012 04:38:06 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
My suggestion - get to a meeting. Your BF is angry because of problem behavior regarding your drinking right? Would he watch the kids while you go to a meeting on one or both days of the weekend? None of us stopped drinking by our own will power. We did it through AA...through meetings, getting a sponsor, dedication to the program. Just stopping and going on the wagon never worked for me - I tried so many times. You can do this, but you need help. We all need help from each other. Seek it out!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
"when were drunk, time is slippery. When were sober, time is like cat hair..."
if you can, find a club house. The one in my area is open 6am to 1am on saturdays and Sundays with a bookshelf full of recovery and nonrecovery books that were donated as well as free wifi and of course coffee (sometimes the hogie bakery next door donates their surplus) just for new comers.
This weekend would also be a great opportunity to cling on to some honest and genuine people.
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Hey:) first- one day at a time is a necessary mentality... Sometimes it's one moment at a time. My suggestion? Meetings, and stay connected here.. Post things even if you think they're are dumb or nonsensical LOL this helped me a lot when I had 'free time' . I also took a vacation for a week during the first month of sobriety.. I work long hours with the public ( always 'on stage' so to speak).. I just couldn't handle it and needed a break. I, too, was scared that I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Posting here and reading others posts helped a lot. I also threw myself into reading the big book ( get a copy if you haven't already- best book I've ever read.. And one of my degrees is in literature haha). Also, this is a great opportunity to take the baby to the park, or lake, or whatever activities you would like to ' catch up' on! Just keep busy and connected- just some things that helped me:) no matter how lonely you feel try not to hang out with people that may be drinking (in my opinion, of course, it's simply too tempting).
I appreciate all your help and concerns.....Just one comment pappy. SOOOOO not what a mother needs to hear when she is doing everything she can to stay sober for her family. I am still sober and don't have the urge at all today (even took the kids for ice cream after school and the place had a big sign out front---BAR NOW OPEN, of course but I didn't even think twice about it just more interested in mixing alcohol and ice cream) I have not been so horrible that the state is anywhere near involved and if I were I didn't think this was the place for judgments.....thats why I came here in the first place. As far as drug tests and alchohol tests, well I don't do drugs at all so not a problem there and I am committed to staying sober, going to meetings and seeking help (hence I am here). A women in my shoes would understand how I feel more so I beleive.We have all done horrible things when controlled by alcohol and I recognize that and recognize I am an alchoholic and am committed to staying sober.
My plan is to staybusy, like the suggestions here. My house does need a good scrubbing and I will probably post a ton here this weekend. Thanks al lfor your thoughts and concerns.
you said a lot of what was on my mind, thank you again for all your insight.....bathroom and kitchen scrubbed and half of my physics homework done. I am going to bed sober, tomorrow is another day. night all and thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
Ok, so its Saturday and I'm still here. I got called in to work the grills at work at 10 this morning. Just got home. I am still trying to get a sitter for my first face to face meeting tonight. Struck out twice so far, have one left to try. Again, can't be easy can it lol!! Good news is The day is almost over and I'm still sober! I will admit, it has been tough. my boyfriend decided to text me a recap of last awful weekend and of course try and make me feel bad about it. I told him I couldn't change the past and it does me know good to dwell over it. I told him I have found a group of people who understand what I'm going through and have been supporting me all week and that I understand why he can't. I am learning to forgive myself and to not dwell on the past because I can't change it, I only have today and today is good. I feel like I am in a really good place this week so thank you for everyone here!
wouldnt you know we had tornado warnings all night and severe thunderstorms, its pouring out. We had a tornado rip through our town in the past year and everyone is freaking out. So, I couldn't get a babysitter to go to the face to face meeting. I really did try and I'm not giving up. I will try again tomorrow but for tonight, onine meeting. I feel at peace at the moment and have said the serenity prayer probably 1000 times this week, I know its not going to be easy and I have had temptation but I am willing to get help this time so I know it will be different. I feel more resolve than I ever have in the past and I know I won't be alone. Thank You
You're already sounding better ... great job today ... 'One Day at a Time' is how we all got sober ... I can't remember if you have an AA Big Book or not, if not, try and pick one up, at cost, at your F2F meeting ... at least try to get started reading it if you can ... you'll readily see where a lot of our knowledge comes from ... and when we refer you to certain passages or pages, then you'll have it at your fingertips ...
Love ya, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
