Here's my experience ... ... ... My family never liked the fact that their husband, dad, son was an alcoholic ... they saw so many thing go down the drain due to the bottle in my hand ... they adjusted as best the could ... they tolerated me and my drunkenness for a long time, longer than most families would have ... Now that I got sober, they saw I finally was serious about staying that way and had a hard time adjusting to me being gone to meetings all the time ... they thought I should have been concentrating more time at home ... but they did enjoy the change that 'being sober' brought on ... but what they didn't realize, at the time, was that sobriety HAD to be my number one priority in life now, not them ...
They NOW understand that if dad was to take one drink after being sober a while, he got just as bad as before, if not worse ... What I'm trying to say, is that it takes time for us to rebuild that 'trust' that they once may have had in us ... after a good while in sobriety, they realized that my time away in meetings and going to help yet others was a good thing ... not selfish as they had first believed ... I proved to them many times after being sober a while, just how bad I could be if I drank again ... SO ... it's a learning process for us all ...
If you give up your sobriety, your family could very well come to hate you for who you've become ... try not ever let that happen ... you probably still have a lot of learning to do before 'all is well' at home ... and so do they ... Read chapter 9 in the BB, 'The Family Afterward' ... and have them do the same ... AND the book 'Living Sober' is an invaluable book to read also ... your group should have it 'for sale' 'at cost' ... ... ...
Stay Sober my friend, and God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 5th of September 2012 07:53:33 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Im wondering if any of the old timers on the site who understand alcoholism very well can tell me what the best way to help a family affected by alcoholism. I understand this is a family disease and we are in fact ill, but it is ME WHO IS THE ALCOHOLIC AND I WANT TO HELP MYSELF AND MY FAMILY. I have been attending meetings and talking to family more, they are seeming better, I keep hearing to let go and let god, I never wanted for this to happen to me or my loved ones and i want to do everything I can to clean it up and help everyone. Please help. What is the best way to work alcoholics anonymous and bring healing to myself and my family?
Hey Closer - The steps will take you through what you're seeking. Just keep working with your sponsor to make it through the steps, and all promises will come to you in time. The promises WILL materialize if we work for them. As you begin to work the later steps, you'll see how to keep your side of the street clean, make amends, and focus on living amends. I thought doing the steps in order was awesome for me. Each step built on the others. I know some may say you can do them out of order, but I liked following them right out of the big book with my sponsor's guidance. I didn't use anything but the BB and my HP, and that is working for me. I'm not an old timer, so hopefully you'll get more responses here from those who are.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
The best way I ever helped anyone was by being the best example I could be and having fun doing so.
All else is mental illness and manipulation.
I ask myself 'Who died and made me God?"
Playing God is what got me into this mess in the first place, playing God certainly wont get me out, and trust me I was a tedious little preacher my first few years, I knew you wanted perfection and I wasn't shy about telling you what I thought you should do to achieve it. All it did was make people avoid me. Once I started focusing on making myself a better person is when people started coming to me for help, then I was able to help countless people
Be the change you want to see in the world Gandhi
He was no dummy that guy
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Light a man a fire and he's warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Thanks for the posts. Im trying to better my own life as well as I can and Ive seen a positive reaction from my family. I know I made this mess and I cant pin it on anyone else in the end. Retaining everything I hear is the challenge!
Here's my experience ... ... ... My family never liked the fact that their husband, dad, son was an alcoholic ... they saw so many thing go down the drain due to the bottle in my hand ... they adjusted as best the could ... they tolerated me and my drunkenness for a long time, longer than most families would have ... Now that I got sober, they saw I finally was serious about staying that way and had a hard time adjusting to me being gone to meetings all the time ... they thought I should have been concentrating more time at home ... but they did enjoy the change that 'being sober' brought on ... but what they didn't realize, at the time, was that sobriety HAD to be my number one priority in life now, not them ...
They NOW understand that if dad was to take one drink after being sober a while, he got just as bad as before, if not worse ... What I'm trying to say, is that it takes time for us to rebuild that 'trust' that they once may have had in us ... after a good while in sobriety, they realized that my time away in meetings and going to help yet others was a good thing ... not selfish as they had first believed ... I proved to them many times after being sober a while, just how bad I could be if I drank again ... SO ... it's a learning process for us all ...
If you give up your sobriety, your family could very well come to hate you for who you've become ... try not ever let that happen ... you probably still have a lot of learning to do before 'all is well' at home ... and so do they ... Read chapter 9 in the BB, 'The Family Afterward' ... and have them do the same ... AND the book 'Living Sober' is an invaluable book to read also ... your group should have it 'for sale' 'at cost' ... ... ...
The steps were designed for me and as I worked them, sometimes during the course of my recovery, my wife and children joined Alanon and Alateen. They started to recover and help others, and they got well. I have a son-in-law who has just joined the family. He is affected by his still practicising father, but my daughter is working with him. In all cases "resentment" is the number 1 offender.
It sounds like you may be minimizing the effect that alcoholism has had on your family, i.e. "I understand this is a family disease and we are in fact ill, but it is ME WHO IS THE ALCOHOLIC..."
Many, on both sides of the alcoholic fence tend to think of the damage to the family like the alcoholic is the smoker and the family dealt with second hand smoke. In many cases the family was damaged even worse than the alcoholic. If I am wrong in my thinking that you are minimizing that effect, please accept my apologies. Regardless, in a word, it has been my experience in my 7,424 one day at a times, that the answer lies in service.
I love my family, as I'm sure you do. Everything I do is geared towards serving my family. To be sure, sometimes that means taking time for me so that I am able to care for them but really, I spend my days trying to think of ways to serve my wife first, kids and father next. Interestingly, with their physical and emotional needs met, they seem to have the time to do nothing but try to serve me.
