Alcoholics Anonymous
Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Life feels so normal - wishing I was today.


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3412
Date:
Life feels so normal - wishing I was today.
Permalink  
 


Did you say fishing? Wow, I can relate to that. The last time I went fishing, though, was about 10 years ago, and with similar luck as well. At least I was sober this time. Drinking and fishing don't always mix, just ask my friend John. I think his scar finally healed. Talk about disastrous, though. Geesh

It can get a bit lonely, though, especially with all that added real estate. The lake home does sound nice Tasha, but what about all those bugs? It sounds gross even from here. I more of a tropical island person myself, but then again I usually don't travel. I rather enjoy quiet times at home resting comfortably under some nice shade tree. I'm really going to miss summer. How about you?

Anyway, I can understand your frustration dear. You've finally found a connection that works, which is great. But our plans can sometimes change, can't they. The lake house has taken you out of your comfort zone, which can feel a bit awkward right about now. But like you said, it's been a great experience for your entire family. So from that perspective, it was certainly worth the trip.

 I hated change myself, especially in early sobriety. So I remained close to my sober family as best I could. Sometimes, I had to make certain sacrifices even if it made me feel uncomfortable. I just had a great escape plan, that's all. Let's face it Tasha; adjusting our normal routines to accommodate life's ever changing landscape certainly isn't easy, but nothing in early sobriety ever was. I just got used to it over the years, that's all. I still keep my connections open, my mind busy and my focus on where it needed to be...sobriety. And that's been my victory dance ever since. I hope you enjoy your little trip, Tasha. It sounds like so much fun. Enjoy...



-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 4th of September 2012 02:29:03 AM

__________________
Mr.David


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3726
Date:
Permalink  
 

I've been at the lake home for the past few days, and being away from my AA family and regular routine of meetings and sponsored work is starting to feel a bit scary.  For the first time in 8 months, I'm just me again.  Though... there are constant reminders that I'm an alcoholic, and at times, I've wished I was just normal, and could join in for a beer.  It's an odd conundrum considering I know there is nothing worse for me in the world than alcohol.  Yet, today I am wishing just for the feeling of being normal, as if I can take reprieve from my disease for the day.

So there it is - that same old pity pot I seem to drag around with me like a ball and chain, whenever I am away from meetings for too long.  I worked with my sponsor for a few hours the day before we left... attempting to gain some insurance, but this is a bit too much, too soon for me I guess. I don't know. 

Still, I see my family healing right before my eyes.  The changes in my reactions or lack there of, have helped everyone to slowly take steps in the right direction.  I see how much I affected everyone, and can't help feel a wave of sadness here and there. 

The water was calm this evening, and my son learned to fish.  He didn't catch anything but a peice of bark.  It was shaped exactly like a fish, and the sounds of joy echoed over the water and danced into the sunset.  

My heart is richly in love with the doing, and it brings me closer to my children and my higher power.  Life is good.

 



__________________

Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1348
Date:
Permalink  
 

Soooooooooo, Miss Tasha, guess what? You are normal! Who do you know that does not have.......something? The more of these melancholy situations you go through, the stronger you become. The "calling" to join in for a beer is your demon calling and that is your......."something". How many normal people were there at your gathering that were over eaters? Over spenders? Over sexers? You probably had a budding over drinker as well. The norm for humans is to not be perfect.
It is great you can get away and hit the computer. Get away and talk to your HP. Keep up the contact and thank your HP whenever your kids make sounds of joy because you can truly be happy about their joy because you are free of guilt. You are really there with them--not in a drunken haze.  Easy Does It.  One day at a time.

You sound like you are right on track to me. 

Tom



__________________

"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around." 



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 162
Date:
Permalink  
 

Tasha!  You just told my story!  Im feeling the exact same way right now.  9 months sober.  feeling more normal than I have in years, seeing my family happier, wondering about alcohol but not going near it!   (AND DONT)  



__________________

 



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3809
Date:
Permalink  
 

Tasha, we are preparing for a Labor Day party here. I don't pay attention to our liquor cabinet at all ordinarily but we opened it up to put all the liquor out on the bar outside. People give us booze when they come to our parties and we just recycle it again and again. Anyhow, my first thought was "Wow OMG! Jackpot! Look at all this booze that has just been sitting in the house!" Then I thought "Damn, I would have finished all of this on my own in less than a month in my drinking days." Then I thought "How sad that my whole life used to revolve around the contents of what is in these bottles."

I am normal today and it's because I DON'T drink.

__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3809
Date:
Permalink  
 

It hasn't occured to you yet (maybe it's not safe for you at this early in your sobriety as sometimes staying away from people drinking is better) but what exactly can you not join in doing? Drinking a beer is not really an activity. I used to at a party or gathering and think "Oh I'm so out of place. I wish I could join in." You can join in anything you want without drinking. If someone is having a glass of wine while you are out to dinner, does that mean you aren't out to dinner too? No. Because of AA and my sobriety - I am not dictated in what I do and how I enjoy time with other people by alcohol, whether alcohol is there, and whether others are drinking.

If anything - alcohol used to stop me from joining in normal activities. Others would have a couple and "be social." I would either get trashed and embarrass myself or hold off drinking and be annoyed until people left so I could drink like I wanted to. I could never be a normal drinker and neither can you.

__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 151
Date:
Permalink  
 

Hi Tasha, I often look at my niece as she goes thru many firsts just like your son. It is amazing watching the whole experience from the outside. There reactions, words, feelings, expressions, fears, triumphs... the list goes on. As someone who is going thru many firsts myself I relate to her in so many ways. I am amazed and learn from her resilience. I sometimes forget that I have the same resilience. I too am learning how to make it thru the world like my niece. I sometime forget that even as an adult I still have many firsts. I need to be as gentle with myself as I would be with my niece. You are a strong women. I have heard it. I have felt it. I do not sense pity only progress from a smart girl with her eyes open. Be gentle with yourself. I started work this week and can only go to 4 meetings a week. I too feel scared, but we have our tool boxes and yours is pretty full. Peace women! :)

__________________

kathy



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 6464
Date:
Permalink  
 

get on a bicycle and go for a ride. breathe deep, be grateful


__________________

 Gratitude = Happiness!







MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3726
Date:
Permalink  
 

Yes - my thoughts exactly Pappy ; )
If I'm going to be honest with myself and all of you, then I can't go around saying everything is perfect and wonderful and enlightening ALL THE TIME! That is not human. I need to show my human other side to you as well, the side that remembers to also ask for help instead of only give it... the side that gets to be loved, and not just give love.  I tend to go into "perfect mode", and that's a dangerous place for me.  There, I tend to minimize my problems, minimize my past destruction, forget the awful place this disease can take me, and rely on myself again. 

If I'm going to stick around, I need to have balance... and that's what I plan to do - God willing.





-- Edited by justadrunk on Monday 3rd of September 2012 10:39:27 AM

__________________

Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3726
Date:
Permalink  
 

We came home a day early. I left the pity pot in the lake ; )

The bugs were not around, and the weather was perfectly warm... the leaves just starting to turn. It was a really fabulous vacation, and yes - there is nothing that can't be done just the same sober. Thanks for the love family!

__________________

Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 33
Date:
Permalink  
 

if you feel like you want to join in on a beer, the obsession to drink has not been lifted.

__________________


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 12357
Date:
Permalink  
 

Hey Yayo, ...

Even though I agree with your basic 'train of thought' here ... this could be debated rather easily ... Personally, I think there can be a rather large difference between "I feel like I want to join in on a beer" and "I am craving a beer so much that it is actually making me ill" ...

I have experienced the pleasure of having the 'craving', or 'obsession', being lifted from me today ... Would I like to join in and have a beer with my friends during a football game, why yes ... BUT, I do not crave it nor absolutely have to have it ... I know to drink one is too many for me, it activates my allergy, and like a built-in reflex, I recoil from the idea ... so the wisdom of the past comes into play and I seek a different drink to quench my thirst ...

I don't really think I'll ever, in my lifetime, reach the point of not 'feeling like joining in with a beer' ... I just simply know better than to follow through with that idea now ...


DID that make any sense to anyone else ???

Pappy



__________________

'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 563
Date:
Permalink  
 

I agree, Pappy. There is a big difference between a thought and an obsession. I think one example is duration. A passing thought is one thing, but to entertain that thought, nurse it, cling to it, that is quite another.

I applaud you for your honesty, Tasha. :)

__________________

I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3809
Date:
Permalink  
 

We all have crazy thoughts. Since my partner works for a company that gets invited to fancy events and parties, we get VIP passes sometimes. That also means free drinks. Last time I was like "Yay! Free drinks" in my mind before I realized "Wait...who gives a crap. I don't drink." It was just a thought....not an obsession. Obsession would have kicked in if I had been planning how I would sneak off and have those drinks without anyone seeing and blah blah blah.

EVEN if we reach a moment of feeling obsessed by our alcholism, that does not mean we can't get through it without drinking. The obsession can be lifted and can come back and it can be lifted again.

__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 12357
Date:
Permalink  
 

Yes Tasha, ...

I feel the program of AA has basically 'changed' the WAY I think now as opposed to the way I used to rationalize everything to my benefit ... even taking that 1st drink ...

I can certainly live with myself better now than before ... LOL

Pappy



__________________

'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 68
Date:
Permalink  
 

When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky. Buddha

__________________

Taking it one day at a time!



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3809
Date:
Permalink  
 

Yes indeed Paul. That is a good saying and it overlaps with basic AA tenets and many slogans.

I know Tasha has seen this one before but it's basically almost a daily read/thought for me now. Perhaps my favorite part of the big book:

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

In other words, everything is just perfect already- If we can accept and adapt to things, the world is just grand right?




__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 6464
Date:
Permalink  
 

Was this the first time at the Lake house, since you've been sobrer?

__________________

 Gratitude = Happiness!







MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3726
Date:
Permalink  
 

Yes Dean - first for everyone - it's new.

__________________

Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3726
Date:
Permalink  
 

First "vacation" since coming into AA in Dec.

__________________

Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 12357
Date:
Permalink  
 

Must have been nice ... ... just to be you ... ... and not having to serve the 'Master', alcohol ... ... what a great feeling it is to be free ... ... ...



__________________

'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.