How come some people grow up surrounded by so much addiction of various kinds? It isnt the norm for most people, and how come some people find it everywhere they turn no matter where they look?
is it our families, our friends, what brings more and more addiction into peoples lives, and being associated with so many other addicts? Is it cause we hurdle together or am I missing it?
-- Edited by Closer on Thursday 30th of August 2012 04:42:23 AM
Or I guess 'selfishness' works too ... ... ... I want what I want when I want it ... the hell with everyone else!!! ... ... ... It's an attitude ... and it can rub off onto the next person, and the next, and the next, ... ... ... just like catching a 'cold' ... or getting a haircut if you sit in the Barber Shop long enough ... attitude spreads like a disease, lets just make sure ours is where it needs to be ...
Our attiude should lead us to where we want to go, not to where we've been ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I grew up in the "Leave it to Beaver" family. No addicts or alcoholics to be found. I sought out people who drank like I did when I was a teenager...wasn't hard to do.
My family was good at keeping the ugly stuff hidden or it simply was spoken about. I was in my early teens when my mom told me her dad was an alcoholic and that she was a heavy drinker at one point. Two of my three siblings also ended up with the disease but I didn't grow up around them. SO, it was in my family but not really a part of my life.
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
I understand what you guys are saying. I've read about greed in the 12 X 12, and I know we seek eachother, but Im trying to understand why people who drink or use always end up around more people who drink or use? ..Are we recognized as drunks/ users?, therefore we end up around others of the same?
How come some people grow up surrounded by so much addiction of various kinds? It isnt the norm for most people, and how come some people find it everywhere they turn no matter where they look?
is it our families, our friends, what brings more and more addiction into peoples lives, and being associated with so many other addicts? Is it cause we hurdle together or am I missing it?
That's a very good question, Brian -even though it affects just about everyone and not only a select few. Some families hide it better than others, that's all. Take my family for instance: We were extremely private people, more so than others. So we were able to keep a lid on things. Other families, however, weren't so lucky. So, as far as the overall dynamics is concerned; I believe it exists everywhere Brian. Maybe, it's not as glaring though.
Growing up in an upper middle class neighborhood was quite the education for me, and in so many ways. My parents hung out with the so called 'hip' crowd, but for me they were just too plain. I hung out with the cool kids instead, or so I thought. They seemed alright, but deep down inside they were anything but cool. That was then. Now, I hang out with sober people -plain and simple. Yeah, they might live boring lives -just like my parents once did, but they have something I want today...serenity.
As far as drinking goes, I think we control our own destinies. I still connect with alcoholics like I once did, but on a sober level today, that's all. It's been my reality check for 11+years now, thanks be to God. Now, back to your original question: Why do we gravitate towards these people anyway? Good question. Just like Pappy said, it's where we find acceptance. These people accepted me for who I was, no strings attached. I only wish the same could be said for my family members or their friends. But as the saying goes: "you are what you eat" or hang out with in this case.
My problem all along was acceptance or in this case lack of. I was searching for some level of significance, and what I got instead was the total opposite. My family had high hopes for me, even though my approval ratings were less than stellar. But that was their perception not mine. My family viewed success the same way others do, by their wallets. So, according to them my life was nothing more than shameful. Deep down inside, however, I was more ashamed of them. The old me would have drunk himself senseless, but not today. I find sobriety to be the necessary ingredient that binds my life together, but it's only half the battle.
I started to view my life more objectively even if others disagreed. Then, I had to accept my current state as is, without ambiguity. That part has been a lifesaver for me ever since. So instead of asking yourself: why? Ask yourself: where do I belong? In the same place as everyone else, our home. Not the traditional homes we were accustomed too, but a home we create for ourselves. Remember, I couldn't get any stronger until I first accepted my situation as is. Only then could I make sober choices from there. Acceptance, though, is still the key. I find acceptance to be the spiritual antidote I was finally searching for - besides my relationship with God. I had to be accepting of both myself and the world around me before I could finally move forward. And so should you. Onward...
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 4th of September 2012 02:23:35 AM
You do what it is that you're use to Closer...I come from alcoholism and drug addiction on both sides of my family and the step family and involuntarily you learn what is normal to your life. My Mom fought my Grand-mother not to give her children, me and my brothers and sister, any wine and she lost the fight and in the process, at the age of nine, my grandmother turned me on without knowing what was happening and how it would come out. I customarily found others predisposed like my self to gather around me as we did normal. I didn't think about doing it that way...just did it until program where I learned a different way of doing it.
Alcohol and alcoholism has been around for thousands of years...fully documented. What were our chances without the program and what are our childrens chances without our experiences.
It's a family disease, so many of us have lots of alcoholics and addicts in our family trees. Then yes there is a strong attraction between alcoholics, addicts and codependents, so we do "hurdle together". It's this sense of fellowship that bonds us together in recovery as well.
Thanks for all your messages. I guess its the same as feeling were the only ones going through the alcoholism ourselves. I guess our families werent the only families either...
