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Post Info TOPIC: My Daugther


MIP Old Timer

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My Daugther
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She's 15.  Her negative emotions are blocking her from the Spirit and enjoyment of life.  She's looking for external things to fill the God hole inside.  Never enough.  Boyfriend, friends, relationships etc...........  She can't sit with herself for to long before the anxiety kicks in.  Sounds all to familiar.  I guess I can be happy she hasn't choosen drugs or alcohol as relief, but it seems to just be a difference substance/thing at this point.  The symptoms are all there.  Pick your poison I guess.

My Sponsor tells me that I'm seeing the effects of Alcoholism on the family.  It's on both sides.  Mine and her mother's.   It reaches out and touches everyone.  She's been in counseling for a year now.   She came to me recently for help.  I'm taking her to an Ala Teen meeting tomorrow night.  I'll attend the Alanon or AA meeting near by.  I know the results are in God's hands and I'm trying my best to stay on the sidelines.  Tough balance between helping and getting in the way.  I'm trying to carry the message and not carry the sick one.

Anyone here have experience with a child in Ala Teen?



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Talk to her. Ask her. Are you drinking? Are you smoking? Wanting social acceptance is normal. Make yourself available and nonjudgemental toward her. My mother is like this with me any my 2 syblings and she knows more about us than I'm sure she cares to know. And don't underestimate her. Kids really do respond to leading by example.




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MIP Old Timer

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In prayer and thought Mike,I can truly identify.You may have heard me share about my now 27 year old son who spent 7 years in hard core heroin addiction,finding jails,institutions and devastation throughtout his life and all around him.I also attended Nar-Anon for many years(similar to AL-Anon,only focus's on drugs,of which alcohol is also a drug)He literally died twice from anaphalactic shock,went to jail numerous times,ripped us off and put us in hock for a long time to come and caused so much heartache and pain that it shook my own 28 years of recovery.We also have a now 24 year old daughter,who at 12 ran amuck and we finally had to surrender her to the court system(in New York used to be called PINS,now its diversion program.That lasted also for over 4 years.Believe me ,my wife and I spent many nights crying ourselves to sleep as we put our son on the street ,a 90 pound,hard core junkie,ready to die or find a way to recover.In the probation system my daughter found her way also.Through our strong faith,and our reliance on the God of our understanding(the only way we got thru)my son now in 3 years of recovery,graduating a trade school for computer technology and a fine tattoo artist is working his own process a day at a time.My daughter excelled in school and at 24 has a Masters degree in teaching with a minor in Spanish(very handy here in Florida where we just moved )and teaching 1st thru 5th grades in West Palm Beach.Addiction,alcoholism is a Family disease,it rears its poison thruout.WE know,from our own illness,that each one must come to their own surrender and willingness to live a "better way'.We can share our ESH with our loved ones,but they must come to their own decisions.There are many roads to recovery whether from any substance or mental or physical situations.WE live our lives according to spiritual principles we develop thru constant practice and work and walk the talk thru our actions and remain God centered,Each day of life ,free from the illness of active using,there is HOPE....WE never forsake in the deep darkness what our Higher Power has shown us in the light..My children(2 of 4)didn't follow my process but found their own and are also working a day at a time.Hang in there,work your own process and lead by example,coming from both sides of the coin as parents and people in recovery,a day at a time,can be difficult to juggle,but another day above ground,thru Gods grace and mercy,gives us opportunities that many of us didn't stay around long enough to realize.Didn't mean for a diatribe,but this is close to my heart.Peace.



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I applaud you, not only for your spiritual understanding of her, but of the action you're taking (Ala-teen). This is exactly what I would suggest to any parent who calls our local AA office. I can't think of anything more to add except to validate that yes, there is a fine line between helping and being overly-assertive. Pg 83 BB says we don't talk incessantly about spiritual matters to our family members. Basically they see our recovery. It's so hard not to do that for me sometimes! I am getting better at it though.

It's a difficult thing to let go and let God. Sometimes the only thing I can do is pray and ask God to bring these people to Him. It is in His hands. Trust Him. This is a great growth opportunity for that. We can always trust and rely more.

Peace.



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MIP Old Timer

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Ruhig wrote:

Talk to her. Ask her. Are you drinking? Are you smoking? Wanting social acceptance is normal. Make yourself available and nonjudgemental toward her. My mother is like this with me any my 2 syblings and she knows more about us than I'm sure she cares to know. And don't underestimate her. Kids really do respond to leading by example.



I agree with you Ruhig. Talking to her is a good idea. I just wouldn't come off as being too judgemental, though -that can ruin a perfectly good relationship. If she has trouble talking to you directly, then a therapist or counselor might be of good use. Helping her get better 'is' your primary concern, so Ala-Teen might be a start in the right direction. I hope this helps.  



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Mr.David


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So far 4 out of our 6 children go to Alateen so far.  Our youngest isn't old enough yet and our eldest is 21 now.  The difference in the attitudes of the 4 going  compared to their older sister is huge.  We didn't find alateen until after she had moved out.  I kick myself often that I hadn't found it earlier.  Her younger sisters are thriving where as she was full of hurt and resentments.  She has been to counselling a number of times but I think the pot and drink have her now.  It is hard to watch.  Alateen has been very beneficial to our children.  They have been going about 2-3yrs now.  There are even online ones now.  One of my daughter's does about 6 of those a week as well as 1 face to face each week.  She just loves them.

Tracey



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MIP Old Timer

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Thank you all for sharing your E, S & Hope.  This is such a powerful program.  God definately works through all of us.  smile 



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MIP Old Timer

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There is much discussion about children and Alateen here:

 

Friends and Family of Alcoholics

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/



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First, deal with the things that might kill you.

 



MIP Old Timer

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Thank you Tanin.  I'll take a look.  smile



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