I was an emotional wreck when I got started....This is a major change you are talking about here....For me dealing with the fear I was loaded with without numbing it with alcohol was totally new to me...I needed a sponsor and to get connected with people in the meetings that were working it. Don't be afraid to ask for help...That's what it's all about. That was also new to me. It's a WE program...Take advantage of that.
-- Edited by Stepchild on Friday 17th of August 2012 06:49:00 PM
Hi, I have posted before about sponsorship and feel good about that. I found this forum helped me deal with that question, but now finding something else I need direction or support about. I am starting steps over from Step 1 due to having a new sponsor.
My issue is I cry all the time, I have 57 days now, and at 49 yrs of age finding it hard to be in a new city. I am in fact literally alone here. I feel all alone although I go to meetings every day. I am glad I will start work again in a few days. But I frankly am tired of crying. I cried daily for 2 years which was one of the motivators for me to stop drinking. Can anyone share/relate or advise on this? I do have a doctor and have do take antidepressants, so I am very confused about why I should still feel so much despair. I do pray and work on the steps.
I don't know...I found early on the best tool I had was prayer....The harder I worked at that...The more faith I had...Ask for help....And you'll get it. Congrats on 57 days! Just curious what the hold up is for you on step one....I needed relief....I started getting that when I completed step five....Keep moving forward.
Hi Stepchild! Thank you for responding. Did you cry a lot at first?
My Step 1 is in progress again. I had done up to Step 4 with my prior sponsor, but I changed sponsors a couple of weeks ago due to not feeling like the match between us was working at all. The new sponsor I have is a lady I have spoken with on the phone and seen at meetings well before asking her for sponsorship, so it worked out. So with the new sponsor she wants to do the steps with me in the way she did the steps with her sponsor. I find I am digging more into how it "felt" in my drinking career this time around instead of just chronology of drinking. I am seeing how I thought about alcohol from teenager years to now having stopped.
Thanks for checking in and congrats on the almost 60 days. Interesting that there was a girl about 30 yrs old who has about 60 days sober at our meeting tonight. We ended about 15 min early and me and another guy where walking out and she was crying waiting on her ride/smoking a cig. We asked her if everyhting was alright and she said yes, I didn't pry but commented that "I hope it's just a female thing", and she cracked a llittle smile, we asked if she needed a ride and she said no.
There are a lot of emotional adjustments going on early in recovery and I've never seen anyone who wasn't able to overcome the these things over time via the program and steps.
It is troubling that you are feeling dispair,you should ask your doctor about that and maybe get another script. My best thinking tells me you need to listen to what other women have to say about the emotional stuff, so I'm going to shut the hell up.
Take care,
Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Hang in there do not give up. I am on antidepressants anx while they take a while to work if you are getting worse call your doctor. Stick with your sponsor this works but does take time
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
You'll get over this, eventually. All it takes is time and a lot of prayer. Just keep trudging along, for now. You're bound for a breakthrough. Welcome to "MIP".
When I removed alcohol from my system, all my feelings cropped up. For some people this happens later. I consider you blessed to be dealing with it now because that will hopefully give you the willingness to go straight through the steps now - from the Doctor's Opinion straight through to page 103 (the end of step 12).
It is my hope you also have chosen a sponsor who knows the Big Book inside and out, for that is where the only set of directions for the steps are, the only set of directions on how to recover. The 12 & 12 is there to take it all deeper, but there are no directions in the 12 & 12 and I don't suggest at ALL anyone trying to make any up.
There IS a way out of alcoholic depression. It's called willingness to do all 12 steps in order from beginning to end.
Yeah..I used it too. Like you said...The directions are in the first 103 pages. I heard that Doctor Bob was against publishing the 12 & 12....It came out shortly after he passed away.....Either way...Quite a few people got sober with just the Big Book to guide them....It's all good.
I had/have depression which was all muddled up into my alcoholism. When I got sober, I also ended a relationship with another alcholic and moved out on my own for the first time. All of that change did launch me into another major depressive episode - It was just a lot of change at once. It started getting lots better around 6 months sober I guess. Still lots of growing pains after that, but it was not clinical depression any more. The good news is, I have not had another episode now since then. Prior to that I would have them like 1 x per year and they were getting closer together and longer like you described.
It took a while to figure out what was my depression vs. what was alcholism and to figure out how the meds would work without alcohol in the picture. I have a level of stability now that I never had before. I had to be sober for that to occur. Often times, I'm annoyed now because my meds almost work too good. I cannot cry sometimes even when I want to. Meds stop that. Also, if I forget to take them I find myself crying like a little girl over stupid crap. Either way, it's still an improvement over the hot mess I was on a daily basis before the program.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thank you Pink Chip. Crying letting up last two days. It dawned on me like a flash, not only have i accepted I am an alcoholic, but I think more so I am facing what a hot mess my life has become because of alcohol. No home, divorce, no savings, no posessions, etc. A police record, all alone, things like that. I know it could be worse, could be dead/prison/insane (although I think the insanity thing is questionable!) I am having to accept what it has done to my life perhaps, makes me sad.
Onward to Steps. On Step 2 and love my sponsor. Knew her well before she became my sponsor and she supported me then too.
I tried treating my depression with alcohol ... then my life turned into a 'country song' ... By staying in AA this time and doing the work to complete the steps with 'total honesty', my tears of despair turned into tears of 'happiness' ... ... ... Don't quit before the 'miracle' happens ...
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
