Of course it's sort of futile to think I have any power to sell the program to newcomers, as it will sell itself most of the time, but something was shared at my last AA meeting that got me thinking.
Someone read from "AA comes of age" and it was Dr. Silkworth giving some advice about how "preaching spiritual solution" to drunks and people just walking in the program was not as helpful as sticking to the facts. These would include things like: "You have a progressive disease that, if left untreated, can kill you." "It gets worse and never better." and "Total abstinence is necessary to arrest this fatal progression."
What do you guys think? I often feel "preachy." I've known it's partially my own issue and a phase of sobriety I'm going through which is that AA saved my life and set me on a course so radical that I want to sing it from the top of a mountain so other people can follow suit and reap the benefits. I guess I gotta own that.
Nonetheless, Can 12th step work really be this simple?
P.S. - I also recognize that this was in the days of doing 12th step calls more frequently and visiting drunks in hospitals. That was what Dr. Silkworth was talking about with how to talk to those particular folks. Service commitments would be obvious 12th step work but I'm still trying to apply simplifyng the way I talk to newcomers.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 17th of August 2012 09:32:20 AM
-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 17th of August 2012 09:43:30 AM
-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 17th of August 2012 09:44:08 AM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
When I sit with a newcomer one on one, my first approach is always to explain the hoplessness of alcoholism. God willing they can understand the first step. A lot of folks come in there first time and a long time passes before they hear anything about the allergy and mental obsession. If a newcomer can truly be convinced they are alcoholic and they suffer from a progressive disease that can kill, spiritual talk is usually more readily accepted. There is a fine line between preachy and speaking with knowledge and experience. I try not to tell anyone what they need to do, but rather explain the problem and solution as the book describes it.
Thanks BB - I forgot to mention that was also one of the main "facts" as well and that was in the reading....That this is an allergy combined with a mental obsession. Hence, you obviously are speaking truth :)
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Yeah, that's what I call twelve step work, Mark. Let's face it, your not putting lipstick on a preachy pig, are you? No, your doing step work Mark that's all. So carry the message as suggested, whether it's preachy or not. Why? it's in our power to do so.
The Traditions really help me learn how to carry this message. The most powerful message is the actual fact of my recovery through the steps. That's my message & how I did it. It is far more humble to share with a newcomer what it was like, what happened & how it is now but I can't do this if I'm not practicing the program myself so to be true & authentic I try to keep my own house in order & share my experience of that with others. I'm not telling others what to do but what I did & what I'm doing. This is attraction & I'm not assuming I know what God's will is or what's best for someone else. I don't know whether someone else should or shouldn't have this. That's between them & their own Higher Power. I don't know the big picture or how life's meant to be.
Am I sad if others don't get this? Of course I am but acceptance has to come for me in the face of this too. A lighthouse stands still & sure to guide others, it doesn't run all over the sea trying to bring all those ships to safety. Humility is key for me, Mark. I've learned a lot about how to channel my enthusiasm into more love & letting go. There is guidance also in the chapter Working With Others in the Big Book & Step12 of the 12&12. I went through the phase you mention earlier in my recovery too & I've learned how to become a little easier with it. I can still enjoy my passion for it & have some excited moments but I still ultimately have to let go. It sounds like you're going through a common rite of passage in AA to me, Mark.
Thank you for reaching out for experience, strength & hope, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
The Traditions really help me learn how to carry this message. The most powerful message is the actual fact of my recovery through the steps. That's my message & how I did it. It is far more humble to share with a newcomer what it was like, what happened & how it is now but I can't do this if I'm not practicing the program myself so to be true & authentic I try to keep my own house in order & share my experience of that with others. I'm not telling others what to do but what I did & what I'm doing. This is attraction & I'm not assuming I know what God's will is or what's best for someone else. I don't know whether someone else should or shouldn't have this. That's between them & their own Higher Power. I don't know the big picture or how life's meant to be.
Am I sad if others don't get this? Of course I am but acceptance has to come for me in the face of this too. A lighthouse stands still & sure to guide others, it doesn't run all over the sea trying to bring all those ships to safety. Humility is key for me, Mark. I've learned a lot about how to channel my enthusiasm into more love & letting go. There is guidance also in the chapter Working With Others in the Big Book & Step12 of the 12&12. I went through the phase you mention earlier in my recovery too & I've learned how to become a little easier with it. I can still enjoy my passion for it & have some excited moments but I still ultimately have to let go. It sounds like you're going through a common rite of passage in AA to me, Mark.
Thank you for reaching out for experience, strength & hope, Danielle x
Danielle really did a great job in summing up 12th step work IMO. Although the process we meet new people is usually different than the BB working with others. The essence of the chapter contains everything we need to know. Two sentences kind of sum it up.
Find out all you can about him.
Keep his attention focused mainly on your personal experience
If we follow the perscription for the chapter is will be hard to come off as "preachy".
I know you work in counseling field, possibly it is sometimes tough to shift gears when working with other AA's?
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I have to remember I am not a teacher, I am a humble servant sharing "my" own experience, not "yours".
Also, priests when in training are instructed to keep things so simple that it remains at a 4th grade level. I try to be clear and concise.
Instead of telling "what" I did or do, I tell them how I "feel".
I was taught, "Share your pain with them."
This enthusiastic phase is something I also went through. I was banging the gavel like crazy! I had to make my own mistakes to calm down a little and find my role, that was part of my necessary journey.
Peace.
pinkchip wrote:
Of course it's sort of futile to think I have any power to sell the program to newcomers, as it will sell itself most of the time, but something was shared at my last AA meeting that got me thinking.
Someone read from "AA comes of age" and it was Dr. Silkworth giving some advice about how "preaching spiritual solution" to drunks and people just walking in the program was not as helpful as sticking to the facts. These would include things like: "You have a progressive disease that, if left untreated, can kill you." "It gets worse and never better." and "Total abstinence is necessary to arrest this fatal progression."
What do you guys think? I often feel "preachy." I've known it's partially my own issue and a phase of sobriety I'm going through which is that AA saved my life and set me on a course so radical that I want to sing it from the top of a mountain so other people can follow suit and reap the benefits. I guess I gotta own that.
Nonetheless, Can 12th step work really be this simple?
P.S. - I also recognize that this was in the days of doing 12th step calls more frequently and visiting drunks in hospitals. That was what Dr. Silkworth was talking about with how to talk to those particular folks. Service commitments would be obvious 12th step work but I'm still trying to apply simplifyng the way I talk to newcomers.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 17th of August 2012 09:32:20 AM
-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 17th of August 2012 09:43:30 AM
-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 17th of August 2012 09:44:08 AM
My sponsor was instrumental in teaching me about 12 step work. He also taught me that it is the sponsor's job to teach those you sponsor. From talking to the new comer after the meeting, taking me on my first few 12 step calls. He took me on institutional commitments to detox, the Salvation Army, prison, etc. he introduced me to Intergroup, and then becoming an Intergroup rep. He took me to GSR. He took me to bring a meeting to those how couldn't make on because of illness. He told me to get a homegroup, make coffee and clean up. And, he taught me how to be a good sponsor. Sponsorship is more than just guiding the newcomer through the steps, it's guiding them through all the aspects of the AA fellowship and service. At least that's what I was taught what how to do 12 step work
Being a counselor does make it much harder to shift gears. Being a cognitive behaivoral therapist, my inclination is to point out how other peoples' thoughts are irrational, to then expose them to faulty thinking and sell the hell out of a new and more productive mode of thinking and acting. It's often overkill. I'm also used to working with kids so the "sell" is often really emphatic cuz to have a child believe that they should change requires a very enthusiastic and dynamic approach. That is not AA. AA is more like "Hey - you want what I have? Let's talk and get to work." Different than my counselor approach which would be "HEY, LOOK AT ME! This stuff works! Presto chango! And you'll have fun while your doing it!! I used to be a zero, now I'm a hero! You can do it too!!!" That translates to be like an AA aerobics instructor.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
